Two Monsters, A Girl, A Matador, and A Platypus

[El Matador]

A couple of weeks ago, Desmolu and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary.

As some of you might know, we got together during one of our group's bi-annual ride to the hill country (who needs match.com when you've got the DMF?), home of the so called three sisters, or twisted sisters, Texas's response to the Deal's gap and the tail of it's dragon.

The roads in question:





So of course, for our anniversary we decided that the only way to celebrate would be to head on down to the hill country for a half week of riding and debauchery. We set the date to leave on a Wednesday and return on a Sunday. We figured that we would spend the first night in San Antonio and then camp the rest of the time once we got to the hill country. Apparently we suffer from severe amnesia, seeing as forgot what happened the last time we tried camping. For those, who like us, don't remember:


http://ducatimonsterforum.org/index.php?topic=9277.0


Before I start posting pics, I must place a disclaimer. The only camera we had with us was my blackberry. For those not acquainted with its camera, it is like having IZ take pictures in the middle of an epileptic attack.

So anyways, Wednesday comes up and we wake up early and load up the bikes at Lu's place. These are the steeds, all loaded up and ready to go:



Look at this pic and tell me if you see anything that's "off":



Yes, I am about to embark on a several hundred mile highway ride on a bike whose riding position is something akin to a torture machine so make the beast with two backsed up, that even the Spanish inquisition considered it an inhumane way of torturing their victims. Regardless of this fact I am pretty damned stoked.

So anyways, we hit the road at about 10:30 am and make our first 60 miles on I10 and stop to top off our bikes.  On the way over, we notice that the sky is a hell of a lot darker than the sunny skies promised to us by the weathermen.

Desmolu:



My Bike:



What's coming:



Hmmmm... That's interesting. I have already made my peace with weather reporting services. They are all out to get me. They deceive me with promises of blue skies and temperate climate. make the beast with two backsers.

[He Man]

Wheres the platypus? i will not read the thread until i see a pic of one.

[El Matador]

This next part of the RR I will call Conversations with Robert Plant.

Whenever I have a long stretch of slab that I have to ride, I wear headphones. On a ride as Epic as this one, something equally epic must be listened to, so the only obvious choice is to jam out to Led.  I put on my Led playlist and head out, I am the meanest mothermake the beast with two backser that has ever lived, or so the guitar riff to Black Dog tells me.

As I get into my highway mode, my mind starts to wander:

"Coming from South American highways, the smooth pavement here is wonderful"

No sooner had I thought that, that a piercing scream lets me know that the Immigrant song has started playing.

-"huh", i think, "that's a coincidence"

By the time the song had ended, I was looking at the sky with worried eyes, we had only completed about 80 miles of over 200 planned for that day when it starts raining; Damn, this make the beast with two backsing sucks.

While thinking this, a soothing voice tells my ears:

This is the mystery of the quotient - Upon us all a little rain must fall...It's just a little rain...

Screw you Plant! you never had to wear wet gear for 3 hours did ya?

By this time, I had worked myself into a bit of a funk. Whenever I try to do anything, somehow my bad luck comes out and ruins it for me. I was feeling miserable when Plant kindly informs me that:

One thing I do have on my mind, if you can clarify please do,
Its the way you call me by another guys name when I try to make love to you!

I look back at the beautiful woman riding behind me, and I realize, damn Bob, you're right shit could definitely be worse. My mood is immediately lightened. LED ZEPPLIN SPEAKS TO ME! With my spirits, the rain lifts, and we enjoy a pretty uneventful rest of the ride to San Antonio.

[El Matador]

Wheres the platypus? i will not read the thread until i see a pic of one.

We have a pet platypus. His name is Syphilis. He goes wherever we go. Here he is with an escort's vagina. No joke.

[El Matador]

We spend the night to rest up in San Antonio.

We went to the Riverwalk and do the whole tourist scene where you eat next to the river. We were enjoying a delicious meal of duck three ways when these guys show up to protest:



Piss off! if you don't watch it, you're next. Seriously though, it was a little creepy savoring the duck while these guys gave us bambi eyes.

