Your best story

[RAT900]

^^^ It looks like she is getting ready to pinch your hog with her hand cymbal.

yup going for the man package...cymbals were a little small for the task at hand though 

[Kopfjager]

yup going for the man package...cymbals were a little small for the task at hand though 

[ducpainter]

revenge....

a dish best served ice cold.

[Ddan]

One summer I got a job tending bar on booze cruise boats in Boston Harbor.  One of the oddities of the liquor license was we couldn't serve anything until the lines were cast off, so there was typically 15-20 minutes of standing behind the bar as everyone boarded and lined up at the bar being thirsty.  One evening I was chatting up a girl at the bar while we waited for the bell to start pouring.  The small talk seemed a little more friendly than just shooting the shit, so I gave her her drink on the house, hopefully planting the seed for later events.  Well, that sort of backfired; apparently I was so distracted by her I poured her a glass of sour mix instead of the white wine she ordered.  She thought it was funny...

Later on I took a break and wandered around, finding her on the upper deck where the band was. After a couple  of dances, all seemed to be going well.  The band went on break and more conversation.
She asked what I did in the winter and  I told her I was at a ski area in Maine. She said she knew someone who lived there.  I asked their name, and she responded with my fathers name.  My first thought is that rotten bastard has been here first.   I ask how she knew him, and she replies "He's my cousin".  Really, what are the chances... 

[Monsterlover]

The time I shot police HQ and they took away my potato gun:

Back in the day we built a lot of spud guns in various length barrels and sizes.  My prized gun had a threaded adapter at the chamber that would allow me to unscrew the barrel and screw on another of a different size or length.  I was also able to load multiple barrels and have them at the ready when we were "mobile."

So my friend has this pounded S-10 and one night we decide to take the potato gun on a road trip.  It's like 2 am.

Also know that this friend had a drinking problem, and he was in the early stages of it.  There is beer in the truck.  He is drinking one while we drive around.

What could go wrong?

So we make our way into suburbia and I hop into the bed.

We drive around for a half hour or so while Im shooting at random cars, mailboxes, houses and lawn figures and having a ball.

We decide to change our location (don't want to stay too long in one spot) and pull out onto a more major street (though we're the only car on the road)

I have one shot left and decide to shoot the sign of a local convenience store.

BOOOM!  I rip a spud dead on target.  The sign doesn't break, but the plastic, being long and wide (like 4x8) just wobbles in and out violently.  I am pleased.

I hop into the truck and we head to the east side to see if these 2 girls we always drank with were home.  So we could drink more and try to hit it.

Sadly they were not home.  However, the city cops pulled us over in front of their house.

They had been following us for about 25 minutes, from the west side to where we were at that point.

They light us up, I start shoving beer behind the seats (regular cab truck) and wondering just how make the beast with two backsed we were.

Apparently when I took out the sign, some old lady was on her porch.  According to the cops she thought I had a shot gun   She dropped down onto her porch, crawled into her house on her belly and called 911   The cops followed us from there.

They did not find any beer for lack of searching.  Once they saw the potato gun (hard to hide that beast at 4' long) they felt no need to search for more

They were actually pretty cool about it, and let us drive ourselves back to the station while they followed.

At the station, they make the beast with two backsing marveled at my cannon.  It's like they never saw one before   At one point one of them says, "we want you to go out back with us and show us how this works."

Me:  "you got it"

We're out back.

Them: "we all have guns.  Watch were you point that thing."

Me: "I can handle that."

I load up and shoot the building.  I actually got to shoot the precinct!

They make the beast with two backsing love it.  They turn into little kids.

One says "i have to build one of these!"

They wrap the thing up with caution tape and that's the last I saw of it.

I ended up with a $100 fine and I made my friend pay half of it

Good times.

[GAAN]

Addendum:

Do not prime potato guns with acetylene

[Betty Rage]

I just have one picture for Mother:



This should bring back some good memories.......

[SacDuc]

Its not really my story to tell, but I will say this:

slowpoke stopped here in Santa Barbara last night on his way to San Diego. I hadn't seen him since shortly before he left for his tour of Japan and South Africa. We drank a few beers on my deck and enjoyed the views. Then I took him out. Had a decent dinner at the local brew house. Drank many beers. slowpoke ogled the asian bartenders goods, much to the consternation of said bartender's flannel clad girlfriend who was building a house of cards out of coasters across the bar from us. Then went to a horrible Irish bar. It was like somewhere booze hags and boners go to die. After one beer there we went to another Irish bar. Jackpot! We can make something happen for my man in this joint. I remember striking up conversations with likely candidates for slowpoke by asking if I should punch the guy wearing red pants in the face. It needs to be emphasized that this guy was straight and wearing red pants. Red pants. No. Seriously. Red. Pants. Obviously if the answer was, "No, you should not punch the guy in the red pants" then they were right out. Buh-bye. The funniest moment of my evening was talking to a waitress who thought it was a GREAT idea that I go punch the guy in the red pants in the face. Luckily the GITRP left before she could talk me into it.

