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Author Topic: DMF joke thread  (Read 444122 times)
Mojo S2R
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« Reply #570 on: March 11, 2010, 08:13:21 PM »
I was at the bank today,  there was a short line.

There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.

It was obvious she was a little irritated . . . She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."

The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"

 laughingdp
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ducpainter
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DILLIGAF
« Reply #571 on: March 12, 2010, 09:16:12 AM »
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. Weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic,19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up..

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.. She is wearing nothing but
Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'.

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. As promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program

'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone..... 'This is our most rigorous program.'
'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.'

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I can catch you, you're mine.'

He lost 63 pounds that week.   
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"Once you accept that a child on the autistic spectrum experiences the world in
 a completely different way than you, you will be open to understand how that
 perspective
    is even more amazing than yours."
    To realize the value of nine  months:
    Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
"Don't piss off old people The older we get, the less 'Life in Prison' is a deterrent.”
somegirl
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« Reply #572 on: March 12, 2010, 09:36:08 AM »
 laughingdp laughingdp
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Buckethead
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« Reply #573 on: March 12, 2010, 11:17:34 AM »
The joke is old, but the potential for anal rape is always funny.  waytogo
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Quote from: Jester on April 11, 2013, 06:29:35 AM
I can't wait until Marquez gets on his level and makes Jorge trip on his tampon string. 
Desert Dust
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« Reply #574 on: March 12, 2010, 05:19:41 PM »
There are approximately 3,000,000 battered women in the United States.


Do you know what they have in common?


Stupid pregnant doges don't know when to shut-up!   Evil
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07 S2R 1K:  "You are not special. You're not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We're all part of the same compost heap. We're all singing, all dancing crap of the world.”
ducpainter
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DILLIGAF
« Reply #575 on: March 12, 2010, 05:23:48 PM »
^^^^

Not funny
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"Once you accept that a child on the autistic spectrum experiences the world in
 a completely different way than you, you will be open to understand how that
 perspective
    is even more amazing than yours."
    To realize the value of nine  months:
    Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
"Don't piss off old people The older we get, the less 'Life in Prison' is a deterrent.”
lethe
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« Reply #576 on: March 12, 2010, 05:39:00 PM »
The only things that should be beaten are eggs and meat. And even with those you should feel guilty and ashamed afterwards.
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Desert Dust
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"There's no glamour in Nirvana, no glamour at all"
« Reply #577 on: March 12, 2010, 05:49:47 PM »
It's a joke boys.  bang head

Hence the title...... "DMF JOKE THREAD" 

Live a little. Don't take yourselves so seriously.  chug  Grin
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07 S2R 1K:  "You are not special. You're not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We're all part of the same compost heap. We're all singing, all dancing crap of the world.”
ducpainter
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DILLIGAF
« Reply #578 on: March 12, 2010, 05:52:33 PM »
Quote from: Desert Dust on March 12, 2010, 05:49:47 PM
It's a joke boys.  bang head

Hence the title...... "DMF JOKE THREAD" 

Live a little. Don't take yourselves so seriously.  chug  Grin
Jokes are funny.

That won't ever be funny...sorry.

I don't take myself seriously at all.
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"Once you accept that a child on the autistic spectrum experiences the world in
 a completely different way than you, you will be open to understand how that
 perspective
    is even more amazing than yours."
    To realize the value of nine  months:
    Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
"Don't piss off old people The older we get, the less 'Life in Prison' is a deterrent.”
Zaster
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« Reply #579 on: March 12, 2010, 05:53:26 PM »
Quote from: Desert Dust on March 12, 2010, 05:49:47 PM
It's a joke boys.  bang head
Don't forget the gals  Roll Eyes
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Monsterlover
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« Reply #580 on: March 15, 2010, 10:53:04 AM »
Quote from: Desert Dust on March 12, 2010, 05:19:41 PM
There are approximately 3,000,000 battered women in the United States.


Do you know what they have in common?


Stupid pregnant doges don't know when to shut-up!   Evil




I just heard a joke that started the exact same first sentence and ended with

"and here all this time I've been eating mine plain."

You might want to delete that post. . .

there are a lot of us here that will laugh at anything. .

but not that.
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"The Vincent was like a bullet that went straight; the Ducati is like the magic bullet in Dallas that went sideways and hit JFK and the Governor of Texas at the same time."--HST    **"A man who works with his hands is a laborer.  A man who works with his hands and his brain is a craftsman.  A man who works with his hands, brains, and heart is an artist."  -Louis Nizer**
DaniD
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« Reply #581 on: March 17, 2010, 08:07:14 AM »
What do you call children born in a whore house?!?!?

Brothel Sprouts!! Grin
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"Champagne for my real friends, and real pain for my sham friends."
Popeye the Sailor
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« Reply #582 on: March 17, 2010, 08:13:36 AM »
Quote from: DaniD on March 17, 2010, 08:07:14 AM
What do you call children born in a whore house?!?!?

Brothel Sprouts!! Grin

Where have you been? Get hitched then disappear.
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If the state had not cut funding for the mental institutions, this project could never have happened.
DaniD
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« Reply #583 on: March 17, 2010, 08:56:32 AM »
HAHA...yeah I guess it did seem to work out that way but I'm back now!!!!!!
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"Champagne for my real friends, and real pain for my sham friends."
djrashonal
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« Reply #584 on: March 17, 2010, 10:50:09 AM »
Quote from: DaniD on March 17, 2010, 08:56:32 AM
HAHA...yeah I guess it did seem to work out that way but I'm back now!!!!!!

U look really familiar, did you go to gaithersburg high?

St. Patty's day treat:
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a pub together. They each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they are about to enjoy their creamy beverages, a fly lands in each of their pints and gets stuck in the frothy head.

The Englishman pushes his beer away in disgust.

The Scotsman fishes the fly out and continues drinking as if nothing happened.

The Irishman also picks the fly out of his drink, but then holds it out over the beer and yells, "Spit it out! Spit it out, you little bastard!"
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