do you have resistance to riding in your family????

[the ron]

you know, i have a lot of flaws. but one of the things i like about myself is my passion for the sport of motorcycling. all kidding aside, if you took an xray of my heart it would probably be in the shape of an L-Twin. i have been riding, with the exception of my college years,( i was living on raman noodles) i have always had some kind of moto bike. its just part of my genetic make up. and when i wasn't riding i was a real ass.  Yes i know snips, more of an ass than I am now. 
Bottom line is that i love to ride, and think about riding ,and type about riding, but my wife hates the fact that i love it so much and i am so dedicated to it. but since a recent favorite on this site has decided to hang up his helmet,  for other yet similar reasons i gets me to wonder. does anyone else out there have a significant other or other important people in their lives dislike the fact that they ride? Does the fact that they don't like it weigh on you when you ride, or when you have a close call? after my big crash on may 15 2004, i was overwhelmed with guilt. but then i gained strength through the moto comunity and all of the asses that said i told you so. as i grow older i have responsibilities, as all of do or are going to have sooner or later, but what about the responsibilty you yourself and the desire to mantain who you are?

i think to much

the ron

[m1moto]

My wife is awesome about riding. When I sold my M800, she was mad. I told her I needed the money and she promptly told me to go and get another one. Her reason "some guys fish and golf and you ride motos". Well I was at the dealer the next morning to pick up and S2R1K.  Subsequently she completed the MSF class and now rides a little 250 Ninja. I'm sure by next summer she will be ready for her own Monster.

[Howie]

One of the secrets to staying married is the understanding  and respect that both of you have your own lives as well as your life together.

[somegirl]

One of the secrets to staying married is the understanding  and respect that both of you have your own lives as well as your life together.

I think this is key to any relationship - you have to accept each other for who you are. 
You can't force someone else to change their ways and not expect resentment; people have to want to change themselves.

[707soldier]

I think this is key to any relationship - you have to accept each other for who you are. 
You can't force someone else to change their ways and not expect resentment; people have to want to change themselves.

Thanks, I've been trying to figure out myself how it works . Can I force someone to change anyway?

[mstevens]

If someone I loved really hated that I ride, I'd quit. My responsibilities to myself include being responsible to those about whom I care, and there are other things in life besides riding.

[monster monkey]

When my wife and I were dating, she was ok with me wanting to learn to ride, even saying she'd hop on. Then the "I do's" followed by "over my dead body".....
 I reminded her that I disclosed my desire to ride and if she had a problem with it she should have said so, so I could've broken up with her before we got married.
Then my anniversary gift was the MSF course, hee hee

[m0t0g0th]

my parents hated that i got my moto endorsement with my first license, but i was being practical: i wanted to ride more then our moped and two birds with one stone, practical, right?  take another test?  ugh!  my first 250 was damn near snuck in under the radar.
when i'd saved enough for a down on my first "real" bike, the 500, my dad wouldn't co-sign.  my grandfather would, he said at the resulting family meeting "She would have gotten it anyway," and that was that.  They were resistant, but not haters.  Probably because they didn't know much about it besides Hells Angels- not her, surely?
My fears have always been greater than theirs, because i learned about the risks and the ways bikers died - they wouldn't have looked that stuff up, but i did, and i've therefore always been geard-up, cautious, and assured them i was safe, sober and sane when riding.  That kind of promise and their taking me at my word has served since then to keep the peace; so many years later, family is used to it, they have a biker in the family, they don't look for reasons to judge.  Dates, husband, and boyfriend of 15 years - well.. they knew what they were getting when they got me, so their room for criticism has been limited.  Fortunately those have had few preconceptions.

I figure i'm the ambassador, meeting people, and if they believe i'm responsible we're good.  The best thing we, bikers, can do, is remind non-bikers that it's not a black and white division or insurmountable divide between us.  And on our side, remember that if they're against "it" they're worried about us; they care, and don't want us getting hurt.

[stopintime]

There is some resistance by family and friends, but it seems to have weakened after they have witnessed my excitement over the Monster.
My mom, age 77, was terrified as she always have been - but when she saw it and me all geared up on it, she smiled and just asked me to be cautious. My dad insists on following me outside to watch me get ready and wave me off, smiling to the angry neighbours - I think he is proud.

