The Genuine/Official (more or less) NMMR Joke Thread

[kingbaby]

This is a perfect example of, check in on the forum often king. This is a lot of "info" to take in (and throw up) at once.  If you photo shop Lindsey Vonns entire body over theirs, they actually look pretty good. 

[KRJ]

   Good Morning King, yeah, I personally had to go to "The Daily Bikini" to get that out of my mind. I blame Scottish for any eye or brain damage that occured as a result of this barbaric subject matter...

[Kawboy]

DAMN!!!       This is supposed to be a joke threat, not a choke and puke     



Here's some nursery rhymes to read to you kids, or grand kids, or future kids   . . .   which ever applies.


Mary had a little pig,

She kept it fat and plastered;

And when the price of pork went up,

She shot the little bastard.

********************



Mary had a little lamb.

Her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her,

Between two hunks of bread.

********************



Jack and Jill went up the hill

To have a little fun.

Stupid Jill forgot the pill

And now they have a son.

********************



Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the pie man,

'What have you got there?'

Said the pie man unto Simon,

'Pies, you dumb ass' !!

********************



Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the kings' horses,

And all the kings' men.

Had scrambled eggs,

For breakfast again.

********************



Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,

All over the bedside clock.

The little dog laughed to see such fun.

Then died of electric shock.

********************



Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,

Kissed the girls and made them cry.

And when the boys came out to play,

He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

********************



There was a little girl who had a little curl

Right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good, she was very, very good.

But when she was bad........

She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

[kingbaby]

DAMN!!!       This is supposed to be a joke threat

Threatening...Violating.... Yes...Yes.   

[Kawboy]

Threatening...Violating.... Yes...Yes.   

THREAT    THREAD         It's only one leter (sic).  Even spel (sic) check would have missed it.   

[kingbaby]

Tomato, Tomato.

Patato, Patato

Vonn, Rice.

They're all the same.   

[KRJ]

 Missed one Kawboy:

  There was an Old Whore from Peru
 
  Whose crotch she did fill with glue

  She said with a grin

  "You'll pay to get in"

  "And you'll pay to get outta Me too"

  yeah, I know....

[Scottish]

   Good Morning King, yeah, I personally had to go to "The Daily Bikini" to get that out of my mind. I blame Scottish for any eye or brain damage that occured as a result of this barbaric subject matter...

<bows> thank you ladies and gents, I'll be here all week.

[Zaster]

Thought I share a couple of interesting images:

Must be an HD rider:



Like the hand bag:



Just wondering how many accidents this could cause

[kingbaby]

Why do women that don't need a bag like that carry one   

Life is cruel   

[Zaster]

Skinny Dipping...

An elderly man in Kansas had owned a large farm for several Years.  He had a large pond in the back. 
It was properly shaped for swimming, so  he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts,and some apple, and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until  you leave!' 

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'  Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'

Some old men can still think fast. 

[Zaster]

Guts or Balls?
 
There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts
or balls, but do you really know the difference between them?  In an
effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:
 
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by
your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you still
cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'
 
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass
and having the balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'
 
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
 
Medically speaking there is no difference in the outcome.  Both result in
death.

[bonfy]

That is what my cutlass is for.   

And you can imagine where that broom would end up.   

[Zaster]

That is what my cutlass is for.   

And you can imagine where that broom would end up.   

I expected to draw a strike from the opposite gender.....nice job Bonfy

[dusty]

 

Fact of Life:


After Monday and Tuesday...
even the calendar says

W T F