Okay, so I need some help.
I really want to buy a bike and my wife is dead set against it. Before anyone gets on my case about who wears the pants, the answer is she does, come on, who are we kidding? She is my wife and mother to my triplets, I am just cheap labor.
Anyway, her biggest concern is safety and buying a big insurance policy isn't enough as she still wants me around for the long term for some reason [laugh].
I am hoping someone has been in my position before and can help me out. I'll try anything, almost. I started trying bribes, but not sure that is working...
I am no expert, but the consensus I gather is - it is not worth wrecking a relationship over a bike, and it will happen if she feels that strong about. Did you know this before triplets and marriage?
mitt
Hm, I made sure to buy a bike before getting married. That way its Grandfathered in. When my twins were born, my wife got me a 2 million dollar policy........now I feel like a marked man. That or she will buy me a turbocharged, nitrous injected Hayabusa for Christmas.
Might have to taper her in to the biking concept.....something around 50cc's that she too can have a little fun on. Then gradually work up from there. Im guessing you'll be on a 600 within 10 years. [evil]
Yeah, this is not going to to be a relationship buster. If the bike can't happen that is fine, I would just like a toy.
I was cool not having one before the kids, but that was because I had a brand new Corvette, which had to be sold. I can't afford a fun car for a long time, so I figured a bike could scratch that itch while being a fraction of the cost. I am not looking to break any land speed records, just enjoy the open road a little without being in a mini van or cross over...
Jeep JK
Don't know if I can really help or not. My wife and I were both previously married and then divorced before we hooked up. She has one kiddo who is 13, I have none. I'm older and have been riding for 45 years and she is 40 years old. I hold that trump card! I've been riding longer than she has been alive and most of my bikes were bought long before she was married to me.
I bought her a helmet, jacket and gloves and we rode 2 up on my Hayabusa for some very gentle rides in the neighborhood and to local dining spots. She even allowed me to do the same with her son. I got him a child sized HJC full face helmet. He loved the rides! Everything was fine until I crushed 4 vertebrae in my neck and almost died due to a wild turkey attack on a ride! This story lives on in other threads... I won't bore you with it here. That little incident took me back to ground zero. Even though I had nothing to do with the accident (it was a freak of nature kind of thing) she was hard set about never riding pillion again. So was her son! He even told me in the hospital that yes, he wanted a dirt bike but since my "accident" he now didn't ever want to ride on a scooter again! I told him that would make his Mom very happy. [bang]
Some folks (women and men) just don't get motorcycles. They never will. My wife doesn't get guns either. Her son does and I love teaching him about shooting and safe gun handling. For being 13 he's very knowledgeable and very safe. But that seems to be way different to his Mom. She draws a huge line between motorcycle riding and gun handling. Even though both are dangerous to her.
I wish you luck on getting your spouse to let you buy a bike. Sometimes it's a hard sell. Especially if there has been a devastating accident in the past like mine. Sometimes even a friend's accident or one she sees on the news can shoot down your plan. Yes, I still ride and I told her I would from my hospital bed. She didn't like hearing it but she knew it was the truth. [thumbsup] [moto]
Good luck, I hope you win her over! [thumbsup]
yeah, get a cheap ass little scooter. Maybe she won't argue about that. Trade it in for one of those scooter's that's almost a motorcycle after a while, etc.
Quote from: fastwin on March 08, 2010, 07:14:24 PM
Everything was fine until I crushed 4 vertebrae in my neck and almost died due to a wild turkey attack on a ride!
Last time I had a Wild Turkey attack I fell down a flight of stairs and woke up next to a girl that looked like Bigfoot.
I can't even
imagine trying to ride that night!
:P
Quote from: Rameses on March 09, 2010, 05:23:13 AM
Last time I had a Wild Turkey attack I fell down a flight of stairs and woke up next to a girl that looked like Bigfoot.
I can't even imagine trying to ride that night!
:P
[laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh]
Not sure I have ever told how my wife and I met, but we met through a mutual friend in Atlanta. I was living in Ohio, the now wife was living in Florida.
Anyway.......one of the first things brought up was me owning a motorcycle (never talked about brand/model).
So she is like "I am saving for one right now, here is a picture........"
It was a Dark 620 Monster.
the rest is history.
she rides. I ride. We both ride. No issues there.
tell her you inherited one????? :o
Track bike.... scratches the itch... and the track is the safest place in the world to ride.... you have a crew ready to grab you if you do wreck... the bikes are all going the same direction... no gravel in the corners... no side roads or mailboxes... and no tickets if you are speeding.
Plus a fully prepped track bike is pretty cheap if you don't mind branded titles or older bikes. ;D
Oh... and you most insurances don't cover track bikes... so you don't need to worry about that cost. [laugh]
Quote from: Rameses on March 09, 2010, 05:23:13 AM
Last time I had a Wild Turkey attack I fell down a flight of stairs and woke up next to a girl that looked like Bigfoot.
I can't even imagine trying to ride that night!
That's funny as shit!! [laugh] Wish my story was as funny. [bang]
Cyrus... clone your wife and have her talk with Last Canadian Exit's wife!!!