As for wives or GFs - I think it is only natural that they are concerned, but IMO that has to come second to the fact that what makes one partner happy will also benefit the other. Nagging about the other persons behaviour is not sexy.

[duc996]

My family doesn't hate me riding bikes,they just don't agree with it,but since i'm a very cautious driver and rider...they know they really can't do much,but still they would let me hear it when they see or hear in the news about any motorcylce accidents to scare me  i guess..

[ducisurg]

When I told my wife I had enrolled in the MSF course, she thought I was going through a mid life crisis. She was very resistant to the idea of me taking all of that "risk". After the first day of the MSF course, she could see the smile on my face. She slowly started to soften her resistance.

After completing the course, I took her to a Ducati dealer. They were terrific and made her feel very comfortable. She realized that there is more to riding than just "risk". Talking with the owner of the dealership, she was able to understand the passion for the machine and the camaraderie between riders.

She told me to make sure I get good safety gear and gave me her approval to buy a bike. When my 696 was delivered this week, I could see a smile on her face as I rode away because she realized how happy it made me.

[printman]

I guess I have been lucky. My family gives me great support, and knows it was something I was really into before I went broke with kids... 


When the opportunity came up to get back into riding, she seemed hesitant but supportive. We try to enjoy it as much as a family now, races, rides, meet-ups. I would only hope it gets easier to resource the time in the future as the kids become more responsible themselves.

As to being hurt while riding, I have been hurt far worse at work then my low-side. Maybe I should give up work. 

In the meantime, I also am debating selling my ride, to help me go back to school. I am trying to keep not to, but if comes to paying the house bills and eating, bye bike.

[Count Desmo]

Good thread, Ron.  I think it's healthy to discuss this in the open so you can learn other people's perspectives.

In my particular situation, the scale slowly tipped towards family over self.  That's not to say I was being selfish by riding, but there was (is) more to my circumstance than my personal wishes.  To say I love riding is an understatement.  To say I love my family more than anything in this world would not even scratch the surface of that truth.

I had a lot of great years riding motorcycles and spending time with the moto-community.  I met a group of people who represent some of the best of what society has to offer.  I took trips and had experiences that I will never forget.  I know that someday in the future, when I'm laying on my death bed, that I won't have any regrets.  I won't have the regret of never riding.  I won't regret all of the times, experiences and friends.  And I won't regret giving it up while my kids were (are) growing up.

Each of us at some point will reach a plateau in our riding careers.  Some of us will take a short break, and for others such as myself, the break will be longer.  Some will even give it up for good.  For at least 50% of the riding community it's in our blood.  The rest do it for various reasons.  Those of us who actually breathe moto-culture are very different from the others, and it's much more difficult to see beyond ourselves when riding is in the picture.  90% of the time we can (and should) satisfy that driving force that makes us ride.  The other 10% of the time we need to supress it do what it in the best interest of others.  I'm currently at the beginning of the 10%.

We must remember that this *thing* is in us and it needs to be tended to.  I'm experienced enough to know that I won't be happy if I give it up and sit around playing checkers all day.  We're truly a different breed with some kind of fire inside, and I know I'll need to replace riding with something...I just don't know what yet. 

Explaining this to non-riders is akin to explaining how water is wet.  You'll never do it in such a way that they will truly understand.

Each of us needs to do this on our own terms...whatever those terms may be.

Ride well my friends.

[stopintime]

When I told my wife I had enrolled in the MSF course, she thought I was going through a mid life crisis. She was very resistant to the idea of me taking all of that "risk". After the first day of the MSF course, she could see the smile on my face. She slowly started to soften her resistance.

After completing the course, I took her to a Ducati dealer. They were terrific and made her feel very comfortable. She realized that there is more to riding than just "risk". Talking with the owner of the dealership, she was able to understand the passion for the machine and the camaraderie between riders.

She told me to make sure I get good safety gear and gave me her approval to buy a bike. When my 696 was delivered this week, I could see a smile on her face as I rode away because she realized how happy it made me.

That actually made me all misty eyed - GREAT RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS

[chisel]

My dad flat out told me he never wanted me riding.
My mom said I could ride only if I got a Ducati.