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DMF joke thread

Started by sno_duc, May 06, 2008, 01:31:31 PM

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triangleforge

#1560
May 14, 2015, 10:34:59 AM
By hammer and hand all arts do stand.
2000 Cagiva Gran Canyon

Kopfjager

#1561
May 14, 2015, 12:52:44 PM
Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"  "Yes," replies the little girl.  "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.  The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"  The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!"  "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!"
Woohoohoohoo! Two personal records! For breath holding and number of sharks shot in the face.

Needle99

#1562
May 14, 2015, 01:52:01 PM
2004 S4R, Full Termi Kit, marving midpipe, DP Clutch pressure plate, Rizoma Open Clutch Cover,  Ducabike Slave Cyl and some tasteful carbon blingy goodness

ducpainter

#1563
May 14, 2015, 04:47:07 PM
"Once you accept that a child on the autistic spectrum experiences the world in
 a completely different way than you, you will be open to understand how that
 perspective
    is even more amazing than yours."
    To realize the value of nine  months:
    Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
"Don't piss off old people The older we get, the less 'Life in Prison' is a deterrent."


DarkMonster620

#1564
May 22, 2015, 10:52:27 AM
A friend of mine got a phone at 0300h . . . The guy on the side of the phone tells him "We've got your wife, if you want to see her again, you have to give us $300.00" . . . Guy pauses and tells the person on the phone "my wife is right besides me in bed, but, gimme a call tomorrow morning, this deal interests me" . . .  :o
Carlos
I said I was smart, never that I had my shit together
Quote from: ducatiz on March 27, 2014, 08:34:34 AMDucati is the pretty girl that can't walk in heels without stumbling. I still love her.
"When you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

Johnny OrganDonor

#1565
May 30, 2015, 07:29:33 AM


Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay, then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."

Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance, Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, so that should do us just fine."

Mr. Smith is impressed Bruce has put so much thought into this. "Well Bruce, it seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little children of your own?"

Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far."

Monsterlover

#1566
May 30, 2015, 08:24:12 AM
[laugh]

Oh boy
"The Vincent was like a bullet that went straight; the Ducati is like the magic bullet in Dallas that went sideways and hit JFK and the Governor of Texas at the same time."--HST    **"A man who works with his hands is a laborer.  A man who works with his hands and his brain is a craftsman.  A man who works with his hands, brains, and heart is an artist."  -Louis Nizer**

Kopfjager

#1567
May 30, 2015, 12:37:43 PM
Woohoohoohoo! Two personal records! For breath holding and number of sharks shot in the face.

DarkMonster620

#1568
June 07, 2015, 09:21:55 AM
Carlos
I said I was smart, never that I had my shit together
Quote from: ducatiz on March 27, 2014, 08:34:34 AMDucati is the pretty girl that can't walk in heels without stumbling. I still love her.
"When you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

Popeye the Sailor

#1569
June 28, 2015, 10:19:14 AM
A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them. "Hey, show us yer teets, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks. Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Immaculate Mary and says, "I don't think they know who we are. Show them your cross."

Sister Immaculate Mary rolls down her window and shouts, "Screw off ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!" Sister Immaculate Mary rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently and asks, "Was that cross enough?"


A blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay the high prices. After unsuccessfully haggling with of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde said, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price." Later in the day, the shopkeeper spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. She took aim at an alligator, killed it and hauled it onto the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and shouted in frustration, "Damn, this one isn't wearing any shoes either."


After another heavy snow, old Nate donned his boots and winter coat and slowly made his way shovel in hand to begin shoveling his driveway. The snow was wet and the going tough. He felt the sweat run down his back, his breathing was labored and there was a tightening in his chest, but he pushed on.

He had just reached the end of his driveway when he looked up and saw standing there the grim reaper himself. Knowing this was the end, he threw down his shovel in disgust and proclaimed "Did you have to wait until AFTER I finished?"
If the state had not cut funding for the mental institutions, this project could never have happened.

ducpainter

#1570
June 29, 2015, 04:41:36 AM
Bastard... ;D
"Once you accept that a child on the autistic spectrum experiences the world in
 a completely different way than you, you will be open to understand how that
 perspective
    is even more amazing than yours."
    To realize the value of nine  months:
    Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
"Don't piss off old people The older we get, the less 'Life in Prison' is a deterrent."


Popeye the Sailor

#1571
June 29, 2015, 10:48:52 AM
Quote from: ducpainter on June 29, 2015, 04:41:36 AM
Bastard... ;D

I changed the name....just for you.  :-*
If the state had not cut funding for the mental institutions, this project could never have happened.

ducpainter

#1572
June 29, 2015, 03:28:15 PM
Quote from: Satellite smithy on June 29, 2015, 10:48:52 AM
I changed the name....just for you.  :-*
I knew that... :-*
"Once you accept that a child on the autistic spectrum experiences the world in
 a completely different way than you, you will be open to understand how that
 perspective
    is even more amazing than yours."
    To realize the value of nine  months:
    Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
"Don't piss off old people The older we get, the less 'Life in Prison' is a deterrent."


Monsterlover

#1573
June 30, 2015, 07:47:49 PM
[laugh]
"The Vincent was like a bullet that went straight; the Ducati is like the magic bullet in Dallas that went sideways and hit JFK and the Governor of Texas at the same time."--HST    **"A man who works with his hands is a laborer.  A man who works with his hands and his brain is a craftsman.  A man who works with his hands, brains, and heart is an artist."  -Louis Nizer**

Needle99

#1574
July 01, 2015, 04:00:09 AM
If the joke was Old Greg I would have been worried.....
2004 S4R, Full Termi Kit, marving midpipe, DP Clutch pressure plate, Rizoma Open Clutch Cover,  Ducabike Slave Cyl and some tasteful carbon blingy goodness
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