What do you talk about w/ the SO?

[powerhammer]

My take on long distance and/or internet borne relationships is that it's exactly like the book being better than the movie.

If it goes on too long you start making all kinds of grandiose ideas/assumptions/events/expectations in your mind and when you're finally together it isn't the same.

I won't do the long distance stuff anymore myself having realized that.  That and all the wishing and missing is just too painful.

[somegirl]

I really enjoy spending time with guys who accept that you don't have to be entertaining each other all the time, sometimes it's nice just to hang out in silence.

However, if one of you is consistently not satisfied with the communication level, that means that the relationship is in trouble, possibly salvageable, but possibly not, sorry.

[BWClark]

What do you talk about with the s/o? Two things.

1. Whatever she wants to talk about.

2. Her.

...



It sounds like it's been a long stretch of time apart, and change is in the air as school is finishing for you soon. Keep shit upbeat man. I agree she needs to feel connection. You still have one thing in common after all your time apart, and it ties into why you're going to school and going through your challenges now...

...
3. Your future together.

You can still vent your frustrations, just put them into the context of why you're doing it (school). Plan, look forward, get excited about what's to come. Chicks like that (don't they?).   

[Statler]

together for 18 years, married for 12. 

We talk often every day throughout work, but you are right...at some point you run out of stories.


While we love some private time together, we also recognize the ned to go out with friends (together as a couple).

If you can manage going out with some other people whose company you enjoy (I realize this is difficult is still long distance), then the talk while out is interesting because it's new folks, and the talk later is interesting because you can talk about them, and establish even more of the us versus the world mentality that fosters couple happiness.

Never underestimate the importance of going out in small groups as a couple.  You don't have to swing or even flirt much with others to stay happy in a long-term reationship...you just have to change together versus changing seperately.   You NEED mutual friends....nobody feels threatened, lots to talk about.

[Popeye the Sailor]

I just make shit up off the top of my head and pass it off as fact.

Make up new and exciting problems.

"Sorry I've been so distant lately sweetie, it's just my PO is *really* coming down on me lately about not skipping anymore of my NA meetings...."


Tell her of wondrous things you've learned and can't wait to show her.

"I can't wait to woo you with my sensuous trombone playing. It'll be electric."

"I've learned how to scale small buildings without equipment."

"I've taught the dogs how to use the toilet"


Or, with me, I typically find ways for her to worry.

"Those snakes with the red and yellow touching? Are those poisonous?"

"Did you take the car to the airport with you?"

"Hey....remember your Ducati?"


Have fun!

[somegirl]

"Those snakes with the red and yellow touching? Are those poisonous?"

"Did you take the car to the airport with you?"

"Hey....remember your Ducati?"

Hey now.....don't forget that I am in the same state as your Chrysler.  

Have fun!

[Speeddog]

<bookmark>

[SacDuc]

Generally my wife and I talk about how awesome I am. I suggest you and your lady also talk about how awesome I am. 

sac

[somegirl]

"The DMF Pic thread just re-opened."

[Grampa]

Generally my wife and I talk about how awesome I am. I suggest you and your lady also talk about how awesome I am. 

sac

It's worked for us

[IZ]

KnightofNi is right

THAT ^^^ comment goes both in the WTF thread and the "things you should never do" thread!!   NEVER tell Kni he is right!! 



Erik..I did a 2 year long distance with the s/o before we got married.  It was tough!  We're going on 14 years married next month.   

Maybe you two should take a break.  IF it's meant to be, she'll come back.  If not, you'll be away from each other.  Lots of opportunities for you out there, I'm sure!

[Manny]

Some others are quite correct - make sure she feels she is being heard and that she feels that you WANT to hear her thoughts/troubles/emotions/etc. Don't feel afraid to express your concern, but don't harp on it either. After a reasonable discussion about it, move on to deliberately happier subjects.

Talking about the future is good. Especially if both of you know that it's just kinda rambling to fill up space in a pleasant way. The conversation doesn't have to always be useful or "deep." Planning vacations together is also good. Oddly, this is a good way to find out alot about a person without having to live with them. 

Phone sex intimacy is always good, but try a twist on it - tell her what to do, or tell her to tell you what to do. Include some fantasy, but be sure to distinguish between real limits and an idea explored verbally just to raise the tension level for fun. Sorry if that's a little explicit, but it can release alot of tension as well as increase the level of closeness.

Sending multi-media pictures of your day is good. I send my gf pics from my phone several times a week. She gets to feel that she's involved in my life and my thoughts throughout the day.

I used to work at a coffee shop. The postman who brought our mail was married to a post-woman. I always wondered why he had a bluetooth on while delivering mail, and would occasionally talk to himself, but not like a continuous conversation. They just had an unlimited minutes cell plan and good headsets. Lots of quality time spent together, but often in silence. They sometimes met after work for a cuppa in our shop. Interesting pair, but they did a good job of illustrating to me that it's not just me who likes to simply be with (but not necessarily talking to) my s.o.

[IZ]

Sending multi-media pictures of your day is good. I send my gf pics from my phone several times a week. She gets to feel that she's involved in my life and my thoughts throughout the day. 

Long distance relationships seem pretty easy these days as opposed to the early 90's when the s/o and I were in one!  No cell phone.  Didn't have the web yet.  No multimedia pics to send daily.   No webcams.    We wrote letters to each other everyday and made a call every second day.  Our phonebills were ridiculous!!  I finally got a beeper so the s/o could send me stupid little codes.     

Agreed with talking about the future, i.e.: house, vacations, careers, goals, marriage, kids, etc. 

[Manny]

Yeah. I did that in the late 90s, before cell phones (that I could afford). We did have email, though. Lots of expensive phone bills and just never seemed satisfying. It did help the break-up, though.  I wish my last one was that easy. 

Now my gf lives about an hour away. So we talk/text/mms during the week, and see each other on the weekends.  Not ideal, but it works decent for now.

Good luck, Erk. 

btw, I would not do a time-out. If you're gonna break-up, just do it. Otherwise, find a way to work it out.

[slowpoke13]

I can't believe this hasn't been mentioned...

ANAL!

What else is needed?

Ok, not so seriously, why the hell are you two dating? What do you have in common? What hobbies do you share? What activities drew you two together? Did she put all those activities on hold when the relationship became long distance? Did you? Did she just feed off your activities and now that you're stuck in a school rut, she's got nothing to entertain her?