The Hostage: Day 1

[Buckethead]

Someone from my shop, (and seriously, no, it wasn't me) liberated a very fancy and easily identified stapler from one of the other shops here at work.  While really, really, REAAAAAAALLY bored this morning we figured out what to do with it. What follows is the text of the emails sent from the official email account of The Stapler Liberation Front to the worried parents of said stapler.

The opener, sent at 9:12 am.


We have the one they call "The Stapler."

Do not try to identify us.

Do not notify the police.

If you do as instructed, you will be reunited with "The Stapler" shortly.

Our demands will be delivered later today.

- The Stapler Liberation Front

[Buckethead]

The follow-up, sent at 10:20 am.

"The Stapler" has outstayed his welcome.

While he was at first docile and compliant, he has become resistant. Combative.

After trying to bite one of his guards, he has been put in restraints where he will stay until his ransom is delivered. Or we kill him.

Either way.

- The Stapler Liberation Front

[herm]

plagiarizer!

[NAKID]

This should be interesting....

[ducpainter]

plagiarizer!

They must really be bored

[Buckethead]

Finally, the ransom demand is made at 12:04 pm.

The time has come.

For the safe return of the one known as "The Stapler," we, the Stapler Liberation Front, demand that the following "political prisoners" be released to our custody:

- 2 large pizzas, 1 "Cheese" and 1 "Pepperoni."
- 2 two liter bottles of Coca Cola
- 1 bag of Last Call Jalapeno Popper flavor Doritos

These prisoners should be escorted to mobile unit van GSS 493. They are to be left in the care of whosoever is in that van at that time. One person from your organization will escort the prisoners there, leave them, and then return to your organization.

Do not attempt to follow these prisoners once you have left them. If you do, "The Stapler" will die.

Do not contact the authorities. If you do, "The Stapler" will die.

You have until 1300 to comply.

Once these prisoners have been released to our custody and their identities verified, you will receive further instructions.

- The Stapler Liberation Front











The political prisoners were not delivered by the deadline. They're apparently not taking this as seriously as they should. "Proof of Life," in the form of "HELP ME" stapled onto a 3x5 card, will be delivered early tomorrow morning to make sure they know that we're not playing games. They'll have one more opportunity to provide the ransom. Otherwise, they'll never see their precious stapler in one piece. Ever. Again. 

[Buckethead]

plagiarizer!

That's right! You were behind the TLO!

I remembered the TLO, just not the particulars.

[NAKID]

I'm thinking the mark could probably identify the SLF by the watch and the tattoo...

[Buckethead]

That might be possible if they were all the same person.

The pictures show the hands of 6 different people from 3 different work centers.

The mark actually went to the work center with the vises demanding to know where The Stapler was, because they KNEW FOR A FACT that if had been there.

The workers in that work center conceded that two of their vises were, in fact, pictured, but they had not seen The Stapler, nor anyone with it.

Later in the day, the mark actually came into MY work center and was totally oblivious.

It was all we could do to keep from laughing but everyone in there who knew about it kept their cool.

I think tomorrow I'll go over and start some shit on the premise that the story is now all over the Maintenance division.

[NAKID]

You really want to get someone sweating?

http://www.inspot.org/gateway.aspx

[Buckethead]

Aaaaahahahahaha.

Bookmarked.

[MendoDave]

 

[somegirl]

 

They must really be bored

+1

[TiNi]

i LoVe office pranks 

[Monsterlover]