Childless by choice...

[sugarcrook]

A little over a year ago, the New York mag ran a story called "All Joy and No Fun," describing why parents hate parenting.  It's an interesting article and may provide another perspective to this discussion:
http://nymag.com/news/features/67024/

Personally, I have no desire to reproduce and don't understand those that do. 

[Rev. Millertime]

Proud member of the "CBC" club... had 2 relationships end because they decided they wanted kids, knowing full well that I had no intentions of bringing a mini-me into this world.

Funny thing is, all my friends that have had kids still include me in everything.  I'm always being invited to birthday parties, family gatherings... and now graduations (ugh).  

I am known as Uncle Wade, and have at least 50 nieces and nephews (only two are truly related).

I love "rent-a-kids" I can have all the fun in the world with them... and when the shit hits the fan, it's the best form of birth control in the world!

I too have heard the selfish label, not from my parents or any family, but from friends of friends.   I love when they bring up the "who is going to take care of you when you are older" line.    My typical response is:  Who is more selfish, me for not wanting kids, or you promoting procreation for the purpose of having a support system in place when you revert to shitting your pants again?

Call me an asshole, call me selfish... I am going to try again this winter to get a vasectomy.  Tried 10 years ago at 26, doctor refused.  Tried 5 years ago and my insurance said no.   Now, I've got a nice HSA thru work that will cover the "snip" and a cool ass "CBC" doctor who is going Ducati shopping in the spring!  

[il d00d]

I think you've  misunderstood a lot of my rant.



1/ I don't feel it is fair, and take offense to, people with children who feel the need to pressure childless couples to have children. Hearing insults such as "you're selfish" and pressure tactics by family members such as "You'll die alone" are maddening...

2/ The fact freinds do not include us in group family activities isn't a big deal at all... Most of the activities aren't really that intersting to me anyway.  When family members do not include us in activities it is pretty hurtful.

3/ The fact that every group dicussion (as proved in the first couple of pages) leads to discussion of children is kind of frustrating. Do you really want to hear childless couples talk about their lavish vacations and new posessions for an entire evening.

4/ The fact that siblings play the "kid card" to opt out on taking care of aging family members pisses me off to no end. According to my siblings I must have an endless bank account and can afford to take care of my mother without their help.

5/ The fact that mommies seem to shun childless women (as mentioned in my first post about my girlfriend and motocross) is bullshit. Perhaps we tend to surround ourselves with bad examples.

I don't think I have.  And I will suggest for the second time in this thread that we are talking about things you don't want to talk about and that seems to be an issue...

Points:
1. I don't really understand the full court press - suffice it to say, these are not good people.   I say this as a parent that socializes with other parents - assholes with kids are still assholes, irrespective of your parental status.  You get no passes from assholes with kids once you have kids is what I saying.
2. "Most of the activities aren't really that intersting to me anyway"  I laughed out loud when I read this.  I am not trying to condescend, but it suggests it is more about your social life, and less about inclusion, dovetailing into your friends' new life.  But why do you feel it is different with family than with friends?
3. You started a thread about not having kids.  If you start a topic called "coins:  don't tails rule?" don't think to harshly of anyone who opines "tails are OK, but I always call heads". If you want a better sample of threads that may or may not digress into kid talk, refer to any other thread started in this subject or any other other.  
4. I won't pretend to know anything about your family dynamic, but would it make you feel any better if your siblings were just financially irresponsible?  I feel again that there is subtext here and like the other examples you have provided, I don't see how your decision to not have children is the singular issue.
5.  I have no idea on this one.  The female friendship is a totally ineffable thing to me.

[RAT900]

some are damned if they do have them,

some are damned if they don't

as a parent I can say...

the odds of ducking damnation are probably a lot better

by not having them 

[ducpainter]

Don't make me stop this car.

[Speedbag]

Don't make me stop this car.

I'm on my side of the seat!!!!!

[ungeheuer]

If you start a topic called "coins:  don't tails rule?" don't think to harshly of anyone who opines "tails are OK, but I always call heads".

Tails are OK, but I always call heads. 

Our $2 coin has heads on both sides  .



Tails who make the beast with two backsin' needs 'em 

But I digress.

Don't make me stop this car.

Are we there yet?

[ducatiz]

Tails who make the beast with two backsin' needs 'em 

but what if you're an assman?

[ungeheuer]

but what if you're an assman?

Um.... doing it that way you're certain to remain childless. 

Right back on topic  .

[ducatiz]

Um.... doing it that way you're certain to remain childless. 

