Advice on convincing wife to let me buy a bike

[Last Canadian Exit]

Manny has a moto?

Where do the tools sit?

He's got a side car that their box fits right in.  His hour long special is all about him and his tools heading for a ride to the family reunion.  Mann's Motorcycle Adventure is what is called I think haha.

What about Mike's Motorcycle adventure? 

[duc_fan]

Wow, sorry to hear about the dilemma.  I got my moto kicks in prior to meeting my wife-to-be, knowing that some women are not okay with motorcycles.  But then I was very lucky to meet this wonderful young lady... she thinks the 900SS is "sexy as hell", thinks I should keep it, and she LOVES riding on the back of it (all I heard after her first time on the back seat was "go faster!").  I've told her if she's uncomfortable with me riding, then I am willing to sell it (she's worth more than the motorcycle by FAR).  So far, she loves the fact I own and ride a Ducati, and does not want me to sell it.

So anyway... two options that I see for your situation:

1) Track bike.  ryandalling mentioned many of the reasons this is FAR safer than riding on the street.

2) Start with a scooter.  Friend of mine did this, justifying that it saved a LOT of money on gas for commuting (which it did).  Now he's considering moving up to a "real" motorcycle, and after riding on the back of the scoot, and knowing how safe this friend is (Quality Engineer for an avionics company), his wife is okay with him buying a motorcycle.

To be blunt, if I stopped doing anything that a friend had died while doing, I wouldn't have much left I could do.

Ditto.  Living life has risks.  Doesn't matter if you're on a bicycle, motorcycle, in a Volvo, or driving an M-1 Abrams tank... sh!t happens.  I, for one, refuse to live in a state of paranoia.  Now, am I suicidal with my hobbies?  No.  I wear full gear, have taken the appropriate training, and I keep the knee-dragging cornering speeds limited to the track (where the aforementioned crews wait with the ambulance engine running, and none of the variables of the street like oncoming traffic/deer/etc).

As far as track injuries go... I live in the Columbia River Gorge between Oregon and Washington... hikers and mountain bikers fall off cliffs, get lost, etc.  Kiteboarders get decapitated when their kite lines get wrapped around their heads (those kites generate a lot of lift).  Windsurfers drown.  Skiers/snowboarders die in avalanches.  Snowmobilers get lost and die of exposure.  If you're living life, you're at risk of death.  Hell, getting out of bed in the morning entails some risk of death...  so yeah, the injuries and deaths at the track, while tragic, do not make me hesitate when it comes to track riding.  I try to learn from the mistakes of others and take appropriate precautions, then... I go out and enjoy life.

[muskrat]

I met my wife at a motorcycle gathering 

My first date with my wife was on a bike.  Now I ride'em both. 

[ducpainter]

He's got a side car that their box fits right in.  His hour long special is all about him and his tools heading for a ride to the family reunion.  Mann's Motorcycle Adventure is what is called I think haha.

What about Mike's Motorcycle adventure? 

Handy Manny - Motorcycle Adventure #2

 

[dropstharockalot]

......enjoy your minivan......

Too true.

I went about getting the bike all wrong, and so I hear about it quite a bit.  There are a lot of good suggestions in this thread, and if I had it to do all over again I'd follow the advice here.

Do:
Take the beginner rider course (whether you think you need it or not).
Take the follow-up course (as soon as it's available and/or you're eligible).
Spend more on your protective gear than on the first bike.
Get nerdy, brightly-colored hi-visibility protective gear instead of dark, menacing “I'm a bada#$ biker” stuff that visually contradicts everything you're telling wifey about being a safe rider.
Introduce her to the tolerant/supportive wives and girlfriends of the people you will be riding with so that she can hear from people in a similar situation about how they deal with the stress of having a rider spouse.
Buy a bike that matches your skill level and stated riding intentions (Mama knows the 'busa ain't no starter bike and ain't no 'commuter')

Don't:
Expect her to buy the whole “I rode in college, I'm sure I'm still up-to-speed” story.
Ride on an expired learner's permit like I did, or violate the terms of the permit by riding at night... kinda contradicts the whole "safe rider" thing when you don't adhere to simple laws that clearly exist for your own safety.
Blow off the beginning rider course because you're hung over.
Buy cheap-o gear just because it was on clearance.
Buy a menacing all-black Icon mutant ghetto ninja jacket, Mad Max gloves and boots (and expect her to buy into my mild-mannered commuter / weekend putt rider story… the apparel just screams out “I'm doin' wheelies! Whooo!”)
Ride with a bunch of people she's never met… or, worse, people she “disapproves” off (ie: slutty chicks).
Buy an M900 with a jet kit and a bald back tire as your first bike… (“No, honey, the jet kit is just to make it more responsive, not any faster… and I don't know how the tire got that way, the last guy must just be too cheap to by a new rear wheel…”)


The only thing that I'd really done right was keeping the discussion going about intending to get another bike since I sold the last one.  I had one in college and she knew I regretted selling it, and about once a summer I'd get to the point where I was speaking with a dealership or private seller pretty seriously.  The upside to that was she wasn't completely surprised when I finally took the plunge.  I guess the downside was that she'd gotten used to me flirting with a purchase and not actually buying, so she had probably gotten to the point where she assumed I was all talk and no action.