Riverwalking:



We went to an awesome Jazz Club and spent the rest of the night enjoying the music and making fun of the rest of the tourists.



We go back to the hotel and rest up for the next day, which would be full of riding, but of the rollercoaster variety

[NAKID]

Dude, did you bring IZ along to take your pix?

[roy-nexus-6]

Awesome story so far man, keep it coming! I haven't ridden for two weeks, so stuff like this keeps me sane. 

ps: the duck photo is so blurred it almost looks like a watercolor - awesome!  [moto]

[El Matador]

Awesome story so far man, keep it coming! I haven't ridden for two weeks, so stuff like this keeps me sane. 

Thanks man!

We woke up early the next day an head out to Six flags. We had an absolute blast, almost no lines, We got to ride the same coaster over and over again until our head hurt. The people there were nice enough to store our gear so we wouldn't have to lug it around. It more than made up for them busting us trying to sneak into the parking lot.

Lucrece found a great ride. She practiced hanging off in preparation for the sisters the next day:



She really ought to focus on looking through the turn 

Apparently, Lucrece thinks I look like a Husky puppy:



Lucrece and Syphilis



Us and our loving syphilis. He really is the gift that keeps on giving:




After a great day of riding the coaster, we take the high road and prepare to ride the last 150 miles to our campsite destination. After such a great day, what could go wrong?

[He Man]

haahah, now i read! 

Awesome story so far. And as far as that first pic. Maybe its just me, but the first thing that comes to mind is my balls hurt. big time.

You should of eaten those ducks man...Peking duck....

[Porsche Monkey]

haahah, now i read! 

Awesome story so far. And as far as that first pic. Maybe its just me, but the first thing that comes to mind is my balls hurt. big time.

You should of eaten those ducks man...Peking duck....

Dude you don't eat anything that comes out of the San Antonio river.

[El Matador]

haahah, now i read! 

Awesome story so far. And as far as that first pic. Maybe its just me, but the first thing that comes to mind is my balls hurt. big time.

You should of eaten those ducks man...Peking duck....

Lu says that balls don't hurt when they're made from titanium. 


But seriously though, I moved the shit out of that backpack as far back as I could after that pic was taken

[He Man]

Dude you don't eat anything that comes out of the San Antonio river.

If the river can support life its edible  . the Hudson river is void of all life. Minus the scuba divers looking for bodies. they dont count since they arent indigenous.

Lu says that balls don't hurt when they're made from titanium. 

ive got balls of steel!!!

[Porsche Monkey]

If the river can support life its edible  . the Hudson river is void of all life. Minus the scuba divers looking for bodies. they dont count since they arent indigenous.

ive got balls of steel!!!

Dood you should see the fish that live in that river. The hudson is that bad?

[Pedro-bot]

You do realize that syphilis causes dementia? Penicillin people, find PCN ASAP! 

[El Matador]

Ok Going on.

As you can see, when we left the Park, around 5pm, it was nothing but sunny skies and puffy white clouds. We went back to the hotel to pick up the rest of our gear and gorge one last time on a Tex-Mex dinner. We decided to eat there until the horrible traffic cleared out.

By the time we finally hit the road, it was around 7, but considering that the sun sets at 9 during the summer in texas, we should've had more than enough time to get to the campground before nightfall. We forgot that deer love the dusk. Silly us.

We needed to get to Kerrville on I10 and then get on a small, windy country road for about 20 miles.

About 10 miles outside of San Antonio, I try to catch Lucrece's attention to show her some beautiful lightning that was going on far in the northwest. That's when we realized, that's exactly where we were headed. Not a second after the thought crossed my head:

CRAAASH, BOOOOOM.

Oh well, that's nice, no one told me to build an Arc to brave this kinda weather. Seriously? the shit was so thick that we couldn't see 20 feet in front of us. So much for sunset at 9. The sky was pitch black. And still, every now and then, the lightning would crash, pointing exactly towards where we going to camp.  

