Help with best man speech

[ducatiz]

"There once was a man called Mother,
whose titties were like no other....."

he taped them to the side..

[ducducgooseme]

Like side airbags they did ride.....

[KnightofNi]

She's planning on commenting on your boobs at our wedding. Payback is a pregnant dog.

make sure he wears a nice bra at least.

[JEFF_H]

i got nervous before doing my first one....and drank a bunch.
bad idea.

luckily he let me try again when he got married the second time 

[KnightofNi]

i got nervous before doing my first one....and drank a bunch.
bad idea.

luckily he let me try again when he got married the second time 

is it bad form to wish them better luck the second time around?

[Drunken Monkey]

Snippets from what my best man had to say:

When he asked me to be his best man the first question I asked myself was "Why should I? I mean what has he ever done for me?" So I thought back over the 20-odd years we've been friends, and realized he was the first guy to ever get me drunk, he introduced me to my first girlfriend and he got me my first job in an industry we both still work in today. So I realized he had done a lot to me. Uh, sorry. "for me" And I wouldn't get another chance like this to get back at him. Uh, I mean thank him.

...

When I first met his lovely wife, I thought to myself that she had a certain quality that he was lacking in his life. She had a certain, oh how do I put this? (fumbles through his notes)... Ah yes, "Class."

[mitt]

I made the best man speech once, and then proceeded to disrobe on the dance floor an hour or so later  later     

So, you always have that going for you if the speech sucks and need plan B 

mitt

[Popeye the Sailor]

They say a man isn't complete until he's married, and then he's finished.....

[NoisyDante]

Ha, some of these are great little one liners.  I'm in Puerto Rico right now for the bachelor party, havin a great time.  I'll be writing the speech over the next few weeks, I think it'll be a good one.

[NorDog]

You can't do any worse (or better) than this...

[ODrides]

Make it personal, complimentary, and humorous.  Don't air out any laundry or point out any shortcomings.  A little teasing can be cute, but don't harp on anything that would make the bride, groom, or guests uncomfortable.  I was my brother's best man, and we're not that close. I was still able to word the speech it in a way that was sweet.  Got lots of compliments afterwards.  Keep it under 3 minutes!

[superjohn]

As for getting started, just write down random thoughts about the guy, some thoughts about his fiancee and the two of them together. Put it away. Come back and write some more and put it away. When you have a few, I tend to visualize, so imagine you're about to give the speech and jot out something connecting the thoughts you put together.

When you have that, practice it out loud a couple of times and revise as necessary.

[Goggles Pizano]

1.  Go buy a bunch of hallmark cards to get started.
2.  Tailor them to something that can known by you and your friends, but most can appreciate.
3.  Include some snippet of inside humor
4.  Write EVERYTHING down on crib notes/cue cards you can hide in your hand and don't deviate.
5.  ?
6.  Profit

[corey]

mine was short and sweet for my brother's wedding.
i had his wife put her hand on the table, and then had him put his hand on hers and said... "enjoy this moment, because this is the last time you will ever have the upper-hand in this relationship..." followed by a brief welcome to the family, and a couple shots. i was 18 and very nervous.

[NoisyDante]

Thanks for all of the advice.  My brother got married last night.    

I had my speech prepared as much as possible, I knew it word for word, I had tension cutters and escape lines all lined up.  What I did not account for was getting a little choked up at times when things got a little emotional, but I was able to make fun of myself for it and play it off.  In all it was a massive success, and I was told by many it was the best they've seen.

I chose, because I was coming from Los Angeles, the land of motion pictures, that I would use movie quotes within my speech to move it along.  I was able to put in 27 quotes from movies like Animal House, Goldfinger, Ratatouiille, Lawrence of Arabia, The Big Lebowski, O Brother Where Art Thou, Star Wars, Pirates of the Caribbean, V For Vendetta, Fight Club, Muppets Take Manhattan, Newsies, and a few more.

Nothing tanked, everything that warranted a laugh got one, the bride was laughing and crying, my brother was laughing as well, and my parents taped the whole thing.  I originally timed it out to be about 4 and a half minutes.  Total length with appluase and laughter and comedic pauses . . . . 9 minutes.  So glad it's over!