MUST READ: Secret Ducati Service Bulletin

[NeufUnSix]

Ducati Motor SPa
Service Bulletin 106.338A - Flux Capacitor Malfunctions in L-Twin and single cylinder models
Affecting: All models 1947-present, excluding Indiana 350 and 650

There have been increasing complaints to Ducati service departments regarding a variety of mechanical and electrical issues arising without warning in Ducati motorcycles of various models and production years. After evaluating various complaints, we have determined that a program of voluntary warranty service should be performed on the flux capacitor mechanism found on all Ducati models produced since 1947 (excluding Indiana 350 and 650 models).

The flux capacitor, illustrated below, is usually located in the vicinity of the cockpit, but may also be installed in the fuel tank, above the shock mounts, or inside of the tyre tubes, depending on the year of production. A list of mounting points for various models is attached.

Symptoms of flux capacitor malfunction include loud rattling noises coming from the right hand engine case on dry-clutch equipped models, electrical malfunctions on all models, erratic neutral light function, heavy clutch pull, flaking chrome surfacing on valve rockers in desmoquattro models, crankshaft galley plug backout in pre-2001 models, uncomfortable seating position on all models excluding Multistrada and STs, and the inexplicable attraction of passers by who will make inane comments such as "Is that the new Harley/Buell?", "What's that noise?", or "Does Ferrari make them Doo-caaat-eees?".

Servicing the flux capacitor requires service tool 001.555.9910483-B, FLXCAP Tensioning and Removal Unit B. To perform the service on Indiana models without the flux capacitor, use service tool 001.554.6674632-A, 5 Pound Sledgehammer.

Begin the service by assuring the customer the service will not take more than an hour, and that you know precisely what the problem is without elaborating on what it might be. Proceed to make a work order under the heading "General Service" under category C, noting the symptoms that the customer illustrated.

Proceed by placing the bike in the back of the service bay out of sight of the customer. Take the FLXCAP tool and use it to prepare espressos for the technician(s) assigned to the service. Sit near a window or bay door and drink the espresso while observing attractive members of the opposite sex passing by. Insert comments regarding the quality of their posterior, and the likelihood that you would engage in copulation with the observed in question.

Wait at least three hours before finishing the work order. Scribble incomprehensible gibberish on the order and stain it with oil and grease for effect. When the customer returns, tell them it was more serious than expected and the service took longer than initially quoted, and take the time to remind them that the shop is not liable for differences between estimates and actual labour done. When asked what the problem was, respond flippantly by saying "oh, it happens to all of those models, it's just a loose connection in the (mutter something incomprehensible here) harness, it's working perfectly now". Before delivering the bike back to the customer have a technician rub grease on the bodywork and place fingerprints on any clear plastic items.

IF the customer continues to complain about symptoms, simply explain in a calm tone "It's a Ducati, they do that."

This document is confidential and should not be circulated outside of the service network; always place service bulletins in a secure file and above all avoid posting the information contained herein on internet chat forums where it may be misunderstood, misconstrued or modified by ignorant internet surfers. See Service Bulletin 101.665T for more information on the Internet Dickwad Theory and proper procedure for quelling unrest and inane complaints.

[Count Desmo]

 

[myfirstduc]

"After evaluating various complaints, we have determined that a program of voluntary warranty service should be performed on the flux capacitor mechanism found on all Ducati models produced since 1947 "

And I just paid good money to have my flux capacitor fixed 

Thanks for the laugh on a slow day at the office. 

[IZ]

so I'll be safe if I decide to get that Indiana I've been drooling over?! 

[Count Desmo]

so I'll be safe if I decide to get that Indiana I've been drooling over?! 

Yes, just watch out for flaking chrome on the belt covers, that can cause major problems!

[NeufUnSix]

Indiana owners should make use of service tools 106.4460093 and 106.4460094 - one gallon kerosene jug and Ducati Corse-spec Zippo lighter.

[johnster]

Baaahahaha 

Too funny... 

[ryandalling]

Very funny....

[SKOM]

Much of that sound waaayyy too familiar

...Wait at least three hours before finishing the work order. Scribble incomprehensible gibberish on the order and stain it with oil and grease for effect...

...IF the customer continues to complain about symptoms, simply explain in a calm tone "It's a Ducati, they do that."...

 

[NeufUnSix]

Appendix A:

Identifying the flux capacitor unit is straightforward. Various supplier changes and technological advancements over the last few decades mean that current flux capacitors are usually small enough to be integrated seamlessly into the wiring circuit. To locate these hidden units, look for the following symbol and follow the appropriate colour-coded wiring.

On pre-1985 models the flux capacitor was of the wound-coil static-resistance type, with a central encabulation module to regulate the flow of nofer-trunnion amperage variations. It is easily identified by the periodic release of smoke from its wiring harness on startup.

To verify the function of the pre-1985 flux capacitor, take a high amperage voltmeter and connect the sensors to the mauve and purple terminal posts of the flux capacitor. Under normal conditions, wound-coil type flux capacitors should show a nominal resistance of 1.21-1.30 jiggawatts; under 1.15 jiggawatts is considered insufficient for maintaining the operation of the system, and the unit's adjustment spline should be turned until the correct amperage is attained. A discharge of over 1.35 jiggawatts indicates a serious malfunction in the regulation of nofer-trunnions, and if you survive the voltmeter test you should immediately replace the flux capacitor.

Post-1985 models will display an error code on the dash when the flux capacitor amperage is outside of the normal range. You can identify this code by counting the number of times out of 10 the neutral light functions. 7 failures of the light per 10 cycles indicates service code 776, flux capacitor hypercharge, 8 failures per 10 cycles indicates code 777, flux capacitor radus coil undercharge.

[MendoDave]

I just changed my Flux capacitor at the 12,000 mile service just to be safe. The bike gets better Gas mileage now, The paint looks More Shiny, and the rear tire actually gained tread life.

[CairnsDuc]

Brilliant, well done to who ever came up with that! 

[Statler]

 

[roy-nexus-6]

Bravo. A work of genius. 

[BozcoRob]