Economic Stimulus Payment

[Porsche Monkey]

This is just a joke, no political debate allowed or I will lock it. 
Jon





This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.


Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China .
If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.
If you purchase a computer it will go to India .
If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras , and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).
If you buy a car it will go to Japan .
If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan .
If you pay your credit cards off, it will go to bank management bonuses and they will hide it offshore. Same with stock investment.

Instead, you can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spending it on beer and wine (domestic ONLY), prostitutes (yay boobies) or tattoos, since those are the only American businesses still operating in the US .

[OverCaffeinated]

Snip
Instead, you can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spending it on beer and wine (domestic ONLY), prostitutes (yay boobies) or tattoos, since those are the only American businesses still operating in the US .

You forgot American made Meth and American grown sticky icky.

[pennyrobber]

You can also send it strait to me. In exchange you will get the satisfaction of know your money will stay right here in the States, inside my bank account.

You also left out American farmed  .

[SheMonster]

What's sticky icky?

[OverCaffeinated]

Sticky Icky

[Slide Panda]

Yep, I agree... just buy beer.  It's our only recourse at this point. 

[corey]

Beer? Just the good micro stuff, and Sam adams.
If i'm not mistaken... Budweiser = European owned (inBev?)... Coors = owned by Miller. Miller = sold to South African breweries long ago... The big three of american beer send their money elsewhere.

[ZLTFUL]

Beer? Just the good micro stuff, and Sam adams.
If i'm not mistaken... Budweiser = European owned (inBev?)... Coors = owned by Miller. Miller = sold to South African breweries long ago... The big three of american beer send their money elsewhere.

Also bear in mind that even such great American companies could potentially have foreign investors so you better pour out that Sam Adams, New Belgian, Goose Island, Widmer, etc. And then let's goahead and dump out the non-self distributed Micro Brews too because the companies like AB-InBev, SABMiller, et al keep your local distributors up and running not the regionals or the micros.

The phrase necessary evil takes on a whole new meaning in the beer industry. Try being a beer lover working for the largest AB-InBev distributor in the state.

[bluemoco]

They say the best way to circulate the money here in the US is to pay for locally-sourced services. 

Examples include getting a haircut at the local salon, having your car serviced at a local (independent) shop, and visiting strip clubs.   

[Speedbag]

.....and visiting strip clubs.   

"But Honey, I'm stimulating the economy..." 

[lauramonster]

she says "Oh, I thought you were stimulating yourself!"     

[That Nice Guy Beck!]

no comment

[superjohn]

I believe in trickle down economics, so I'm giving mine to a meth addicted hooker who's married to drunk who drives a Ford.

Anything to help.

[Oldfisti]

I believe in trickle down economics, so I'm giving mine to a meth addicted hooker who's married to drunk who drives a Ford.

Anything to help.

Wouldn't that be trickle up?

[Oldfisti]

Wait a minute...

                                        ...you're right!