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Kitchen Sink => No Moto Content => Topic started by: Drunken Monkey on January 16, 2011, 10:28:45 AM

Title: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: Drunken Monkey on January 16, 2011, 10:28:45 AM
I have seen the face of horror. And it's Chuck-E-Cheese's face.

For his 3rd birthday my son got to pick where he wanted to have his party. He chose Chuck E Cheese. He'd been there a few times before with friends on play dates on weekdays. Now by some stroke of luck, I'd never actually been to one of these, I'd just seen the ads and had an inkling for what I was in for. Still, foolishly we got a party reservation for 5 on a Sat.

First up was the gauntlet of chain-smokers gathered up immediately outside the door. Look, I'm a recovering smoker (read as: Yeah, I still bum cigarettes) and I can see how this place might lead you to really really need a cig. But back it up a few paces people.

Once the pimply teenager guarding the front of the line let me in, past the velvety ropes, I had an immediate flashback to the NY subway system in the '80s: Loud, dangerous, overcrowded, urine soaked.

With 2 minutes I'd already lost my son. He'd made a bee-line for some sort of play structure. Little did I realize it connected to a series of tubes up on the ceiling, and naturally he'd gone up into them. The windows on the tubes were too caked with pizza grease for me to see in, but I had visions of a whole tribe of toddlers building a civilization up there, painting their faces with pizza sauce and otherwise recreating Lord of the Flies with tokens and tickets as their primary means of barter with the outside world.

Eventually I imagined my son forged the various tribes into a mighty empire, got bored and decided to return to me down the slide.

Saw at least 3 fights over tokens.
Saw tiny kids getting bounced off rides. Apparently they knew enough to put the tokens in, but not enough to buckle up.
Saw a pack of feral kids almost take down the 'clock chair'
Saw kids with absolutely no sense of "taking turns" jostle and jockey over every damn amusement available.


Things I didn't see - Adult supervision. Just lots of suicidal looking moms drinking beer amid the scattered detritus of pizza feeding frenzies and dads hogging all the available gun and basketball games.

I also saw some awesome examples of parenting. "Oh yeah, I'll give you something to cry about" or best of all, a woman flipping the bird when she posed in her 1 year old's birthday photo.

Still...
My son had a blast.
I feel downright svelte
While my parenting skills need work, it could be worse.

In short, I recharged my smug reserves for the year.
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: duccarlos on January 16, 2011, 10:35:48 AM
Never use a parent that takes his kids to Chuck E Cheese on a regular basis as an example of responsible parenting.
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: Monster Dave on January 16, 2011, 10:44:28 AM
You know, with a thread title like that, I couldn't help but think "where a kid can be a kid"....that's 20 year old marketing still stuck in my head!!


So you mean it's not like this anymore:

Chuck E Chesse's 80's commercial (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YFiSRi3BZQ#normal)


:-\
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: MendoDave on January 16, 2011, 10:50:11 AM
I hope you didn't eat the Pizza. I have a frozen pizza in my freezer that is better than theirs.

Oh and drunk fights at chuck e cheese.

http://blogs.pjstar.com/theinformant/2010/10/06/drunk-partier-at-chuck-e-cheese%E2%80%99s-birthday-bash-tosses-a-punch/ (http://blogs.pjstar.com/theinformant/2010/10/06/drunk-partier-at-chuck-e-cheese%E2%80%99s-birthday-bash-tosses-a-punch/)

http://adweek.blogs.com/adfreak/2008/12/whats-with-all-the-chuck-e-cheese-fights-.html (http://adweek.blogs.com/adfreak/2008/12/whats-with-all-the-chuck-e-cheese-fights-.html)

http://bossip.com/184094/bizarroworld-crazy-news-from-your-neck-of-the-woods-when-fights-break-out-at-chuck-e-cheese/ (http://bossip.com/184094/bizarroworld-crazy-news-from-your-neck-of-the-woods-when-fights-break-out-at-chuck-e-cheese/)

and so on.....
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: Johnny OrganDonor on January 16, 2011, 10:56:39 AM
I may need to plagiarize much of the OP sometime.  Very well put.
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: ducatiz on January 16, 2011, 11:40:03 AM
Good gods, I could have written Monkey's writeup. 

The CeC near us is a cesspool.  It's in a nice area, but it seems to attract the "12 member family in a beat up Honda Civic with neon accents" crowd.

The whole place looks like it needs a Biblical Flood of Lysol.
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: Buckethead on January 16, 2011, 11:45:35 AM
There was one near where I lived on Long Island that my hockey friends and I used to go to. Nothing like a bunch of rowdy adults getting LOADED, talking smack, and totally commandeering the ski-ball and hoops games.