Eventually slowpoke found someone he could fall madly in love with until sunrise. I did a fantastic job of distracting her friend. But even though she knew I was married from the outset she still may have thought there was a chance for her. Um, no. You see the definition of wing man is he who distracts so as to block the cock block. That is all. Eventually I had to risk ruining slowpokes chances and be horrifically blunt with her. She wasn't getting it. But that worked well because after she texted some back up douche bag her friend must have figured: okay she's taken care of, I can leave now. So off she and slowpoke went. As for me, I made a swift exit about 10 minutes later when the friend (and defeated cock blocker) went to restroom.    The whole string of events made me glad that I am happily married.

The morning after we went to breakfast around noonish. Nice place, good food, right on the beach. I go there fairly often and recognized our waitress. slowpoke noticed she was quite fetching. Ok then, its on. I was charming and made a smooth segue so that slowpoke could mention he recent stays in Japan and Africa. I derided the idiot tourists. By the middle of the meal the waitress said, "Just so you know, I really like you guys. My name is Summer so when you come back be sure to ask to sit my section." Seriously. I'm about 90% sure I can hook that up for slowpoke when he comes back to SB.

Best. Wingman. Ever.

sac

[SacDuc]

Addendum:

Do not prime potato guns with acetylene

Well, duh. Everyone knows that acetylene is used to fill garbage bags so you can flick lit cigarette butts at them.

Ah the fond memories this thread brings back. *sigh*

sac

[SacDuc]

Acid wash? Holy make the beast with two backsing hell does word travel fast in these parts!   


sac

[GAAN]

Well, duh. Everyone knows that acetylene is used to fill garbage bags so you can flick lit cigarette butts at them.

Ah the fond memories this thread brings back. *sigh*

sac

Beach balls filled with above mentioned devil gas are equally not welcome in camp anymore

[ducpainter]

<snip>
Best. Wingman. Ever.

sac

Acid wash? Holy make the beast with two backsing hell does word travel fast in these parts!   


sac

Trust no one.

[ducatiz]

I just have one picture for Mother:



This should bring back some good memories.......

who is about to shoot the beer?  WTF?

[lethe]

Not sure it would count as my best story but since it just happened today and it's fresh in my mind, I might as well tell it. Sorry if it's dull in comparison to everyone elses's but it was pretty hair raising at the time.

My wife and I went out this morning to pick up her new fridge and dishwasher from the place which is something like 20 miles away, need to mention that this fridge ended up being enormous.

So here we are heading back on what is a fairly hilly and windy road back in my little '99 S-10. I'm taking it easy since I've got a buncha money worth of heavy crap in the back, actually doing the speed limit and all. The car in front of me jams on the brakes all of a sudden as a cute but evil baby deer just stepped out in the road. unexpectedly my foot goes right to the floor as I go to step on my brakes, pumping does nothing either so with the opposing lane clear I just blow right around the whole deal on the left with obviously both the car and the deer just thinking I'm an asshole.

So now I have a dilemma, there's quite a few places that people are likely to yank out in front of me between here and home and also a traffic light right at the bottom of the hill where route 590 T's into route 6. Wonderful! Flashers on and speed dropped down a few pegs I continue on, luckily no jackass did anything dumb or unexpected as I went on and the next worry was coming soon. Thank goodness for a torquey 4.3 and the truck being stick as coming down the hill towards before mention traffic light I was able to drop my speed pretty well. Light not being green I went into a turning lane to the right which was the opposite direction I need but at least a way I don't need to stop. Drove up the road a bit and turned into the high school parking lot. Testing the brakes out a bit in a controlled environment I quickly found I had nothing, pumping and foot to the floor there was nothing in the least. I practiced a bit with stopping without stalling while popping the truck out of gear while operating the horrible e-brake foot pedal while holding the release with my left hand.

Left the lot heading back in the direction I need to go, I poked down the road towards the traffic light I still need to pass thru with douchebags honking horns at me all the while with my currently free hand out the window flipping them off in return. Timed it right to come up to that light as it turned green with thankfully the next one which is a few hundred feet afterward being green as well, probably would run that one if I had to. Shortly afterward, came up on my road which of course I need to make a left onto and the road I'm on has a blind corner after my road which many assholes come flying around. Knocked my speed down to about 15 mph as I approached, ready to abort the attempt and just yanked across fast and up the road as thankfully noone was coming.

Now it's just go down the quiet street pull the truck into my yard, back up to my front porch and unload. Backing up consisted of keeping the truck in first, letting it roll backward with the clutch in and slip it enough to slow it down. After a mild bonk as the hitch smacked the stone patio, I was safely home.
Now did I mention the make the beast with two backsing fridge is enormous?

I had to take both the front door and the storm door off. Then also the fridge had to lose all it's packing and I had to take off all it's doors. Then it was a pregnant dog and half to tip back onto my hand truck as I weigh all of about 150 lbs and my wife is hardly an Amazon. Finally got it in and had to put everything back together.
Not an exciting story but a very stress filled one and I can add driving a truck with no brakes whatsoever with a decent load in it to my list of things I'd rather not do again. At least this addition to my list doesn't end with losing my license but then that would be a better story. Maybe I should tell that one some time.

[somegirl]

Glad you made it safely lethe.   Sounds like I've passed on my recent vehicle karma to you, sorry.