DMF joke thread

[Mojo S2R]

I was at the bank today,  there was a short line.

There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.

It was obvious she was a little irritated . . . She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."

The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"

 

[ducpainter]

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. Weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic,19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up..

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.. She is wearing nothing but
Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'.

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. As promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program

'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone..... 'This is our most rigorous program.'
'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.'

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I can catch you, you're mine.'

He lost 63 pounds that week.   

[somegirl]

 

[Buckethead]

The joke is old, but the potential for anal rape is always funny. 

[Desert Dust]

There are approximately 3,000,000 battered women in the United States.


Do you know what they have in common?


Stupid pregnant doges don't know when to shut-up!   

[ducpainter]

^^^^

Not funny

[lethe]

The only things that should be beaten are eggs and meat. And even with those you should feel guilty and ashamed afterwards.

[Desert Dust]

It's a joke boys. 

Hence the title...... "DMF JOKE THREAD" 

Live a little. Don't take yourselves so seriously.   

[ducpainter]

It's a joke boys. 

Hence the title...... "DMF JOKE THREAD" 

Live a little. Don't take yourselves so seriously.   

Jokes are funny.

That won't ever be funny...sorry.

I don't take myself seriously at all.

[Zaster]

It's a joke boys. 

Don't forget the gals  

[Monsterlover]

There are approximately 3,000,000 battered women in the United States.


Do you know what they have in common?


Stupid pregnant doges don't know when to shut-up!   

I just heard a joke that started the exact same first sentence and ended with

"and here all this time I've been eating mine plain."

You might want to delete that post. . .

there are a lot of us here that will laugh at anything. .

but not that.

[DaniD]

What do you call children born in a whore house?!?!?

Brothel Sprouts!!

[Popeye the Sailor]

What do you call children born in a whore house?!?!?

Brothel Sprouts!!

Where have you been? Get hitched then disappear.

[DaniD]

HAHA...yeah I guess it did seem to work out that way but I'm back now!!!!!!

[djrashonal]

HAHA...yeah I guess it did seem to work out that way but I'm back now!!!!!!

U look really familiar, did you go to gaithersburg high?

St. Patty's day treat:
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a pub together. They each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they are about to enjoy their creamy beverages, a fly lands in each of their pints and gets stuck in the frothy head.

The Englishman pushes his beer away in disgust.

The Scotsman fishes the fly out and continues drinking as if nothing happened.

The Irishman also picks the fly out of his drink, but then holds it out over the beer and yells, "Spit it out! Spit it out, you little bastard!"