pesky ex boyfriend

tcspeedfreak · December 19, 2009, 05:04:27 PM

ok i need some help on this situation my girlfriend has an ex that is trying to get back together with her, she still works for his parents. i find myself wanting to kill this individual, but i cant. whats the best way to deal with him and somehow keep myself from sticking foot in mouth for her?

NAKID · December 19, 2009, 05:14:25 PM

Be the bigger man. Talk to her first before you say anything to him. Then, just politely pull him aside and tell him that she finds his advances unwanted and he needs to stop. Don't give any "or else" types of ultimatums. Don't raise your voice, don't posture...

tcspeedfreak · December 19, 2009, 05:17:47 PM

ive been doing that stuff, untill tonight when he let himself into our house without asking while nobody was around and fixed our oven springs after i told him not to. that was kinda the final straw. oh and did i also mention that he is a recovering pain killer addict with abusive tendancys

Popeye the Sailor · December 19, 2009, 05:21:19 PM

Quote from: tcspeedfreak on December 19, 2009, 05:17:47 PM
ive been doing that stuff, untill tonight when he let himself into our house without asking while nobody was around and fixed our oven springs after i told him not to. that was kinda the final straw. oh and did i also mention that he is a recovering pain killer addict with abusive tendancys

How did he get in?

Also, have you spoken to her about it? She may not want you to do anything.

tcspeedfreak · December 19, 2009, 05:29:56 PM

Quote from: MrIncredible on December 19, 2009, 05:21:19 PM
How did he get in?

Also, have you spoken to her about it? She may not want you to do anything.

we left the door unlocked, small town usually no issues plus her son was out and about without his house key bottom line is i didnt even think about it

now the other question, shes tired of it, shes discussed it with him before but he doesnt get the point, im trying to be the better man about the whole thing but getting frusterated

NAKID · December 19, 2009, 05:32:52 PM

Let him know that regardless of what his intentions were in the house, he entered it illegally. Let him know that the next time he does it, you will have no choice but to call the police...

Popeye the Sailor · December 19, 2009, 05:37:53 PM

I have no good advice-the parents employing your woman makes it complicated.

I would, however, lock the doors.

How did he know about the oven? You guys very much need to stop talking to him, and sever ties.

DanTheMan · December 19, 2009, 08:06:32 PM

Quote from: MrIncredible on December 19, 2009, 05:37:53 PM
sever ties.

tell her to get a different job. cut all ties.

If she doesn't, break up with her until she does.

I've dealt with the same thing (except for the job), tried to deal with it and give her the benefit to cut all ties, cause she was stilled emotionally tied. She, didn't, so i dropped her till she ended it. She finally cut it off and we got back together.

Scottish · December 19, 2009, 08:58:09 PM

Yeah, gotta agree. Time for her to hit Monster.com (that's resume's not Ducatis).

He's her past, if she wants a future with you she needs to leave that behind.

I'm not the jealous type but I don't allow contact with ex's, never ends well. I know because I've been the ex to many times to count.

tcspeedfreak · December 20, 2009, 04:02:15 AM

thanks for all the help i think i know what i gotta do, kill the little make the beast with two backsing bastard

, just kidding

stopintime · December 20, 2009, 04:17:15 AM

He will need whatever time ne needs to get over her. Shorter if all connections are cut, longer if they are not.
"Coming between them" in a violent way will make him blame you for keeping them apart and it won't allow him to get over her.

She needs to be very clear, both to you, his family and him. So do you.

Ddan · December 20, 2009, 04:22:52 AM

Quote from: stopintime on December 20, 2009, 04:17:15 AM
He will need whatever time ne needs to get over her. Shorter if all connections are cut, longer if they are not.
"Coming between them" in a violent way will make him blame you for keeping them apart and it won't allow him to get over her.

She needs to be very clear, both to you, his family and him. So do you.

+1.

cyrus buelton · December 20, 2009, 06:44:24 AM

Doesn't sound like your girlfriend has tried all that hard to keep him from being around............

If she has, she would have a restraining order against him.

If there is a history of drug abuse and violence (did he ever hit her?), pretty sure a restraining order might be easy to get, but I am no lawyer.

sbrguy · December 20, 2009, 06:45:57 AM

honestly first off lock the doors and windows when you are not there. small town or not, haven't you learned nobody can be trusted, you leave 100 dollar bill on the street no matter how "honest" peopel are someone will take it. same thing ywith your house, small town or not, lock the doors and windows when not there, people are not inherently honest otherwise we wouldn't need the police or laws.

say nothing to him or her, its her ex she has to deal with it. honestly this is one thing she has to take care of.

just like if you had an ex its something you have to take care of, it wouldn't be her responsibility to talk to your ex right?

however, if the guy ever touches any of your personal property, then that is when the line is crossed.

tcspeedfreak · December 20, 2009, 07:30:27 AM

Quote from: cyrus buelton on December 20, 2009, 06:44:24 AM
Doesn't sound like your girlfriend has tried all that hard to keep him from being around............

If she has, she would have a restraining order against him.

If there is a history of drug abuse and violence (did he ever hit her?), pretty sure a restraining order might be easy to get, but I am no lawyer.

shes had several restraining orders against him, hes also spent time in jail for hitting her. as soon as the restraining orders expire he shows up again, he is just that dense he doesnt get the point

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pesky ex boyfriend