Oh what horrible people we were/are.  [beer]
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: cokey on January 16, 2011, 12:12:41 PM
Ha thts funny.. the one here in the ghetto is actually civil.. 
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: fastwin on January 16, 2011, 12:16:36 PM
Drunken Monkey's account was like a bad acid flash back. [bang] Chuck E Cheese may not be the asshole of the world but you can clearly see it from there! :P Way too many bad b-day party experiences to mention. Damn, if one little kid wants his birthday throw down there then they all do! When my step son was little it seemed like we were going there once or twice a month. I told my wife as a business venture I should open up a sports bar next door to it. [beer] I'd be a millionaire! Those little kid b-day nightmares slowly morphed into the indoor jump house phase. Much more sane and tolerable and no greasy cardboard pizza. You couldn't get me drunk enough to be tricked into going back into a CEC. Lesson learned. [thumbsup]
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: Buckethead on January 16, 2011, 12:23:40 PM
Quote from: oldfastwin on January 16, 2011, 12:16:36 PM
You couldn't get me drunk enough to be tricked into going back into a CEC.

Challenge accepted!  [thumbsup]
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: fastwin on January 16, 2011, 12:30:55 PM
 [laugh] [beer] [drink]

I forgot that they served alcohol at most of the CECs. I still don't think that would effect business at my sports bar next door. "Oh, say honey, I have to run back to the car. I forgot the paper plates for junior's cake." Proceed straight to sports bar for several quick shots of tequila while you think of your next excuse to run back to the car. ;D
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: the_Journeyman on January 16, 2011, 12:42:17 PM
Chucky Cheese Hell (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLGtuDZTk6o#normal)

JM
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: RAT900 on January 16, 2011, 12:49:27 PM
Thanks for reminding me how great it is to have that chapter of parenting behind me...I am still recovering from taking the kids to the circus at Nassau Coliseum...and that was almost 25 years ago
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: IZ on January 16, 2011, 02:45:05 PM
My sister just came up from Tucson to take her boyfriends daughter there.  She called and asked if I wanted to go.  Weird.  I have bnever thought about this place in years and now it's brought up in here too?!

Never taking my kid to this place!   :P  Same goes for those fast food playgrounds. 
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: mitt on January 16, 2011, 03:06:35 PM
My favorite part and pretty damn accurate

", I had an immediate flashback to the NY subway system in the '80s: Loud, dangerous, overcrowded, urine soaked."
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: ducatiz on January 16, 2011, 06:15:55 PM
Quote from: mitt on January 16, 2011, 03:06:35 PM
My favorite part and pretty damn accurate

", I had an immediate flashback to the NY subway system in the '80s: Loud, dangerous, overcrowded, urine soaked."

we only left nyc 2 years ago and that's how it was then, esp in the BBQ trains.
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: sbrguy on January 16, 2011, 07:25:51 PM
oh come on, cec is basically a  microcosm of the working adult world, it still smells like urine, its still everyone being irresponsible, its greasy food, its dirty, its hell, but oh so fun...  just like the real adult world.  [laugh]
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: Scotzman on January 16, 2011, 10:01:21 PM
 
QuoteSame goes for those fast food playgrounds.
You say that now...We'll see in a few years.
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: The Architect on January 17, 2011, 04:46:21 AM
I'm not really a germ-a-phoebe but you might want to consider bathing your son in a 55 gallon drum of purell. 
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: il d00d on January 17, 2011, 08:44:45 AM
First, good read, and you deserve credit for going there and toughing it out.  Attach this PTSD pin on your Dadscounts sash.   [thumbsup] 

I went to one a few years ago, when my niece was of Chuck E Cheese age.  As a non-parent (at the time) I was astounded to see that you could buy beer there.  For about a fraction of a second.  It went something like "holy cow, you can buy bee-  oooohhh."


Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: SacDuc on January 17, 2011, 09:00:25 AM


I think some of you guys are doing it wrong. The last time I was at Chuck E Cheese I was 27 years old. My brother (30 at the time) and I were piss drunk and driving to the next bar when we passed C E C. we HAD to stop. They serve beer there! Even if you're drunk and there without children, apparently. we spent a joyous hour chugging pitchers of Miller High Life and throwing minifootballs through little holes to win tickets. Good times. And the kid we handed the fist full of tickets to on the way out looked like he just won the lottery.


sac



/save the drunk driving speech, I've learned my lesson
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: fastwin on January 17, 2011, 03:21:58 PM
Good one! [laugh] That's the only "good times" CEC adult story I've ever heard!! They should make being sort of drunk a requirement for all adults before entering!! They'd get better reviews... and there would be more drunken fight stories as was posted earlier. [laugh]
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: SacDuc on January 18, 2011, 12:12:20 PM
Quote from: oldfastwin on January 17, 2011, 03:21:58 PM
Good one! [laugh] That's the only "good times" CEC adult story I've ever heard!! They should make being sort of drunk a requirement for all adults before entering!! They'd get better reviews... and there would be more drunken fight stories as was posted earlier. [laugh]


Here's the thing about getting drunk: If it turns you into such a raging asshole that you would get into a fist fight at a children's playground - DON'T DO IT! I drink because drinking makes me happy and relaxed. If I had a tray of 20 different drugs in front of me I would pick the booze every time. Not everyone has a positive experience with every drug. If alcohol affects you negatively then smoke some pot. Or take some Vicodin. Or trip. Or whatever puts you in your happy place. Don't impair yourself in a way that makes you a belligerent asshole. My advice to the kids out there is not "Just say no" but rather, try a bunch of different drugs (use a safe and controlled environment for the first time) to find out which ones make you happy and so you can avoid those that don't. That way when you are older and forced to go to some brat's party at Chuck E Cheese you will have a tolerable time instead of turning it into a make the beast with two backsing brawl.

