My wife has a HIGHLY upgraded 07 xl883(Zippers Performance used it as a test bike for engine and tranny kits) and I've ridded a few other evo XLs. The Xls all handle like crap in my opinion. I'd rather carve corners in the mountains with my shovelhead FLH touring bike than any post 1998 XL. The sportster CAN be a comfy touring bike(after new bars, seat, luggage and upgrade suspension), but the FXR was even better. XL 883 about 550-620 LBS, FXR 1450 620-650 lbs and a frame as rigid as a modern sport bike.
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In order to get any modern XL, FX, or FL to meet the standards of any other manufacture in handling and braking you'll spend at least $2K.
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I can't think of anything the XL series does well that I couldn't do a bike $2K less and 200lbs lighter.
...yes, I kinda have a chip on my shoulder with the MOCO...I loved the FXR.
Yeah, you do have a chip on your shoulder and it's coloring your judgment.
Yes the FX/FXR was a great handling bike, but the stock 1200cc FX or 1340 FXR weren't exactly powerhouses, and as you point out they didn't weigh any less. Not to mention the suspension and brakes Harley used two plus decades ago weren't exactly state of the art either.
The current XLs are generally a tad portly and low, though perhaps you should try and XL1200R or XR1200/XR1200X and you may see a bit of a difference.
The late-model 1200 XLs are using heads derived from the Buell Thunderstorms, and hotter cams than your wife's 883 (when stock).
Hell, I'd argue that our current XL is the practical heir to the FX/FXR throne, at almost the same weight, slightly shorter wheelbase, more power, and better brakes.
If yours is so heavily modified it should now be pushing 100 hp. Why you wouldn't upgrade the suspension and brakes at that point I don't know, but it's easily done, and for much less than $2k.
A set of Progressive shocks in the rear (13.5" or so) for $200-300, a set of longer fork dampers ($80) and perhaps Ricors ($200) and a better caliper (perhaps a 4-pot off a BT or a PM, maybe $200-400) and you're there for less than a grand.
No, it's still no Ducati, but that's not the point of it is it?
Though my wife loves her Duc, there's no WAY I'm doing 400+ mile days on it. In contrast that's EASY to do on our XL, or Buell, or Guzzi.