I'm assuming you're just getting started (my apologies if that's wrong) -- if so, a great first step toward making you a safer rider and convincing her you're committed to being safe would be to take the Motorcycle Safety Foundation Basic Rider course. It's not the same commitment of time or money as buying a bike (the class provides the motorcycles for practice sessions) but it will get you some basic knowledge and maybe, just maybe, start to take some of the unnamed dread out of her side of the equation. Instead of an amorphous "motorcycles are too dangerous," you can talk about what the real dangers are and the steps a rider can take to minimize those dangers.
Most important, if it's something you really want, talk with her about what -- specifically -- is frightening to her, and don't let her get away with glib answers. Specific concerns you can address, vague, undefined fears you can't.
And for your part, don't pretend it's not dangerous, because it can be. But so's most anything worth doing, including raising triplets. She wants you alive, and thats to her credit, but she should also want you to live, not just arbitrarily keep your heart beating for as long as possible.
Get a track bike...and/or a dirt bike. [thumbsup]
What do they say " Its easier to ask for forgiveness than permission"
Just buy one!
Just lay it out honestly.
Explain that you don't really want a motorcycle, but your girlfriend hates them, and it seems the easiest way to get rid of her. Promise to sell it as soon as the g/f breaks it off.
Let us know how it works. ;D
Quote from: ryandalling on March 09, 2010, 05:45:11 AM
Track bike.... scratches the itch... and the track is the safest place in the world to ride.... you have a crew ready to grab you if you do wreck... the bikes are all going the same direction... no gravel in the corners... no side roads or mailboxes... and no tickets if you are speeding.
Plus a fully prepped track bike is pretty cheap if you don't mind branded titles or older bikes. ;D
Oh... and you most insurances don't cover track bikes... so you don't need to worry about that cost. [laugh]
+1
My wife was also apprehensive at first. I had to promise to only use it for riding in the mountains and my very short commute to work. That worked fine until I moved back down to Florida, the land of freeways. She's worried about me riding around with the nuts, so I've been using the Monster more as a track bike. She feels much better about it now.
Quote from: ryandalling on March 09, 2010, 05:45:11 AM
Track bike.... scratches the itch... and the track is the safest place in the world to ride.... you have a crew ready to grab you if you do wreck... the bikes are all going the same direction... no gravel in the corners... no side roads or mailboxes... and no tickets if you are speeding.
Not sure that is a good selling point..........
A guy in Desmohio got a brain aneurysm which he sustained from a crash at Mid Ohio. (he survived btw)
But I agree.......it is slightly safer than the street as you don't have 4,000lbs hunks of plastic and steel trying to kill you.
Quote from: fastwin on March 09, 2010, 06:13:34 AM
Cyrus... clone your wife and have her talk with Last Canadian Exit's wife!!!
[laugh] [laugh] [laugh]
We don't have or want kids, so not sure the clone would work out too well.........
Quote from: cyrus buelton on March 09, 2010, 06:57:40 AM
But I agree.......it is slightly safer than the street as you don't have 4,000lbs hunks of plastic and steel trying to kill you.
Or deer.
I'm not having any luck convincing the wife unit that I need a third bike
at all. I think the deer incident last year pretty much killed all possibility. Probably lucky to keep the ones I have.
:P
To the OP, good luck.
"Baby, I'm just storing it for a friend......just for a little while."
Thanks to everyone for the great advice. I don't have a commute to work as I work from home or drive my car to the airport, so it is literally for a just going out for a pleasure cruise. I have not need to be doing steady freeway driving either, which is good.
Unfortunately I had one friend killed riding his bike, completely freak accident, but nonetheless it is a big point.
I think I have a small in as her best friend's husband just bought a bike, so I am trying to exploit that. The cost of the bike plus insurance, plus a million dollar + life policy is a much cheaper than most hobbies too. That would be a few rounds of golf a month!
Quote from: Last Canadian Exit on March 09, 2010, 08:23:25 AM
Unfortunately I had one friend killed riding his bike, completely freak accident, but nonetheless it is a big point.
To be blunt, if I stopped doing anything that a friend had died while doing, I wouldn't have much left I could do.
Try it for a week, then go buy a bike.
Quote from: Speedbag on March 09, 2010, 07:47:16 AM
Or deer.
I'm not having any luck convincing the wife unit that I need a third bike at all. I think the deer incident last year pretty much killed all possibility. Probably lucky to keep the ones I have.
:P
To the OP, good luck.
Good call on the deer. There is a section about a mile from my house that I refuse to ride in during dusk hours. You can look out in this field and see no less than 30 deer. No joke. It also happens to be someone's backyard. Tons of deer in my community. Hell, they walk by my back window all the time.
My wife wants a third bike.............guess I hit the golden ticket or got lucky (Carlos will make some comment about how she is better than me, I shouldn't have gotten her, etc etc).
Most would probably agree, though.
Deer are to me as squirrels are to Howie.
They all must die.
Quote from: MrIncredible on March 09, 2010, 08:35:58 AM
To be blunt, if I stopped doing anything that a friend had died while doing, I wouldn't have much left I could do.
Try it for a week, then go buy a bike.
I absolutely agree. I also know that my father and his brother and friends have ridden bikes for years. It is not to say it is not dangerous, but the fact that I know that and admit that up front is a big step. I want to take the safet program and ride within my skills, etc. I am 31 yrs old with a family, the last thing I want to do is be stupid, but it is convincing her of that! HAHA!
Quote from: Last Canadian Exit on March 09, 2010, 10:09:25 AM
... the last thing I want to do is be stupid, but it is convincing her of that! HAHA!
See there's your problem right there -- she already knows you...
;D
Quote from: triangleforge on March 09, 2010, 11:22:57 AM
See there's your problem right there -- she already knows you...
;D
All too well...
Screw it, we all could die from falling space debris tomorrow while mowing the lawn. I've got a $100 bet that I'm gonna die in my truck driving to Home Depot for a light bulb because some dumb ass teenager ran a red light while texting! >:( Not that I am not concerned about injury or accident while riding it's just that I don't dwell on it. I'm just real damn alert every time I go to Home Depot!! [laugh] My wife doesn't get the whole "I'm pre-disastered" thing after surviving the murderous turkey attack. Then again sometimes I think she lacks the humor gene. ;D
I got lucky. My wifes Dad really wanted to give me his sportster, which i didn't want. One day he just parked it in the garage and i told her it was mine now.
She took one look at it and said, can't you get that Monster instead its so much better looking.
Turns out she is ok with ridiing and has good taste in bikes.
I laid out the options for mid-life (38) crisis: (i) affair; (ii) Ferrari; (iii) Ducati. Couldn't afford the Ferrari...
My wife's biggest complaint was $$$$. So, I worked overtime for a couple of months. Issue gone.
I met my wife at a motorcycle gathering ;D
I'm one of the lucky ones. When we started dating she would ride on the back of my brand new 1981 Suzuki RM125. She must have liked it cause she's been riding on back for 25 years now. On our last trip through the Arkansas hills we pull over for a rest,and she says "how fast were you going?" I say "somewhere around 110" All she says is "cool". I pretty sure she's nuts ;D
I think the key for you is to proof to her that you will take extended steps to minimize the risk. Yes, it is more dangerous than driving a car. But you can demonstrate to her that you can do it safer. I think someone has brought up riding courses. Take the beginner course (if you are new to riding) and then the intermediate course. Show her that you are capable of riding properly and safely. Protect yourself with all the gears and wear it all the time. Whether it's a long ride or a 2 minute ride to the grocery store.
And don't go out and bike the biggest bike you see. Maybe start with a small used 250 cruiser. Let her see how responsible you are on it. Ride it for a season, get everybody comfortable, and then trade up.
My 2 cents. Good luck!
......enjoy your minivan......
[evil]
LCE, not to be too morbid, but check out disability policies as well when you check out life insurance. That might further help allay the wife's concerns. Of course, here's hoping you never need either the life or disability policy [beer]
Mr. I and CB, y'all are some lucky bastids [thumbsup]
Quote from: ryandalling on March 09, 2010, 05:45:11 AM
Track bike.... scratches the itch... and the track is the safest place in the world to ride.... you have a crew ready to grab you if you do wreck... the bikes are all going the same direction... no gravel in the corners... no side roads or mailboxes... and no tickets if you are speeding.
Plus a fully prepped track bike is pretty cheap if you don't mind branded titles or older bikes. ;D
Oh... and you most insurances don't cover track bikes... so you don't need to worry about that cost. [laugh]
Sounds like the lyrics to big rock candy mountain
Well she no longer yells at me or gives me dirty looks when I mentio a bike, maybe a good sign?
I also pointed out that both Handy Manny and Special Agent Oso have motorcycles. If they characters my 1 year olds watch can have bikes, shouldn't I be able to? [beer]
It took me a while too. Everytime I got close to getting one some squid would die or get into an accident around the corner from me and I would find the newspaper article on the counter. Just keep at it. Sounds like your making some progress. Good luck.
I already had the bike when I got married (I've since upgraded) and she liked to ride.....but she also saw how I am safe about it. Took safety class....and whenever we see a motorcyclist doing something dumb-I make sure to point out what they are doing wrong, and why it's risky. This shows my wife that I'm constantly thinking about riding safely.
One of the conditions of me getting another bike was
1) making sure we could afford it (take my lunch to work instead of eating out-which saves my insurance money every month).
2) promising to ALWAYS wear my helmet.
Oh yeah, don't try and force her to let you get one, but maybe if you take the proper steps and she knows how bad you want one, she'll finally discuss it in a reasonable manner.
I have added a very big gun to my case.
Her mother!
While she is not crazy about the idea, her husband did have one, and she is up for at least convicing my wife to let me get my permit and take the safety classes. That way I can show her I am for real.
This is a huge step in my favor. Let's see how this plays out!
Sounds promising! :)
Do some reading, specifically things like The Hurt Report (http://www.clarity.net/~adam/hurt-report.html).
Look at the results. Which groups were overrepresented?
What can you do to take yourself out of any of those groups?
Everything we do carries a certain amount of risk. Identifying those risks is the first step in avoiding them.
Quote from: Last Canadian Exit on March 10, 2010, 06:07:15 AM
Well she no longer yells at me or gives me dirty looks when I mentio a bike, maybe a good sign?
I also pointed out that both Handy Manny and Special Agent Oso have motorcycles. If they characters my 1 year olds watch can have bikes, shouldn't I be able to? [beer]
Manny has a moto? :o :o :o :o
Where do the tools sit?
Quote from: Obsessed? on March 10, 2010, 03:26:29 PM
Do some reading, specifically things like The Hurt Report (http://www.clarity.net/~adam/hurt-report.html).
Look at the results. Which groups were overrepresented?
What can you do to take yourself out of any of those groups?
Everything we do carries a certain amount of risk. Identifying those risks is the first step in avoiding them.
Yeah looked there already. With having safety courses, wearing a helmet, not drinking and being a business professional, I already take myself out of a lot of the representations. Good call.
Quote from: ducpainter on March 10, 2010, 03:27:54 PM
Manny has a moto? :o :o :o :o
Where do the tools sit?
He's got a side car that their box fits right in. His hour long special is all about him and his tools heading for a ride to the family reunion. Mann's Motorcycle Adventure is what is called I think haha.
What about Mike's Motorcycle adventure?
Wow, sorry to hear about the dilemma. I got my moto kicks in prior to meeting my wife-to-be, knowing that some women are not okay with motorcycles. But then I was very lucky to meet this wonderful young lady... she thinks the 900SS is "sexy as hell", thinks I should keep it, and she LOVES riding on the back of it (all I heard after her first time on the back seat was "go faster!"). I've told her if she's uncomfortable with me riding, then I am willing to sell it (she's worth more than the motorcycle by FAR). So far, she loves the fact I own and ride a Ducati, and does not want me to sell it.
So anyway... two options that I see for your situation:
1) Track bike. ryandalling mentioned many of the reasons this is FAR safer than riding on the street.
2) Start with a scooter. Friend of mine did this, justifying that it saved a LOT of money on gas for commuting (which it did). Now he's considering moving up to a "real" motorcycle, and after riding on the back of the scoot, and knowing how safe this friend is (Quality Engineer for an avionics company), his wife is okay with him buying a motorcycle.
Quote from: MrIncredible on March 09, 2010, 08:35:58 AM
To be blunt, if I stopped doing anything that a friend had died while doing, I wouldn't have much left I could do.
Ditto. Living life has risks. Doesn't matter if you're on a bicycle, motorcycle, in a Volvo, or driving an M-1 Abrams tank... sh!t happens. I, for one, refuse to live in a state of paranoia. Now, am I suicidal with my hobbies? No. I wear full gear, have taken the appropriate training, and I keep the knee-dragging cornering speeds limited to the track (where the aforementioned crews wait with the ambulance engine running, and none of the variables of the street like oncoming traffic/deer/etc).
As far as track injuries go... I live in the Columbia River Gorge between Oregon and Washington... hikers and mountain bikers fall off cliffs, get lost, etc. Kiteboarders get decapitated when their kite lines get wrapped around their heads (those kites generate a lot of lift). Windsurfers drown. Skiers/snowboarders die in avalanches. Snowmobilers get lost and die of exposure. If you're living life, you're at risk of death. Hell, getting out of bed in the morning entails some risk of death... so yeah, the injuries and deaths at the track, while tragic, do not make me hesitate when it comes to track riding. I try to learn from the mistakes of others and take appropriate precautions, then... I go out and enjoy life.
Quote from: MrIncredible on March 09, 2010, 01:30:03 PM
I met my wife at a motorcycle gathering ;D
My first date with my wife was on a bike. Now I ride'em both. :-X
Quote from: Last Canadian Exit on March 10, 2010, 03:52:19 PM
He's got a side car that their box fits right in. His hour long special is all about him and his tools heading for a ride to the family reunion. Mann's Motorcycle Adventure is what is called I think haha.
What about Mike's Motorcycle adventure?
Handy Manny - Motorcycle Adventure #2 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xfHDl0cFIo#normal)
[thumbsup] ;D
Quote from: rgramjet on March 09, 2010, 02:45:55 PM
......enjoy your minivan......
Too true.
I went about getting the bike all wrong, and so I hear about it quite a bit. There are a lot of good suggestions in this thread, and if I had it to do all over again I'd follow the advice here.
Do:
Take the beginner rider course (whether you think you need it or not).
Take the follow-up course (as soon as it's available and/or you're eligible).
Spend more on your protective gear than on the first bike.
Get nerdy, brightly-colored hi-visibility protective gear instead of dark, menacing “I'm a bada#$ biker†stuff that visually contradicts everything you're telling wifey about being a safe rider.
Introduce her to the tolerant/supportive wives and girlfriends of the people you will be riding with so that she can hear from people in a similar situation about how they deal with the stress of having a rider spouse.
Buy a bike that matches your skill level and stated riding intentions (Mama knows the 'busa ain't no starter bike and ain't no 'commuter')
Don't:
Expect her to buy the whole “I rode in college, I'm sure I'm still up-to-speed†story.
Ride on an expired learner's permit like I did, or violate the terms of the permit by riding at night... kinda contradicts the whole "safe rider" thing when you don't adhere to simple laws that clearly exist for your own safety.
Blow off the beginning rider course because you're hung over.
Buy cheap-o gear just because it was on clearance.
Buy a menacing all-black Icon mutant ghetto ninja jacket, Mad Max gloves and boots (and expect her to buy into my mild-mannered commuter / weekend putt rider story… the apparel just screams out “I'm doin' wheelies! Whooo!â€)
Ride with a bunch of people she's never met… or, worse, people she “disapproves†off (ie: slutty chicks).
Buy an M900 with a jet kit and a bald back tire as your first bike… (“No, honey, the jet kit is just to make it more responsive, not any faster… and I don't know how the tire got that way, the last guy must just be too cheap to by a new rear wheel…â€)
The only thing that I'd really done right was keeping the discussion going about intending to get another bike since I sold the last one. I had one in college and she knew I regretted selling it, and about once a summer I'd get to the point where I was speaking with a dealership or private seller pretty seriously. The upside to that was she wasn't completely surprised when I finally took the plunge. I guess the downside was that she'd gotten used to me flirting with a purchase and not actually buying, so she had probably gotten to the point where she assumed I was all talk and no action.
I'm finally to the point where she trusts me to not put myself in danger, but it took about a year and a half of good behavior to build that trust back up. It would have gone a lot quicker if I hadn't done all the boneheaded stuff I listed above. I wouldn't say she's supportive of my hobby quite yet, but she no longer resents it as much as she did.
Good luck!
Being really super nice to her is helping. I can now actually mention the word motorcycle without getting the silent treatment.
Soon time to get her to sign off on permit and training course. Hope that goes well!
The point about wives that have husbands that own bikes is a good one. I re-kindled my bid for a bike because her best friend's husband just bought one. But, then I just found out that her and her husband just went out on their new bike with no lids on. Grrrrreat. I made a huge deal about how stupid that was and hopefully it gained me points!
Quote from: Last Canadian Exit on March 11, 2010, 05:34:44 AM
....
But, then I just found out that her and her husband just went out on their new bike with no lids on. Grrrrreat. I made a huge deal about how stupid that was and hopefully it gained me points!
I've sorta trained my kids to critique the safety gear of people they see riding when we're going somewhere in the car. The little voices come out of the backseat whenever a weekend warrior with no lid blows by... "Uh-oh, Dah-deee! No heww-met!" and "Daddy, he's not riding very safe! He didn't even have GLOVES on!"
It's showing my wife that I've gotten serious about being a safer rider. She knows I'm trying to set an example in case the kids ever want to ride (a pretty safe bet with two rambunctious little boys that love jet planes and robots and race cars...).
Go watch this episode (last night's) of Cougar Town:
http://www.hulu.com/watch/131330/cougar-town-counting-on-you#s-p1-so-i0 (http://www.hulu.com/watch/131330/cougar-town-counting-on-you#s-p1-so-i0)
Not because it'll help, necessarily, but the moto bits (with lots of begging and whinging and crashing) made me laugh.
Once she goes on a ride with you her whole attitude will change.
When I was Dating the woman who is now my wife, She was saying "Oh no...I'm never going on the back of a motorcycle"
I was thinking, I don't think this is going to work.
One day we were talking of going to the movies (and I had no car) So I just said here put this on (a helmet) it's only three blocks. She got on and we put putted a round the corner to the Movie theater. On the way back it was slightly farther. now she likes to go for a ride once in a while.
Quote from: triangleforge on March 11, 2010, 07:51:56 AM
Go watch this episode (last night's) of Cougar Town:
http://www.hulu.com/watch/131330/cougar-town-counting-on-you#s-p1-so-i0 (http://www.hulu.com/watch/131330/cougar-town-counting-on-you#s-p1-so-i0)
Not because it'll help, necessarily, but the moto bits (with lots of begging and whinging and crashing) made me laugh.
Funny you mention that! I added Courtney Cox to the Handy Manny and Oso speech the other day!
I said you watch and let your children watch shows that say having a motorcycle is acceptable but you don't let me have one? Not a good message to send the kids, hahaha!
Quote from: Piller on March 09, 2010, 05:20:50 PM
Sounds like the lyrics to big rock candy mountain
+1
Except I would still recommend sock washing.
;)
Just buy one. If a relationship ends because of a decision like that, then let it end. One person holding another person back isn't conducive to a healthy relationship anyway. Woulda, coulda, shoulda isn't something you want to be saying when it's too late. Make it happen and enjoy life...grab the horns and take the ride. Trust me, it's better than watching from the sidelines.
You've gotten a lot of good advice both on convincing her that a motorcycle is not vehicular suicide, and what you should do to fulfill that promise. I'll add my experience, which has been convincing the rest of my family, and not necessarily my wife that I am a safe rider and will not instantly die the minute I start up my bike.
If you can rattle off Snell test criteria, recite the difference between level one and level two requirements for CE back protectors, or generally answer any moto death anecdote with an earful of boring scientific data about protective equipment you will win the war of attrition against the anti-moto factions.
If someone mentions hearing about someone's cousin's friend dying ask them if they were wearing a helmet, gloves, and boots (leg injuries are the most common according to the Hurt study), or if they were drinking (accounting for 50% of all moto accidents), how fast they were going (a trick question - speed does not really correlate to fatalities) and then offer up some safety trivia like the abrasion resistance qualities of various materials, you will effectively bore the shit out them and end the conversation. These people, and hopefully your wife too, will realize that you are fully invested in ensuring your own safety.
What they think may happen -someone was just riding along minding their own business and when suddenly they were killed to death- eventually becomes no match for the things you will make sure will happen -protecting yourself, riding defensively, and mitigating all possible risks.
I will also add that it does not take a pile of cash to be geared up properly, as long as you have done your research. I think many new riders think there is a safety halo comprised of cash surrounding their brand new Dainese two-piece (a fine brand to be sure), but you can ride just as safely and spend less money. Just do your research. And good luck to ya' [thumbsup]
Great advice. I think I need to get more data to spew everytime she blocks my next move. She will start to get that I am serious about this. I started today, as I read the HURT report and gave her some numbers.
Will look at more sites though, need as much ammo as I can get!
Quote from: Venom51 on March 11, 2010, 09:50:46 AM
Just buy one. If a relationship ends because of a decision like that, then let it end. One person holding another person back isn't conducive to a healthy relationship anyway. Woulda, coulda, shoulda isn't something you want to be saying when it's too late. Make it happen and enjoy life...grab the horns and take the ride. Trust me, it's better than watching from the sidelines.
If this was that important, it should've been hashed out before gf and no kids became wife with triplets. The man has obligations that are more important. Doing it without consent would be epically friggin' stupid.
Quote from: MrIncredible on March 11, 2010, 10:32:53 AM
If this was that important, it should've been hashed out before gf and no kids became wife with triplets. The man has obligations that are more important. Doing it without consent would be epically friggin' stupid.
+11tyB
Family, marriage, kids are FAR more important than a moto. My fiancee knows this. I think one reason she didn't want me to sell the bike is because she knows I'm willing to; she is far more important than any motorcycle. Hell... I started to sell the SS last year so I could buy her an expensive engagement ring... you know, the whole "two-months salary" rule... she found out, told me not to, told me she didn't want to carry something that expensive around on her finger anyway. Now I still have the 900SS AND I get this wonderful woman.
If you can let her know that the relationship is more important than the bike, it may help.
Meh-not saying the bike can't be more important than the family-it should just be mentioned before the I do's ;D
My wife is only second to bacon. [bacon]
Quote from: MrIncredible on March 11, 2010, 10:32:53 AM
If this was that important, it should've been hashed out before gf and no kids became wife with triplets. The man has obligations that are more important. Doing it without consent would be epically friggin' stupid.
Most would say riding a motorcycle is epically friggin' stupid.
My point, however, is a person should never be held back from trying to enjoy life. It's obviously important enough to seek advice on this forum. How long might it fester? I can see it now... "20 years ago you didn't let me get my motorcycle dammit. So I'm getting the chromed walker and not the plain black one!!!!" ;D
Quote from: duc_fan on March 11, 2010, 11:29:46 AM
+11tyB
Family, marriage, kids are FAR more important than a moto. My fiancee knows this. I think one reason she didn't want me to sell the bike is because she knows I'm willing to; she is far more important than any motorcycle. Hell... I started to sell the SS last year so I could buy her an expensive engagement ring... you know, the whole "two-months salary" rule... she found out, told me not to, told me she didn't want to carry something that expensive around on her finger anyway. Now I still have the 900SS AND I get this wonderful woman.
If you can let her know that the relationship is more important than the bike, it may help.
Let me set the record straight. My wife and kids would win the arguement everytime as they are the MOST important things, period.
I have been married for 4 years now and always wanted a bike, and was always told no, but I was able to not care because I always had a sports car to take care of the itch. I had to sell my brand new Corvette when the kids came along, and I have had a hole ever since. Now could I get by with driving around in my wife's Chrysler Pacifica, and thinking that our Sienna has got so much more power than it? Sure I can. However, for a very small investment and some time spent in learning to be safe, I think I can fill that hole with an enjoyable past time without dying or breaking the bank. It is convincing my wife of that is all, haha!
At the end of the day, it will be what it is, but I am going to keep trying for this bike for at least the next couple of months and see where that gets me. I need something people! [bang]
^^ Sorry, I came across the wrong way... I wasn't trying to say "don't buy a bike". In the process of learning to ride and buying a bike, let her know how important she is, that you take her concerns seriously, and you are thinking of the future.
Thanks man. I know where you are coming from, I just didn't want anyone getting the wrong impression. Things are not going well, but I will keep the faith. Being nice and making her feel bad for me not getting what I want has to work eventually! Hahaha!
I am very familiar with your situation on this. I finally got a bike last spring but it was certainly a long road to hoe. As some have said, I should have done it before I was married but I honestly didn't anticipate the resistance. I have been married for 5 years and started looking 2 years after that. I was just looking for a bit of fun as I had traded in my sports car for something a bit more practical. It certainly wasn't forced on me and made sense but it did take some of the joy I had about hitting the road. It wasn't until I started looking at bikes that I found out how much that scared my wife. So for 2 years, it was me looking for a way to make the bike happen and my wife coming up with rebuttals. And for all of my persuasion it was her that finally came to the reason for acceptance. She came to me one Saturday and asked if wanted to go look at bikes to which I declined. Afterall, no sense in rubbing salt in the wound. It wasn't until she asked again that I understood. The push for her was that she saw how much it meant to me and as she said, she wouldn't want me to tell her that she couldn't do something that meant that much to her. Her passion is travel so I win on that too. As part of the deal, I took the riders course and wear my gear all the time. Can't even walk out of the house without my gloves, hehe. Fair enough though.
The only advice I have is to have that discussion with your wife. Bottom line is to keep hope and when the day comes respect your wifes concerns. Pulling for you here.
[moto]
Thanks moto, I really think my wife will be the same way. I am in the same boat with the sports car thing and wanting to fill the gap. I think once my wife sees that this is something I really want, she will be okay with it. I tend to go through fads, and when she sees this is not a fad, she may come around. Thanks for the hope!
When I was in high school my parents always knew that I loved motorcycles. They always told me, not a chance in hell. I always promised to ride responsibly but to no avail. I even took the proper safety courses administered by the msf. So one day I got tired of it and went out to buy a motorcycle regardless. I came home with a 99 Yama R6, my dad flipped. However, after months of responsible riding my father began to come around, seeing that motorcycles =/= instantdeath. Three months later, he bought his own Ninja 250. He now owns a Yama FZ6R and LOVES it. We ride every weekend together.
It seems to me that a lot of people give motorcycles a bad rep without ever giving them a chance. I hope this gives you a different perspective. Good luck, hopefully we'll see you out there!
[thumbsup]
I might consider arguing that there are far more "squid-like" drivers on 4 wheels than 2, mucho mas. [thumbsup]
Get one and just argue after you bought it,at least you have the bike.Her anger can't stay forver:-)
Tell her you want a new Corvette.......Fill out a quote form online so the dealers call you all the time so she thinks you are serious. You need something!
Settle on a bike using the following points:
-its a mild mannered bike that is "slow" compared to those unrully Japanese sport bikes that the youngsters always get hurt on. This is an Adult machine!
-The bike is ugly but has great brakes and handles well to get you out of trouble.
-Mostly its just a weekend boulevard cruising machine.
-You can pick one up for $5k instead of a $50k Vette.
Maybe the proper spin will help.
Eff all that noise.
This is your wife, mang. Mother of your children. Lying/manipulating/doing it anyway are steps on the road to child support and alimony payments.
Stick with what you're doing. Logic. Patience. Reasoning. Eventually you'll either sway her to your side of the discussion and come to some acceptable compromise, or you'll end up bikeless but still married. Win/win.
Quote from: Obsessed? on March 17, 2010, 07:40:46 AM
Eff all that noise.
This is your wife, mang. Mother of your children. Lying/manipulating/doing it anyway are steps on the road to child support and alimony payments.
Stick with what you're doing. Logic. Patience. Reasoning. Eventually you'll either sway her to your side of the discussion and come to some acceptable compromise, or you'll end up bikeless but still married. Win/win.
Truth.
Quote from: Obsessed? on March 17, 2010, 07:40:46 AM
Eff all that noise.
This is your wife, mang. Mother of your children. Lying/manipulating/doing it anyway are steps on the road to child support and alimony payments.
Stick with what you're doing. Logic. Patience. Reasoning. Eventually you'll either sway her to your side of the discussion and come to some acceptable compromise, or you'll end up bikeless but still married. Win/win.
+2
great advice.
Did anybody say take the MSF course together so she knows what its all about?
No argument about getting a bike yet, just trying to get her warmed up to the idea.
A couple of degrees off subject but much to my shock and dismay my wife actually let our 13 year old son ride on the back of a friend's Goldwing yesterday!! Could have knocked me down with a feather! He has been banned from the back of my bikes (nor has he ever wanted to ride again!) ever since my broken neck/wild turkey attack while riding through OK.
She visited a friend from her old neighborhood and that gal's husband rode home from work on the 'wing and somehow someway he managed to take the kiddo for a spin around the neighborhood! I can't believe I am even typing these words!!! [bang]
So, point to original poster, never ever count out the spouse to do something pro-scooter when you least expect it! [thumbsup] [moto] [drink]
i used to get good and warmed up for a ride by burning up and down the natchez trace between Hwy 100 and Hwy 96 back in TN. Frequently turkeys would wander out in front of you, but mostly where the turns open up a bit and you can steer around 'em. I've put boot to turkey ass multiple times! [laugh]
Quote from: ato memphis on March 18, 2010, 08:31:48 AM
I've put boot to turkey ass multiple times! [laugh]
Wish I could say those words. :P There was no avoiding this kamikaze dumb SOB. He had tone, he had lock. It was a direct hit. I am one of a handful of folks that can claim they have sliced a full size big ass gobbler in half with an Arai RX7 Corsair at 60mph! [laugh]
Last Canadian Exit, DO NOT let your spouse read this post!! She'll have visions of moose bouncing off your helmet! ;D [bacon]
April 3, my son and I will do our best to "harvest" 3 Virginia Turkeys....in the name of safe motorcycling of course!
Quote from: fastwin on March 18, 2010, 10:40:52 AM
Wish I could say those words. :P There was no avoiding this kamikaze dumb SOB. He had tone, he had lock. It was a direct hit. I am one of a handful of folks that can claim they have sliced a full size big ass gobbler in half with an Arai RX7 Corsair at 60mph! [laugh]
Last Canadian Exit, DO NOT let your spouse read this post!! She'll have visions of moose bouncing off your helmet! ;D [bacon]
Are you available on thanskgiving? ;D
It has become one of my favorite holidays! ;D Every Thanksgiving I have several "friends" that leave gobbling sounds on our home voice mail. I have even had threats that there is a bounty on my head and a hit out on me through some shadowy Oklahoma turkey mafia outfit. Something about me meeting some ominous turkey named "Fat Tony"... don't know quite what to make of it. Of course my collection of stuffed cartoonish looking turkeys that gobble when you squeeze their stomachs has gotten quite impressive. [laugh] So yes, I guess I could be available. [wine] [laugh] ;D
While in the hospital, going over their delicious food menu, I was jotting down my requests for the daily meals. My son suggested that I put down turkey sandwiches for lunch every day to "get even"! [laugh] [laugh] [laugh]
Quote from: rgramjet on March 18, 2010, 10:44:49 AM
April 3, my son and I will do our best to "harvest" 3 Virginia Turkeys....in the name of safe motorcycling of course!
Lucky some Parks and Wildlife officer didn't cite me for harvesting out of season. My come back would have been they owed me money for taking the dumbest turkey out of the gene pool. ;D
Buy 2 one for you, and one for her
Why not just start out in the dirt? You can pick up a decent dirt bike for under $2K, no real argument about safety compared to riding on the street, its cheaper, you have a blast and learn all of the skills. Also when you crash / drop it it costs nothing. Then in a little while you can pick up a street bike and you will have skills and she will feel better about it because you have already been riding.
I wanted a bike forever.....My wife was also dead set against it. I just waited till gas was $4.00 per gallon and I simply said; I'm getting a bike end of story...No arguments, no fighting....She at least said "If you get a bike, you can only get a Ducati". I accused her of being a label whore and that is what I already wanted. [laugh]
Looks like I am losing this battle. Summer is here and I got bupkis. I think the dream is over!
Quote from: Last Canadian Exit on May 29, 2010, 06:33:08 AM
Looks like I am losing this battle. Summer is here and I got bupkis. I think the dream is over!
NEVER say that. You need your "man" toy.......go get it and ask for forgiveness
Goonies never say die!
"A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still."
This applies to women, too. "Talking her into" something is a losing battle. She'll always remember that she'd initially opposed it. She'll resent feeling manipulated.
Much depends on what your arrangement is about disagreements, which you haven't mentioned. Nobody in my marriage "wears the pants." Basically, whoever feels the strongest about something is likely to prevail, but we've been married 29 years and see each other as adults.
You should really be getting advice from your wife, not from us. Why not, in all honesty, ask her for this? E.g.: "Honey, I'm really interested in riding a motorcycle. I know you're not comfortable with the idea. What might make you happier about it?" Don't focus on facts and figures, which are irrelevant here. Focus on feelings, which is what this is about for both of you. When you think of your wording ahead of time, substitute "hooker" for "motorcycle." (You can leave "ride" alone, if you like). This may help you imagine the sort of reflexive, visceral responses that might arise.
Although I've said you should not be taking advice from here, I'll burden you with some anyway. Instead of talking about getting or riding a motorcycle, tell her you want to take the MSF class together. Do some research ahead of time and go all-out to find a class with a female instructor, then make sure she knows there is one. Emphasize words such as "share" and "together" and make this an adventurous date for both of you instead of something for you alone. See if you can get her mom or one of her friends to watch the kids during the classes, which may make the course something that she's doing to make them happy, rather than you. Make completely certain that she knows the requirements that safety gear be worn and that helmets will be supplied. After classes, go out for a bite to eat somewhere that you can talk. Do not try to build any sort of case. Just talk about the shared experience ("Wow - how did you like that avoidance maneuver? I thought it was sort of hard at first, but it turned out to be pretty fun, don't you think?)
If she won't take the course, look for another hobby. If she does take the course and this doesn't change her mind, look for another hobby.
Quote from: rgramjet on March 18, 2010, 10:44:49 AM
April 3, my son and I will do our best to "harvest" 3 Virginia Turkeys....in the name of safe motorcycling of course!
me and a couple of guys used to harvest rabbits at night on our dirt bikes, all in the name of improving our skills of course!
Just got my son an XR 70. Might have to try that!