Out of the mouths of babes (kid quotes)

[c_rex]

Was going to put this in the concurrent Favorite Quotes thread but this is much less profound.  Post your own if you got one.

My soon to be 20 month old son on the changing table.
Me: Nooo Finn, now is not the time for that.
Finn: It's MY beep-beep!

[mitt]

I over heard a 4 year old girl at the Dr.'s office telling someone:

"My Daddy says the back street boys are the back door boys"

mitt

[stopintime]

What is a sweater?
Kid replies: something I have to take on when mom is cold.

[ducsix]

My 3 yr old in the shower after a swim at the YMCA...
pointing to the guy showing next to us...
"daddy, your penis is much bigger than his"

[mitt]

My 3 yr old in the shower after a swim at the YMCA...
pointing to the guy showing next to us...
"daddy, your penis is much bigger than his"

;:|   ;:|  How embarrasing was that?

mitt

[c_rex]

My 3 yr old in the shower after a swim at the YMCA...
pointing to the guy showing next to us...
"daddy, your penis is much bigger than his"

ROFLMAO

[The Bacon Junkie]

As a teacher, I hear kids say crazy stuff everyday... (thankfully not stuff like that ^^^) 

I shave my head, and the kids like to debate where my hair has gone. 

One discussion went something like this...

Kids:  "What happened to your hair?"

Me: "I don't know... Did you take it?"

Kids: "I ate it!"

        "I took it and threw it in a tree!"

        "I put it in the trash!"
       
        "It's in the sandbox!"

Then one girl steps up puts her hands out and says,
"That is NOT what happened... LOOK!  It fell off of his head and landed on his arms!" 

[RAT900]

Many years ago...daughter at dinner 4 years old...during weekend visit with her and her twin brother:

"You always want us to know how much you love us

Mommy always wants to know how much we love her"

4 year-old sized up what took me 11 years to figure out about their mother...yeah dad was sharp as a marble

[Triple J]

My nephew, who was about 2-1/2 at the time, got put into time out.

His emphatic response..."I am a powerful man, and powerful men do not sit in time out!". His mom had a hard time not laughing. 

That same nephew, during his "naked phase"...about the same age, or close:

"Mom, how come I can't put my balls in my mouth?" Mom had no chance on not laughing at that one. 

He's pretty much a quote machine. 

[The Bacon Junkie]

 


I'm sure I'll have another one by this afternoon..

Keep 'em coming!

[Slide Panda]

My friends 3.5 yo son, when asked if he wanted a haircut

"No mommy, I don't need a haircut. I am already handsome."

[KnightofNi]

my sister has 2 small quote machines. she is constantly putting up what they say on facebook.
one is 5 the other is 3.

her latest
"So [5 yr old] says to me in the car yesterday 'Mommy, remember that Daddy is smarter than you.' He is being charged with treason now."

[The Architect]

Drop my 5 year old off for kindergarten.  Teacher comes out and says Mr. Anzalone can I see you for a minute.  Oh no what has she done now.  The last time she made the boys cry with her words because they wouldn't play dress up and wear the dresses she picked out for them.

The teacher proceeds to tell me that yesterday after recess one of the boys asked if he could go to the bathroom when they get back into the class room.  She responds with "of course you can."  Another students say he has to go also.  Then my daughter walks up and says "no no no no, when we get back in I'm going to the bathroom first.  I've had pee in my vagina since before lunch!  You guys can wait your turns!"  She was pointing at the her privates while saying this. 

The teacher and the aides got a good laugh out of it. 

[SacDuc]

Seven year old nephew: I wonder hat will happen if I put a gummy bear in my water bottle?!?!

Four year old niece (looking at him like he's an idiot, with condescending tone): Um . . . it will dissolve.

Me: How do you know that?

Niece (looking at me like I'm a complete idiot, very heavy with the condescension now): *sigh* . . . I watch PBS.

[exit disgusted niece stage left]

[fastwin]

My wife is crazy about little kids. So much so she works with 2-3 yo kiddos at a church pre school/mom's day out program. Can't get enough of them. She also watches one of the kids privately for one of the mom's for extra cash. Gus is a hoot, smart as heck, great memory and funny. He walked in the room and saw me looking at a motorcycle race video on the computer. He asked me what I was doing and I told him. His reply was "motorcycles are dangerous"!! I thought my wife had put him up to it as a joke. She said she didn't do it but liked what he said. When his mom came to get him I told her about it and she said he got it from her. I asked her to stop poisoning the child's mind!!

Another time my wife was backing out of the garage with Gus in his car seat. He was looking at my bikes and my wife asks him what he thinks about all the colorful motorcycles. His response was "motorcycles are ridiculous". Apparently he made that one up all by himself. But now my wife gets him to say the dangerous and ridiculous lines all the time like a parrot just to irritate me. Still damn funny to hear him say it.