...but they do. Realtor pictures. These seem to be a throwback to a bygone age before the media-rich internet when selling things required your Glamor Shots-ified countenance. I find myself distracted from looking for homes with my looking for awesome. Join me, won't you? These pictures were all taken from the
realtor search at har.comThis is known as The Classic: chin shelf made with fist, perfect 2:1 hair to head width ratio. Place kicker shoulder pads. Background painted in 1985. These are the standard-bearer for realtor pictures
A variations including a perfect helmet of hair. It is worth pointing out that if your head is not turned or tilted a 45 degree angle then you... ain't...shit.
If women have longer hair, there is a 100% chance that it will be cascading gracefully down one shoulder.
The Soft Standard. The SS requires that your face and hair be surgically fluffed. You can also find this picture on match.com and the board of directors page at the National Cat Fancier's Association site
The Double Standard. I don't know why realtor couples are posed like they are about to box, or ditch prom and go to a hotel room, but they are.
The KAZAM!!!. See? We've got these signs and everything! I can't help but think this was the only way they could think of to get images on the internet. Holding up a sign, then having someone take a picture of it. It is photoshop the hard way, god bless em'.
Here are a few that deviate from the norm, but don't sacrifice awesome in the pursuit.
"When we close on the house, I will give y'all my cornbread recipe." This woman calls everyone "Sug' ".
Why... hello there. A/S/L/Bed/Bath? Anyone want to guess his name? It is in fact, Esteban.
"... and if anyone knows the whereabouts of CHRISTIAN BIELSTEIN (ABR ALHS ASR), please contact the National Association of Realtors for a reward in apprehending him for glamor-related crimes"
And this was the one that started my love of realtor pictures. This is Bill Clopton, one of many Zombie-Americans leading perfect productive lives today. Although he may want to crush, then consume the contents of your skull, he is dedicated to serving all of your real estate needs.
