DUCATI vs BMW the smack talk is on!

[supakpow2]

O.K.... so a friend of mine, a questionable friend, a german from germany friend, just bought a BMW 1100 something or other.   You know, one of the ones with the training wheel attachments on each side just in front of your feet. He calls them cylinders, but I usually disagree!
    Anyway, he has always talked trash about my duc (apparently a very common past time among european germans) but since getting his new bike has really stepped it up, even siding with some of our friends who ride harleys, which, even among BMW riders, should be inviolate.
    This has been compounded by the fact that I had to ride home 90 miles on a road trip we took last year in 3rd gear after a spring in my transmission broke (S2R800) and I couldn't shift anymore.  You can imagine the total disrespect there, even though I still kept up with all of their bikes, which are normally way behind me until I pull over to let them catch up.
     I can hold my own with the HD guys pretty well even though it's usually 5-6 to one  but I'm starting to run out of ammo against the germans (no predjudice or other jokes intended there) and could use a little help.
    I know that the first repsonse will be to get new friends but they're what I got! This is always in good fun but I want to add some BAMM! to it.

Let me get you started:

he says in a thick german accent ( think Arnold here): "those Italian machines are worthless, they can't even make a spring that runs right!" then laughs very smugly.

  and I reply (think smartass here): "listen fraulein, next time you ride with us you need to hire a pilot car."

....and it goes back and forth from there.

So, gimme what you got on the germans.

[CairnsDuc]

Don't Mention the War?

[Travman]

Here is some ammunition.  I don't know if any of it is true, but this is what I often hear.
1) Boring
2) Slow
3) Overweight
3) No soul
4) All the character of a sewing machine.
5) Those funky Telelever front ends have no road feel.

BMW=Big Money Waste

[slyfox]

I have a Monster & I have aBMW ..... What can I say?

[Bill in OKC]

I think that you should start focusing on clutch maintenance issues.  Hmmmm  why in the world would those BMW engineers make it so difficult to replace a clutch?  I've heard that you have to take BMWs half apart to perform clutch surgery.  Then there is that torque reaction from the transverse crank - what an awful layout for a motorcycle engine - then there is that drive-shaft thingie and the funky colors that BMW always seems to paint their bikes.  I wonder why BMW hasn't won any MotoGP or WSBK races lately?  Why is it that only old people ride BMWs?  Why are the headlights lopsided?  - 

It hasn't changed much since I worked in Germany 20 years ago.  BMWs were the best motorcycle for any issue being compared with any bike - with special distaste for Italian machines.  I had a Sportster so I took a ration of shi+ every time I rode it - a rolling target for discussing BMW superiority LOL. 

[ArguZ]

Just do a nice graffity on his beamer.
"Bayrischer Mist Wagen"  
Also point out the GS is the most fugly motorbike in the world and its BMW, right ?
I am German, I love my Ducati, I loved my Lotus and I would definitely buy an Audi before any beamer

[Big Troubled Bear]

Better watch it, they (germans) are well known for their sense of humour

[darkduke]

I did my first track night last night and there was a guy on a shiny new K1200s. My first impression was "why on earth does it have to be that big?!" Skills aside, that thing was slow. On the straight, I blew the decals off of him, and through the turns I lost him completely on my S4rs. Not impressed at all. 

Add that to your ammo box. 

[derby]

I did my first track night last night and there was a guy on a shiny new K1200s. My first impression was "why on earth does it have to be that big?!" Skills aside, that thing was slow. On the straight, I blew the decals off of him, and through the turns I lost him completely on my S4rs. Not impressed at all. 

Add that to your ammo box. 

that really comes down to rider skill. i know a guy with a k1200 and another with a r1200 that most would be hard pressed to keep keep up with in the twisties.

[TEvo]

Can't we all just get along? 

BMW Motorrad have had numerous recalls, just as Ducati and just about any other manufacturer. Machines with lots of parts sourced from a host of external suppliers will statistically do that to you...

BMW is getting into WSBK next year with their S1000RR homologation special. Aprilia returns with their new V4... and KTM is supposed to join too.



There is also rumor BMW will come out with a 675 triple supersport.

[darkduke]

that really comes down to rider skill. i know a guy with a k1200 and another with a r1200 that most would be hard pressed to keep keep up with in the twisties.

hence the "skills aside".

I just meant that I thought it was a faster machine in the straight. But I should maybe keep my trap shut as I don't know the tech specs on said machine. my appologies.

[TiAvenger]

Find two small orange flags, and a small yellow sticker that says "wide load" and affix them to his tail section.

[DRKWNG]

Better watch it, they (germans) are well known for their sense of humour

Good point.  We (here in this thread) might just wind up being responsible for Poland getting annexed again...

[DucDodgers]

From what I hear most BMWs are bullet proof. Aside from yo' mama jokes all I can think of is that BA Baracus must have been on the design team for the GS series.
I can see it now, a bunch of german engineers in a small town need to come up with a design or else! Around the corner rolls in the A-team doing a smoky burn out in their van. Out jumps BA, Murdoch and the gang. They rip apart a school bus, tractor and an old motocrosser and weld everything together in the back of the van.
They let out a few rounds from their Rugers for good measure, Murdoch says, "I love it when a bike comes together". BA gets druged and put on a cargo plane and the team heads back to the states just as Col. Lynch rolls into town a minute too late to catch'em.
But wait where's Face, oh he missed the plane, he was in bed with the pretty blonde engineer who called the A-team. Oh, Face you dog you!

[DRKWNG]

No no no!!  It was Hannibal that said that.  Murdoch was the "howlin' mad" pilot.