I'm finally to the point where she trusts me to not put myself in danger, but it took about a year and a half of good behavior to build that trust back up.  It would have gone a lot quicker if I hadn't done all the boneheaded stuff I listed above.  I wouldn't say she's supportive of my hobby quite yet, but she no longer resents it as much as she did.

Good luck!

[Last Canadian Exit]

Being really super nice to her is helping.  I can now actually mention the word motorcycle without getting the silent treatment.

Soon time to get her to sign off on permit and training course.  Hope that goes well!

The point about wives that have husbands that own bikes is a good one.  I re-kindled my bid for a bike because her best friend's husband just bought one.  But, then I just found out that her and her husband just went out on their new bike with no lids on.  Grrrrreat.  I made a huge deal about how stupid that was and hopefully it gained me points!

[dropstharockalot]

....
But, then I just found out that her and her husband just went out on their new bike with no lids on.  Grrrrreat.  I made a huge deal about how stupid that was and hopefully it gained me points!

I've sorta trained my kids to critique the safety gear of people they see riding when we're going somewhere in the car.  The little voices come out of the backseat whenever a weekend warrior with no lid blows by... "Uh-oh, Dah-deee! No heww-met!" and "Daddy, he's not riding very safe!  He didn't even have GLOVES on!"

It's showing my wife that I've gotten serious about being a safer rider.  She knows I'm trying to set an example in case the kids ever want to ride (a pretty safe bet with two rambunctious little boys that love jet planes and robots and race cars...).

[triangleforge]

Go watch this episode (last night's) of Cougar Town:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/131330/cougar-town-counting-on-you#s-p1-so-i0

Not because it'll help, necessarily, but the moto bits (with lots of begging and whinging and crashing) made me laugh.

[MendoDave]

Once she goes on a ride with you her whole attitude will change.

When I was Dating the woman who is now my wife, She was saying "Oh no...I'm never going on the back of a motorcycle"
I was thinking, I don't think this is going to work.

One day we were talking of going to the movies (and I had no car) So I just said here put this on (a helmet) it's only three blocks. She got on and we put putted a round the corner to the Movie theater. On the way back it was slightly farther. now she likes to go for a ride once in a while.

[Last Canadian Exit]

Go watch this episode (last night's) of Cougar Town:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/131330/cougar-town-counting-on-you#s-p1-so-i0

Not because it'll help, necessarily, but the moto bits (with lots of begging and whinging and crashing) made me laugh.

Funny you mention that!  I added Courtney Cox to the Handy Manny and Oso speech the other day! 

I said you watch and let your children watch shows that say having a motorcycle is acceptable but you don't let me have one?  Not a good message to send the kids, hahaha!

[Oldfisti]

Sounds like the lyrics to big rock candy mountain

+1


Except I would still recommend sock washing.

[Venom51]

Just buy one. If a relationship ends because of a decision like that, then let it end. One person holding another person back isn't conducive to a healthy relationship anyway. Woulda, coulda, shoulda isn't something you want to be saying when it's too late. Make it happen and enjoy life...grab the horns and take the ride. Trust me, it's better than watching from the sidelines.

[il d00d]

You've gotten a lot of good advice both on convincing her that a motorcycle is not vehicular suicide, and what you should do to fulfill that promise.  I'll add my experience, which has been convincing the rest of my family, and not necessarily my wife that I am a safe rider and will not instantly die the minute I start up my bike.

If you can rattle off Snell test criteria, recite the difference between level one and level two requirements for CE back protectors, or generally answer any moto death anecdote with an earful of boring scientific data about protective equipment you will win the war of attrition against the anti-moto factions. 

If someone mentions hearing about someone's cousin's friend dying ask them if they were wearing a helmet, gloves, and boots (leg injuries are the most common according to the Hurt study), or if they were drinking (accounting for 50% of all moto accidents), how fast they were going (a trick question - speed does not really correlate to fatalities) and then offer up some safety trivia like the abrasion resistance qualities of various materials, you will effectively bore the shit out them and end the conversation.  These people, and hopefully your wife too, will realize that you are fully invested in ensuring your own safety. 

What they think may happen -someone was just riding along minding their own business and when suddenly they were killed to death- eventually becomes no match for the things you will make sure will happen -protecting yourself, riding defensively, and mitigating all possible risks.

I will also add that it does not take a pile of cash to be geared up properly, as long as you have done your research.  I think many new riders think there is a safety halo comprised of cash surrounding their brand new Dainese two-piece (a fine brand to be sure), but you can ride just as safely and spend less money.  Just do your research.  And good luck to ya' 

[Last Canadian Exit]

Great advice.  I think I need to get more data to spew everytime she blocks my next move.  She will start to get that I am serious about this.  I started today, as I read the HURT report and gave her some numbers.

Will look at more sites though, need as much ammo as I can get!

[Popeye the Sailor]

Just buy one. If a relationship ends because of a decision like that, then let it end. One person holding another person back isn't conducive to a healthy relationship anyway. Woulda, coulda, shoulda isn't something you want to be saying when it's too late. Make it happen and enjoy life...grab the horns and take the ride. Trust me, it's better than watching from the sidelines.

If this was that important, it should've been hashed out before gf and no kids became wife with triplets. The man has obligations that are more important. Doing it without consent would be epically friggin' stupid.