Me. ..........Sorry everyone.

[badgalbetty]

Hiya,
This is the topic that I was asked not to write about due to its potentially volatile nature. Some will see this as a political thread and object to it because it does not agree with what they believe politically. Others will see this as a religious thread as it may not agree with what they believe religiosly. This is actually not about religion and not about politics. It is about me an ordinary American Citizen , a member of this community and a member of the Human Race. This is my story. The story of a human who has been lost for so long she did not know which way was up,down forwards or back........ to carry on living or to end her life. ........This is in no way meant to be a political or religious posting and if I have offended you ,the reader of this in some way then I sincerely apologise in advance for hurting your feelings or for what you believe in. I intend to make no political /religious statement with this thread.
So that I have gotten all this out of the way where do I begin?
Well lets fast forward to today, the past almost 47 years have been beyond hateful for me. Lets make it easy for you all . My Name is Erica . I am transexual. I am a girl .I used to be a boy. There .........I am out to you all.
Sorry Nate, I cannot live with this lie anymore friend, I like everyone here too much and feel that being honest with my friends is the best thing for them and myself.If you feel the need to ban me as I said I would not write this , then please go ahead. I am sorry but this whole thing has weighed very heavily on me and I am nearing the end of my rope. I hurt inside from so many things and the need to lie or pretend has to stop.
Now before some of you get upset , what I have written in the past is true. I am a veteran, I did serve,I did go to war, I have driven truck, I do ride a Ducati and yes I was married. Yes I was abused by my spouse and yes I do have kids. I have lost everything and will continue to lose everything for many more years to come until my children have grown up.I have accepted that and I live on next to nothing every month. Life is a constant struggle financially and  I am not asking nor expecting help from anyone. I have always made my own way in the world as you all have and will do whatever it takes to keep a roof over my head and at least one meal a day in my stomach.My first spouse took her own life. Yes that hurts, and I hope that no one here ever has to go thru that. I did raise my two daughters by myself with no help from anyone and yes I was good at it.I just sucked at being a man and being masculine. So there you all have it. I have outed myself to you all and you are ll probably thinking to yourselves WTF? wHY would she do that?I dont care any more who knows of my past I am not in stealth mode, Never have been never will be. I am me, Out loud and scared(Bet you thought I was gonna say Proud didnt ya!). I am off to bed as I need to hide from myself and humanity. Life sometimes is so difficult I would not wish this on anyone. ......In case you want to google it please look up Gender Dysphoria.I am not here to fool anyone, I never have wanted to,never intended to. Sorry Everyone, I am me, a human with feelings and a life that has been shattered by this. I work hard , am honest, pay my taxes ,have owned a business and had employees.I have seen much good and much bad in the world and now its time to face the fears that we all have . Its time to face myself.
If you feel the need to respond to what I have written please do so respectfully . If you feel the need to respond in a negative way because some how you are offended, please do so privately by PM. I have heard most things,been abused and insulted by people who were literally in my face some with knives ,fists bottles etc and twice in my life by those with guns, Iran 1983 for one...........
Ride safely everyone, enjoy your lives ,do no harm,and try to help those in need, whatever need they may have if you can. Your help to someone who hurts for whatever reason my be the reason they see the sun rise tomorrow.
Sorry Nate,Statler, and the rest of the Moderators, you do a fine job......... whats done is done.

Erica.

[sbrguy]

no worries.

live your life how you see fit and try to do the best you can. 

Its all that any of us can do.

[Drunken Monkey]

I'll add that you sound like I better person than I am.

I never served my country, I've never had to deal with an abusive spouse, I'm barely able to handle the whole parent thing (and I'm just getting started) and I sure as hell can't drive a big rig.

Let alone being trapped in the wrong body.

If you don't mind some advice, reach out to the folks in your area who've got experience with what you're going through. I still have a close family member around because she found the right support group to get her through her issues with being transgendered.

[brimo]

Actually there was someone else on this board or TOB who has gone  through similar things to yourself. I will try to find the thread and get back to you. In the mean time good luck to you and I'm sure you may be surprised at the support you'll get from others on this forum, we are a pretty enlightened bunch.

[Stella]

For the honesty and integrity, for serving and protecting us, for taking care of yourself:

     

[The Bacon Junkie]

Never apologize for who you are.   It's who you are.

  Just because a coupla jerks make jokes on another thread doesn't mean we're all assholes.

Dollars to donuts says they've never actually met a transgendered person, and if they knew you (as we all do now) I'm guessing they probably wouldn't have posted them. 

People make jokes when they're ignorant of the facts because it's easier than searching out the truth.  Good on ya for coming to terms with your decision to "out" yourself.  Don't think I could do that if I were in your situation.

[IZ]

No need to apologize for your life or who you are BGB.  We're all living our own f'ed up little lives when we're away from this board.  I bet if you were to admit something like this on the typical yamahondakawazuki forum though, you'd really get a flamin'.  You won't get that on the DMF.  Even though it doesn't seem like it, most of us here are older, wiser and sometimes more mature than the average crotchrocket rider.

Doesn't change my thoughts or feelings about a fellow Ducatisti.





After reading some of Pillar's tales, nothing is really that shocking anymore.

[stopintime]

I try to take in all the good little things that happens on a (semi-)daily basis.

This is one of the larger things - listening to you.

Today we celebrate your life

[Howie]

Apology not accepted.  You should not apologize for who you are. 

Since it is too early for alcoholic beverage,

and to you!

[Duck-Stew]

Big Hug from NM.

If you're ever in the area, dinners on me.

Take care, smile, enjoy the true You that You are, and be proud of your accomplishments.  You've come a long way and although your definition of success doesn't fit many peoples, doesn't make you any less successful.

Keep on keeping on, and a big +1 to the anti-apology comments above! 

Stu

[ducpainter]

Erica...don't ever be sorry.

I really don't understand why you think any of us moderators would be angry about your personal truth.

[lethe]

Again as said by others, no apologies necessary.
Don't overly concern yourself with having others approve of what you feel is the right thing to do.
You'll drive yourself nuts that way and besides as long as you aren't causing any harm to others, what business of theirs is it anyway?
Admitting that was a brave thing to do and I hope a burden of sorts is lifted from your shoulders now. It's a burden that should not have been there to begin with however as that info is nothing you owed any of us in any way.

It's all good.
You like bikes and that makes you alright!

[Turf]

Rock on wit ya bad self, think you'll find a lot of support around here

[dolci]

BGB -HUGE hugs from DC for you and never ever ever apologize for who you are.

I respect and honor you for serving our country and for standing up for the things you believe in and for having the courage to not live a lie.

[Porsche Monkey]

Huh? I always thought of you as BadGalBetty. The rest of the stuff is way to much to remember. I think I'll just think of you the same way I did last week, as another forum member.