Darwin award

[somegirl]

 http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2008-13.html

(13 January 2008, Florida) A 37-year-old man was killed trying to cross the Manasota Key drawbridge on his motorcycle. Wearing only swim trunks and sneakers, the man was seen racing at high speed towards the gap as the bridge began to open.

Bridge designers had anticipated such lunacy and invented the crossing guard. The closing gates swept him off his Suzuki and over the side of the bridge, into the water and out of the gene pool. By a twist of fate, the motorcycle continued up the ramp and made it across to the other side!

[Xiphias]

I'm surprised that person was on the planet for 37 years.

[He Man]

that doenst warrant a darwin. not even an honorable mention.

[Popeye the Sailor]

So....I shouldn't do that?

[BWClark]

So in anticipating this stunt, they installed the very thing that may have killed him....

It sounds like he might have made it. I'm sure he'd be hamburger on the other side, but he probably would have made it.

[Magnus]

that doenst warrant a darwin. not even an honorable mention.

no?  aren't darwin awards for those who off themselves in an idiotic manner?  this one is good:

(January 2008, Pennsylvania) A 23-year-old man with various body piercings wondered what it would feel like to connect his workplace test equipment to his chest piercings. Several co-workers tried to convince him that it was a bad idea to wire himself up to the electronic control tester, but he ignored their pleas.

He proceeded to connect two alligator clips to his piercings and hit the test button...

When the police and rescue personnel arrived, his co-workers were stiill trying to revive him with CPR and rescue breathing. They were not successful.

[derby]

no?  aren't darwin awards for those who off themselves in an idiotic manner?  this one is good:

more specifically, removing oneself from the gene pool. some time ago there was an award recipient that survived his stupidity, but rendered himself impotent.

[krolik]

more specifically, removing oneself from the gene pool. some time ago there was an award recipient that survived his stupidity, but rendered himself impotent.

Would that be the infamous "ball washer" incident?

[Pakhan]

I could see the argument that this guy doesn't deserve recognition just because most of the others are so bizarre.

My favorite one to date is the guy who wanted to make fireworks for his kids.  He decided to use the gunpowder from a grenade and thought the best way to open the grenade was with a chainsaw. 

[Magnus]

Would that be the infamous "ball washer" incident?

oh boy, is that for real? 

[krolik]

oh boy, is that for real? 

I always thought it was true, but I found out it's not.

[lucazuma]

So....I shouldn't do that?

nooo....i think you should instead....dont let these guys trick you! 


....and dont forget to take pictures 

[He Man]

The Darwin award is given to an amazing feat of stupidity that results in death.

Jumping a bridge and hitting your head on a post isnt amazing. the guy thought he could of made it, and didnt. If that thing wasnt there, he would of defintely made it.

This is a rightful darwin award.

(I was the MD who took care of the following, and can attest that it is true, you cannot make this up, I cannot give the town or state due to the new Federal Privacy Laws, and risk to my career. By the way, I do have lots more as my 30 year career in Emergency Medicine saw a lot of Darwin candidates).

Three hale and hearty young men, just finished their basic training and had a few days leave prior to moving on to their respective training sites. As luck would have it, one of the private's Grandmother lived in the same town as the basic training base.

The three privates descended upon Grandmother, who refilled them with lots of home cooking. Unfortunately, Grandmother had a swing job to make ends meet, which left the three privates alone late into the night.

Grandmother had three children (one was the father of a private, naturally). As each child was born, Grandmother planted a pine tree in her front yard. In the fifty plus years since the last tree was planted, the pine trees grew considerably. The trees were in a line, and the middle tree now blocked the view from Grandmother's living room window.

To repay Grandmother for her kindness, the privates decided they would cut down the middle pine tree, thus letting in the sun and the view into Grandmother's living room.

At least a case of beer went into the planning. To keep the 50 foot tall pine tree from falling and crushing Grandmother's house, the privates reasoned that they would place a rope at the top of the tree and pull it away from the house as the tree was being cut down.

The middle pine tree was planted slightly closer to the house than one of the end trees. The privates reasoned that they would climb up one of the end trees, and run a rope through that trees upper branches, then throw the rope to a private who had climbed the middle pine tree. On the middle pine tree, the rope would be tied to the top of the tree. By pulling on the rope from the ground, the privates were pulling the top of the middle pine tree away from Grandmother's house. The privates were also out of the direction of the path the falling tree would take.

Now climbing a pine tree is a very sappy event. And, lots of scrapes and gouges occur due to the natural roughness of a pine. But, the hale and hearty privates performed the event and had the middle pine tree lassoed and levered by the rope running through the end pine tree.

Two privates then situated themselves on the ground, each pulling and straining to pull the pine tree away from Grandmothers house. The third private started his 20 hp chainsaw, and started to cut.

You guessed it, the tree actually fell away from Grandmother's house. However, the privates pulling on the rope had wrapped the rope around their waists, not thinking that the falling pine tree weighed several tons, with the rope levered through the top of the end pine tree.

As the middle pine tree fell, both privates were ripped off their feet and smashed through the branches of the end pine tree.

At the height of their acceleration, the privates broke through the last top branches of the tree and were airborne, then were jerked toward the earth when the middle tree hit the ground. The privates entered into Darwin history either on the way up, through the branches of the end pine tree, or the way down when they hit the cold, hard ground. It didn't matter. There was nothing anyone could do, or say. The event spoke for itself.

Marine privates would of never done that. they woul of just let it slam into the house. these must have been Army privates.

[derby]

The Darwin award is given to an amazing feat of stupidity that results in death.

...or, as i pointed out earlier, sterility:

http://www.darwinawards.com/rules/rules1.html

The candidate must remove herself from the gene pool.

The prime tenet of the Darwin Awards is that we are celebrating the self-removal of incompetent genetic material from the human race. Therefore, the potential winner must be deceased, or at least incapable of reproducing. The traditional method is death. However, an occasional rebel opts for sterilization, which allows her more time to enjoy the dubious notoriety of winning a Darwin Award.

[mossimo]

Dont forget the guy that found putting his sack on the buffing belt at the machine shop during his lunch break was a great way to get off.  Obvously it eventually turned bad, feeling embarrased he grabbed the staple gun off the table and sewed it all back up (no morphine for me, I got stupidity!).  A week later it became grossly infected and he was forced to go to the doctor.  Although not dead he will no longer be putting more darwins into this world.

The full story was frickin hilarious, I think it was in the 2003 version... Good times