my dad

[swerdna]

...

Holy shite, man. I'm speechless. Thanks for sharing. I think we can lock the thread now.

I think I need a drink.

[x136]

This a very sad thread, but...

This thread proves some children turn out fantastic in spite of bad parents.

Yeah.

To those of you who have risen above a terrible childhood/past: 

[mstevens]

My dad is a lawyer. He spent his entire career in the Air Force, in large part because in comparison with the guys he went to law school with it gave him considerably more time at home with his family. He volunteered for Viet Nam, where got a purple heart, because I was 12 and it looked as if it would never end - he didn't want to get sent a couple of years later and leave my mom with a teenager on her hands. Of course, when I was growing up I often wished he weren't around so much like my friends' dads (so I could get away with more) and I gave him a tremendous amount of crap when I was a teen.

He's always given my brother and me a present on Fathers' Day "because without you, I wouldn't be a father." I'm 46, and he's still doing it.

It just goes to show, some kids with great parents nevertheless turn out rotten.

[Bun-bun]

 

MAN! I feel for you. That is truly rough.
I can identify with you as my sister was diagnosed in Dec. 01 w/pancreatic cancer. She died on October 13, 2002. October 13 is both my parents birthday. They refuse to celebrate it anymore.

Watching the cancer eat her alive was horrible.

When she started chemo, she asked me to shave her head. She didn't want to watch it all fall out in clumps. I cried the whole time.

Stay strong, silentbob. Stay strong.

[somegirl]

There's a lot of people in this thread I'd like to send some virtual ((hugs)) to.  At least we all have our online family.

[ADG]

My father (the pilot) on his Vellocette rig in 1962, Ascot park.

[Grampa]

It's a long story. 

BIG HUG.

I'll share my stepdad with ya.

[ducpainter]

I love my dad.

We've had a few rough spots over the years...but he's gotten a lot smarter as time has passed.

I talk to him every Sunday, and I'll see him this Sunday.

[Howie]

Silentbob, you are quite a survivor, hats off to ya    

[CairnsDuc]

Another long one.

I have never spoken to my father, He kicked my Mum (Mom for our American friends) and myself out when I was 6 months old, Because his mother told him to!
She never liked my mother, she was always thinking that my mother was out to destroy my father and wreck his company (A medium sized Small engine repair business)

So she had no money, no house and a 6 month old, so she bundled the few things into her car and drove 2000km's to her parents, after about 5 years she hooked up with another guy and they lived together for a few years, She told me that she was going to marry this guy, I told her that it was wrong (At all of 9 years old!!) I didn't like him, I was ignored. (I'll never now how I knew this was wrong, I really had nothing to do with him in the overall scheme of things, I just never liked him from day 1)

Sure enough he was abusive, not Physical (A little pushing and shoving) but his Forte was mind games, twisting facts to suit him and his side of the story, we lived in a house that was partly finished, we never ate at the table, it was covered in his paperwork and bullshit so we ate on the floor, we had no front door, most rooms had no doors or windows, one bedroom and a bathroom were just filled with junk.
I grew up in that living with a Man that my mother wanted me to call dad, but I refused and I just called him by his first name (phillip), When I was 16 they had my little brother, to try and save the marriage 

When I turned 18 my Mother finally got the strength to move out, It also helped I was as big as Phillip so if he tried any shit I stood up to him.

It was then at this time my real father tried to make contact, I had left school and I was working for a small electronics retailer, he would send in my grandmother to see me (She was the one who wanted my and Mum out to start with!!) trying to convince me to meet him and patch things up.

I told her to Get Bent! and pass on to him to also Get Bent!!

I would move to a new job and within about 6 months they would find me and start trying to hook up. (Everytime I left a job I asked for my next Job info to be kept confidential, and because I left on good terms with every company I left, they followed my wishes)

Finally he got the message

Or so I thought.

After 9/11 he started again, He made up this crap about how 9/11 touched him and he wanted to make contact again, he tried to talk to my mother, she told him to get bent, but she would pass on his request.

