The DMF officiel "I've impaired myself” threed....

Horrible Beer Review - Camo Black Extra

Camo Black Extra comes in a predictably black 24 ounce can. This can proudly proclaims it's 12.2% alcohol content, has both "special reserve" and "ultra premium" on it, and makes claims that the taste will be "extra smooth." I don't even have to have a sip to know that's a bold-face lie.

The hops are apparently imported, for whatever that's worth, and once again the barley has been "extra malted." I have a request to the marketing geniuses who put this claim there: 1) I'm pretty sure that barley is either malted or not malted. I don't know what extra malted is, and I suspect you don't either. 2) If you're going to make wild-ass claims, just go ahead and make them crazy enough nobody will bother to check up on them. How about "Brewed in an underground second world war bunker by a senile Nazi scientist, his life extended by his own creations!" 3) Nobody gives a shit. The market you're selling to was sold on your product when they saw it was 12.2%abv.

Appearence: Orange. Almost the same orange as the old football jerseys from my hometown high school (Go Bulldogs!). I suspect the will be at least as terrible as our team.

Smell: Smells sharp and putrid, like it's in the process of rotting. Perhaps "extra malted" means "left in a trash bag out in the alley"?

Taste: I am unashamed to say I am hesitant. Perhaps even a bit fearful. However, I will summon all my manly resolve and try it. I promise I won't cry.

It is not as bad as the smell would lead you to believe. Under no circumstances should you take that to mean it's good. It is not. It is very not good. However it doesn't taste as bad as 'Stack.' The flavor is sweet (and cheap) malt, alcohol, and decaying fruit. And wherever they imported those hops from didn't have many to spare, as the hop presence can be charitably described as "minimal."

Mouthfeel: Low carbonation. The beer clings, but thankfully doesn't shellac the entire inside of your mouth like 'Tilt.'

Drinkability: Drinkable. I imagine I'll be able to finish this can. I probably won't want another.

Overall: For under two dollars you can consume almost as much alcohol as a six pack of something like PBR. And hipsters have yet to decide 'Camo' is cool, so you won't look like a huge douchebag while you're drinking it. You will, however, look like a homeless alcoholic.