We were pissed. We were wet, We had a campsite to set up in the rain waiting for us. I love seeing the look on cager's faces when you pass them doing 90 in a torrential downpour. It is a mixture of Shock, Awe, and Horror.

We finally hit  16 on Kerrville after a couple of very wet and miserable hours. It is a straight easy shot to camp. If only we could find the make the beast with two backsing sign that indicates where the campsite might be. Do you know that it can rain while it's foggy? Now we do. We couldn't see shit. luckily, we only had to share the road with pot-filled VW vans going to a folk festival, and deer. Let's not forget about the make the beast with two backsing deer. Oh, that and the occasional random half a tree that katrina-redux put in the road just for us.

Our original plan was to let Lucrece lead with her awesome HID's. As we approached the twisty bits, lucrece pulls me over and kindly informs me that my tail-light is gone. So, awesome, I now get to lead while HID's illuminate all fog in front of me. Sweet!


We learned from our previous camping experience and had Lu's mom ship us her tent and sleeping bag in case of rain. I originally wanted to buy another sleeping bag, but since it was Texas summer, we decided it wasn't necessary. What we did not know was that the tent had been purchased 25 years ago and hadn't been assembled for the past 5.  Besides, in our original time of arrival, we could've asked for blankets if we needed them.


An hour after the ranch was closed, we arrived. We passed the campsite 3 times before we found it. Just about the time we got there, the rain finally let up.  The camp  managers looked upon us with pity and horror when we got there. Needless to say, I've seen dryer oceans. By the time we got there, I was about ready to find all the baby seals in the world and club them.  The camp manager was nice enough to lead us to our campsite and provide us with a flashlight. We fail at camping.

We find out that our campsite is called "the swamp" when we got there, we found out why. The ground that once was neat grass around the sand lots to put the tent in, had become the most disgusting mud and muck that tried to keep your boots as you walked on it.

We unpack the tent and try to set it up. I say try, because all the strings had rotted and would break as soon as any load was put on it. It's ok, we had bungees and zip ties. Finally, we get the tent somewhat like it's supposed to go.

Lucrece tries to convince me that we don't need the rainfly, that we should leave it off so we can see the stars. One look at my face, and she immediately begins work on assembling the rainfly. I was in no mood for taking chances, but seriously, it could not possibly rain more.

When we get into the tent, and try to zip up the windows, we realize that those holes, were not, in fact, windows. It looked like a a pack of polar bears had mauled a poor  family while they still in the tent. We try to patch up the holes as best we can with zip ties and the soaked contents of our packs. We prayed for it not to rain.

Hey at least the night was nice and chilly. With our body warmth, it was perfect. 2 hours later, I am awoken by the sound of a million african tribes beating their drums around out tent. It takes me a minute to realize that I am not in Kenya, and those aren't drums, they're Volkswagen-sized raindrops falling on the tent. I look around and see Lucrece fast asleep, having pushed me off the only sleeping bag and rolled herself in it. It's our anniversary, I think she deserves a good night's sleep.

Half an hour later, when a small ocean is lapping at my face and I'm shivering in the cold, Lucrece asks me in a perfect angel's voice "Are you cold?" The sleeping bag isn't big enough for both of us to lay on and cover ourselves with. I manage to blurt out through my stuttering teeth "N-n-n-no b-b-b-bab-y, I-i-i-i-m Fi-fi-fine" I'm a make the beast with two backsing prince.  I spent the whole night like that, shivering, laying in a puddle, looking at the roof of the tent and thinking that she better appreciate it.

This is what I looked like when I woke up:



The gashes on our tent:





Notice that the zipper is closed in this picture:



Happy happy, joy joy:



Oh yeah, our rainfly flew off in the middle of the night. I guess zipties and bungees aren't made for that.

But they do make an awesome clothesline:





As our clothes dried, I pulled out my taillight to figure out what had happened. Do you think this bulb is burnt?



Further investigation revealed that there was a water induced short.

The platypus was not pleased: