How much of an asshole am I?

[DesmoLu]

I need some honest feedback here, and I need it from people I trust and people who ride especially. I'm sure I can count on you all to tell it like it is.

So here's the deal: last week a local bartender who is tight with our local food community (hangs out with the bloggers, screws a lot of chefs, etc) was found unconscious about 50 ft from her scooter on what is possibly the safest road in the entire world (I know this because I live off of it). When I say safe, I mean *seriously* safe as in no turns, incredibly polite drivers, pedestrian conscious (there is a jogging path down the middle and bike trail on the side of it) as well as being a posted 30 mph that everyone abides by because cops are everywhere as it is a really affluent old neighborhood. No helmet, of course. Apparently she's never worn a helmet.
No one knows the details yet but the cops didn't think she had been hit, so would anyone else naturally assume that she must have been drinking to have such a nasty spill in these conditions?...? anyone else?

Okay, so here is where I come in:
The local food community, rallied by this girls BFF who is a food blogger known for dating chefs, has come together to fundraise for this girl with an insane amount of vigor. Now, I know the crowd loves to jump on any bandwagon - the same collective mindset that was burning witches a century ago is the same one thats raising disaster relief funds for Japan (sure, hate me for saying that but you know its true). I'm talking a festival, fundraising dinners everywhere, make the beast with two backsing t-shirts for crying out loud. So naturally, as part of the local food community, I'm being asked to donate and chip in. And what they are asking is pretty considerable.
So here's what I want to say:
"make the beast with two backs you. I'm still paying off my medical bills from last year at this time when I was effected by something that was *not* a direct product of my own stupidity and none of you assholes were anywhere to be seen despite the fact that I've done a hell of a lot more for the local food community than bartending. I'll donate a used helmet to the cause, how about that?"

Am I a horrible person for thinking all of this? At this point - I have to donate at least some of what's been asked because naturally, they asked in a public forum and what has been tweeted cannot be undone. But I do it with an amazing amount of bitterness.

Thoughts?

I'm not looking to have my opinions reaffirmed here. In fact, I'm looking for people to say "suck it up and be a better person" so that I can stop being so pissed off about this. Now shoot!

[Speedbag]

Nope, no assholery here by my book.

Nobody did anything for me when the deer tried to kill me and my bike back in '09 and the bills kept rolling in.

[redxblack]

I think you're entitled to feel bitter about their inaction and her stupidity for not wearing a helmet. You could (possibly) volunteer to donate some time (rather than $$) to organizing the information campaign and hijack the movement (in part) to push for helmets and safety. I'd try not to let the injured person bear the brunt of your anger at the rest of the community's inaction on your behalf.

[ducpainter]

Being pissed off is a choice.

[pennyrobber]

Just to play devil's advocate I would say first on the scooter rider's behalf, without really knowing what happened, its hard to blame her. Who knows, maybe a cat ran out in front of her causing the crash. (helmet issue aside)

Now I will say that I agree it sucks that you are being pressured from the community at large to help out. I think it's great when people organize to help others but, that shouldn't come at the cost of socially stigmatizing others.

[Monster Dave]

I need some honest feedback here, and I need it from people I trust and people who ride especially. I'm sure I can count on you all to tell it like it is....

So here's what I want to say:
"make the beast with two backs you. I'm still paying off my medical bills from last year at this time when I was effected by something that was *not* a direct product of my own stupidity and none of you assholes were anywhere to be seen despite the fact that I've done a hell of a lot more for the local food community than bartending. I'll donate a used helmet to the cause, how about that?"

The way I see it it sounds like you're being selfish. You're upset because you didn't get something that someone else is. Whether or not that person deserves it is totally totally irrelevant for your argument.

You don't see me all pissed off because I didn't win the lottery and some hobo alcoholic who lives in a trailer down by the river did. That's just he way it is - and it's not right or fair to judge that.  

Also, you're further basing your feelings on your own personal judgments of her character and that of her BFF who's leading the support. Which again, has nothing to do with the fact that people in the community are trying to help this injured girl. You even said that it's not clear what happend, but you've clearly unjustly judged what happened to her by assuming that she did something stupid.

Envy is one thing, but in this case, I don't think you have a leg to stand on because this is a clear case of jealousy.

Be a bigger person than this. Send her a get well card and wish her the best in recovery. Be grateful that you survived your own issue and don't let jealousy blind you from seeing that you have friends who care about you regardless of how they may show their support.

[He Man]

Why cant you tell them the truth?

"dude, im paying off my own medical bills, i really cant help to pay yours, but heres a small donation"

[IZ]

HYUUUUUGE ahole!! 

[triangleforge]

You're not a bad person for feeling that - what you do with those feelings is what matters.

You're trying to run a business in the middle of a small, tightly knit community and, chances are, your response will have an impact on your relationships in that community. If you're willing to accept the consequences of saying what you feel right now - including ones that you might not foresee at the moment - then that's a choice and more power to you for making it.

I wouldn't tell you to suck it up and be a better person; what I would tell you is to suck it up and do what's right for you and for your business. You might be surprised to find they wind up being the same thing.

[Stella]

Why cant you tell them the truth?

"dude, im paying off my own medical bills, i really cant help to pay yours, but heres a small donation"

+1   Nothing arsehole about your own situation and if that's what's interpreted by someone else, then that's their problem.


And if you can, offer to donate a few hours or a day or two of time in whatever way you can.  That can be just as valuable as the money.  

[Monster Dave]

And if you can, offer to donate a few hours or a day or two of time in whatever way you can.  That can be just as valuable as the money.  

I totally agree. 

[IZ]

And if you can, offer to donate a few hours or a day or two of time in whatever way you can.  That can be just as valuable as the money.  

agreed

[El Matador]

The way I see it it sounds like you're being selfish. You're upset because you didn't get something that someone else is. Whether or not that person deserves it is totally totally irrelevant for your argument.

You don't see me all pissed off because I didn't win the lottery and some hobo alcoholic who lives in a trailer down by the river did. That's just he way it is - and it's not right or fair to judge that.  

Also, you're further basing your feelings on your own personal judgments of her character and that of her BFF who's leading the support. Which again, has nothing to do with the fact that people in the community are trying to help this injured girl. You even said that it's not clear what happend, but you've clearly unjustly judged what happened to her by assuming that she did something stupid.

Envy is one thing, but in this case, I don't think you have a leg to stand on because this is a clear case of jealousy.

Be a bigger person than this. Send her a get well card and wish her the best in recovery. Be grateful that you survived your own issue and don't let jealousy blind you from seeing that you have friends who care about you regardless of how they may show their support.

Dude Dave, I usually agree with you, but you're so way of the mark on this thing that it's almost funny. If I weren't about to defend my Senior Design I would make some long post on how it's exactly the opposite of what you said, but I just don't have the time. You'll have to take my word on this. An apology would be nice too.

[Triple J]

I don't think you're being an a-hole.

However, you gotta pick your battles and think long term (being good with this community I'm assuming can help your business, and may be vital??). Just do what you can afford to do, and explain why you financially can't do more. Keep your "no helmet opinions" to yourself, as there really isn't any benefit to speaking up about it. What's done is done, and lecturing on safety will only piss people off.

You could still donate an olld helmet at the end to make the back-handed point though.  

...and apparently I should have been a chef. There aren't any bartenders/bloggers known for screwing engineers! 

[Jaman]

"dude, im paying off my own medical bills, i really cant help to pay yours, but heres a small donation"

"...donate an old helmet..."

you can't fix stoopid, you are not an a-hole, sometimes people need a little slap in the face/dose of reality to wake the make the beast with two backs up.

<< and by "slap in the face/dose of reality wake up call" I am talking about hitting your melon on the pavement while not wearing a helmet >>