Right back on topic  .

who said anything about doing anything? 

the VIEW my friend, the VIEW

[KnightofNi]

I have no desire to have kids, and no desire to be married.

the ex and i were together for 6.5 years. she feels the same way as i do.
as our friends started getting married and not hanging out as much we started getting hit with questions about when we were going to join the cult (it really was like being recruited)
they started buying houses and they wondered why we prefered to rent. Their houses are 30 miles away from work and there is nothing to do out there unless you are married and have kids.
as they started having kids they had another thing to hammer us with and make us feel uncomfortable about.
They eventually got the hint when we would simply walk away from the conversation as they started throwing jabs out. I see some of the married w/ kids group more often than others. They don't go out as often as they are happy to be where they are and doing what they are doing. I can always make new friends who actually have the time and desire to hang out.

my family never really bothered me with it. then again, i don't see my family often
her mother on the other hand was relentless and tbh is a part of why we broke up. eventually she got over the marriage thing, but she wanted us to have a kid so she could have a grandkid to play with and spoil. This was in direct opposition to our stated mission of never bringing a child into the world when we weren't ready to be responsible in any way shape or form.

I like the rev's idea of getting snipped. 
rule#1 is no babies

[ducatiz]

Once the educated and interesting people stop reproducing....

[Buckethead]

The main reason I see for having kids (if you are educated and well off is exemplified here:)

Once the educated and interesting people stop reproducing....

Much as I love Mike Judge's, uh, "subtle" social commentary, repeated viewings are still not gonna convince me that I need to save the human race. 

[desmopr]

Some humans really suck.  Like the saying goes "to each their own".  I loose respect for family and friends that continually criticize their "loved ones" actions/decisions and don't deal with their own issues.  We all have issues, there's nothing wrong with that.  People that try to control others (passively or verbally) really disgust me.  If you chose not to have kids, that's your choice and everyone should respect that.  What's selfish to them may not be selfish to you and the other way around. 

I have a 9y/o son a 1y/o daughter; I can't see my life without them.  Both my wife and I have had to "sacrifice" a lot for them.  They take a lot of work and dedication; but like others have mentioned, the memories of the times with them as well as raising up better humans beings that you are imo outweighs all that we have put aside to raise them.  I personally think that, mostly on the feminine side, the urge to bear children is like an instinct that will come sooner or later.  If you think about it, it's what has kept our species in this planet for a long time.  I've seen plenty of long relationships broken because it comes a time that the wife/so is reaching mid 30s and all of sudden wants to have a kid even though they got together agreeing they will never have kids.  Each of us makes choices and others may think they're not the right one.  make the beast with two backs them, live your life and put them aside if it really bother you, but don't play their game by doing the same thing they do.  Live and let live! 

[ab]

Recently, a former co-worker said to me that single people must be living a useless life.  They just go home and watch tv and that's it.  I was like dude, I am single and your view of single people life is nuts and insulting.  

I am approaching forty in couple of years from now and have never married and am single.  The single part is ok as I am used to it.  Would I rather not be single, ofcourse yes.  But kids, I think that boat has sailed past me.  I don't think I have energy or the financial means to create a good life for a kid at my age now.  I just don't think it will be fair.  All i see in the future, is more hardship in this world trying to make ends meet in this so called global economy with so much out-sourcing etc.  Get older, life gets harder and harder both health-wise and financially.  I always remember what someone said to me five years ago when I expressed this very same opinion.  He said, I am letting corporations and economy dictate my life and let them win.  I am starting to believe that he was right  unfortunately.  When I was in college, I had it all planned out.  At 25 I was gonna get married and have kids.  Well, none of it worked out.  I incremented it to 30.  And so on.  I think after losing the girl i loved at 27 to heart problems after being on and off for 5 years in a complicated relationship, something in me changed and now I am the still single living in an apartment.   I would have married her and lived a different life than i am living now but it was not meant to be (may she RIP).  Few other relationships I had after that could have worked, but I sabotaged it or just bailed afraid of losing my independance and just not being ready.  I want to buy a house and am in a position to buy a small house and settle, but still can't make that move and still live almost out of suit cases as if in college.  Not exactly marriage material I guess.

As for what people say about having kids because they will take care of them in old age.  BS !  They have thier own lives.  They  will visit you only on  the holidays.  Good luck :-) I mean that is just total non-sense reason to procreate for this reason.  

I can't hang with most of my friends as they are married now.  They don't get me anymore and I don't either.  Pool of friends is dwindling and I am now the wierdo in their eyes.  LOL  Hey I just keep on living and trying to survive....

Oh, all the married people around me seem to think I have tons of cash.  Having two bikes, they think I am so loaded.  I wish that were true.  They don't seem to get that I have to constantly save a lot on one income cause when rainy day comes, I have nobody except me to lift me up.  No secondary income to cushion me from the wifie or anyone for that matter.

In short -
Would I have liked to have kids ?   Yes.  Would have been cool to see lil me and try to mold him/her.  But alas, it did not happen.
Is single life a curse ?  Nah, it's cool if you can learn to live with yourself. Got it's ups and downs.
Do people think you are weird ?  Yes, especially as 40 is coming up, I am getting a lot of comments about why.  One co-worker lady even said, it's best if I start saying "I am divorced" .. Darn!  Has it come to that ?

Oh well, I will stop.  Interesting topic.  I will have to read all the posts...