Side note:
My Mother has always been very truthful about Jeff (My real Father) She never denied anything or kept anything from me, If he contacted her, she told me, She told me her side of the Story, Which was later confirmed by his letter (explained soon)  She always said it was my decision if I wanted to meet him and get to know him, she would support my decision, She would do it from a distance, but she would support me...

Back to the main Saga.
One day while at work this Guy walked up said hello, handed me a letter and walked off.
I read it and realized it was him (Jeff - my real father) it was a multi page letter telling me his feelings, his reasoning, his thoughts and trying to make me understand what had happened after all these years, he had sold the business, it was not going well, he had got remarried had 2 more kids and wanted to bring me back into the fold, he had also been in contact with other family members trying to get them to convince me to see him, they told him to get bent!!

He went and saw my mother and asked why no response from me, so she said she would ask me and she would let him know.

My response: I don't hate him, I don't love him, I just don't care about him (And I don't mean that in a spiteful way, It's just not an issue I worry about), He had his chance to be a part of my life 34 years ago, but chose to kick me and my mother out, I really am happy with my Lot in life, I am married to a wonderful woman and a great home life, I have my Italian Mistress sitting in the garage, I like my Job (most of the time) and I really don't want or need this level of complexity added to it, I haven't needed him for the last 34 years I have been on this planet, and I don't need him now, Just because he has regrets and inner demons to wrestle with, well frankly that's not my problem.

That was passed on and I have heard nothing since. But he'll try again

My wife doesn't know most of this stuff, because I don't think she needs to know, My only concern is when/if we have kids, how I will react to and act as a father, It scares me a little, because I have no frame of reference, I still find dealing with my Wife's father or my best friends father very awkward.
I'll figure it though... I don't feel sorry for myself and I am lucky to have a good lot in life
So I'll just keep cruising along  [moto]

Back to your regular Programming! 

[IZ]

Hmmm..this thread has turned out to be somewhat of a downer for Father's Day.      

my dad was never around after he and my mom split.

he never paid child support.

Once I learned to live in the present, and forgive the past..... I found I actually can relax and enjoy the day.

I know what that's all about BP.  That's pretty much my childhood.

It took me until I was 30 to get over it too and stop blaming my dad for not being there.  

Things are "OK" now.

This song always made me think of him when I was a kid.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zH46SmVv8SU&feature=related

[TiNi]

i love my dad too,
he's just not open to receiving it.

when my dad was 13, his father killed himself...
i wasn't given this information until i was 21...

he's never been a very open kind of guy...

[gojira]

This a very sad thread, but...

Yeah.

To those of you who have risen above a terrible childhood/past: 

x 11tyb

Silentbob: A handshake and a nod.

Best friend describes my dad. His birthday is always a few days before Father's Day.  to you. Thanks man. R.I.P.

[gojira]

I only speak to my dad (and mom) when I call (once every few months), they haven't tried to call me in over 15 years. 

I last saw them when I visited two years ago (my idea).  My dad didn't bother to let me know when he came out to Monterey (two hours drive from here) for business a few years ago.

Oh, and I don't think my dad has ever hugged me, even when I was a kid.

There's a lot of people in this thread I'd like to send some virtual ((hugs)) to.

Hug right back. 

[duqette]

I think I need to call my dad and tell him how great he is!

Big hugs to those posting here....

Here's a good dad for you all. I'm an only child, so I can share, there's plenty to go around. 

My dad turns 70 this year on July 7 (I know, how cool is that). He is a great person! He's thoughtful, caring, loving, smart as all get out (used to teach high school English), loves golf more than life itself, makes furniture as a hobby (you should see his workshop), has a goofy sense of humor, and is a fantastic grandpa to my son and his wife's two grandkids. There aren't enough good words to properly describe him.

It scares him to death that I ride, but he never tells me not to, and can't help admiring me for it....

We're throwing him a big ol' party this year for his b'day