[thumbsup]


sac
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: Rameses on January 18, 2011, 12:31:44 PM
Quote from: the_Journeyman on January 16, 2011, 12:42:17 PM
Chucky Cheese Hell (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLGtuDZTk6o#normal)

JM


You beat me to it... I clicked on this thread for the sole purpose of posting that video.   [laugh]


So instead I'll share this...

Back in high school one of my brother's buddies would occasionally say he couldn't do something with us because he had to go to work.  Never would tell us where he worked though.

So we put together a covert operation one Saturday and tailed him to work.  You guessed it, he wound up disappearing into the back door or the local Chuck E. Cheese.

Busting his balls over this was absolutely mandatory, so we proceeded to find a parking spot.

We waited a little while and then headed inside for the confrontation.  We asked the dude at the desk where we could find Chris.  "He's still getting dressed" was his response.  How was he still getting dressed?  It'd been 15 minutes since he'd gotten there...

The next line will forever be etched in my memory.  "It takes him a while to get into that mouse outfit."  Holy shit, you've gotta be kidding me.

I really wish I had a picture of our faces upon receiving this golden nugget of information.

You can guess the rest of what happened.  And of course he was addressed as Mr. Cheese for the remainder of his high school career.   [thumbsup]

Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: sbrguy on January 18, 2011, 01:19:24 PM
holy crap that is funny.
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: Speedbag on January 18, 2011, 01:29:27 PM
I would have SO worn that costume to parties....
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: Drunken Monkey on January 18, 2011, 02:02:42 PM
Quote from: Sắc Dục on January 18, 2011, 12:12:20 PM
Here's the thing about getting drunk: If it turns you into such a raging asshole that you would get into a fist fight at a children's playground - DON'T DO IT! I drink because drinking makes me happy and relaxed.

I didn't see Jesus and jump off a building because I thought I could fly. I didn't microwave the baby or swallow broken glass.

I laughed my ass off for 10 hours straight. Now why can't I make a public service announcement?  [laugh]



Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: Speedbag on January 18, 2011, 02:07:28 PM
Quote from: Sắc Dục on January 18, 2011, 12:12:20 PM

Here's the thing about getting drunk: If it turns you into such a raging asshole that you would get into a fist fight at a children's playground - DON'T DO IT! I drink because drinking makes me happy and relaxed. If I had a tray of 20 different drugs in front of me I would pick the booze every time. Not everyone has a positive experience with every drug. If alcohol affects you negatively then smoke some pot. Or take some Vicodin. Or trip. Or whatever puts you in your happy place. Don't impair yourself in a way that makes you a belligerent asshole. My advice to the kids out there is not "Just say no" but rather, try a bunch of different drugs (use a safe and controlled environment for the first time) to find out which ones make you happy and so you can avoid those that don't. That way when you are older and forced to go to some brat's party at Chuck E Cheese you will have a tolerable time instead of turning it into a make the beast with two backsing brawl.

[thumbsup]


sac

make the beast with two backsed-Up February, here we come!  ;D
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: SacDuc on January 18, 2011, 02:37:56 PM
Quote from: Drunken Monkey on January 18, 2011, 02:02:42 PM
I didn't see Jesus and jump off a building because I thought I could fly. I didn't microwave the baby or swallow broken glass.

I laughed my ass off for 10 hours straight. Now why can't I make a public service announcement?  [laugh]



Take off from the ground you moron. You don't see ducks lining up to catch elevators to fly south for the winter.


Bill Hicks - Positive Drug Story (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vX1CvW38cHA#normal)
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: Duck-Stew on January 18, 2011, 06:04:14 PM
Huh...  Now realizing that I've never been to a CeC.  And, lucky for me, my only child is over that age...

:-)

Good read though!!
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: Drunken Monkey on January 18, 2011, 11:15:39 PM
Oh Bill Hicks, how I miss you.
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: Speedbag on January 19, 2011, 04:21:51 AM
+1

And Mitch Hedberg.
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: redxblack on January 19, 2011, 05:42:38 AM
My wife worked at a CeC in high school. You'd be safer to let your kids play on a beach full of medical waste than to engage with the ball crawl. The horror stories of the pit of plastic balls haunts my memories to this day, and I only got the stories second hand. Between the vomit that's impossible to completely clean out to the discovery of dirty diapers in the bottom, that place should not be allowed within 5 km of any food product.
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: Drunken Monkey on January 19, 2011, 09:40:33 AM
I'm in the kids + germs = healthier kids in the long run camp. So the squalor of CeC is actually a selling point.

Maybe that should be their new tag-line "CeC: An affordable alternative to inoculation"  [laugh]
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: sno_duc on January 19, 2011, 10:28:10 AM
Is that along the "that which doesn't kill you, makes you stonger" line of thinking.
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: rgramjet on January 19, 2011, 02:43:41 PM
Quote from: Drunken Monkey on January 19, 2011, 09:40:33 AM
I'm in the kids + germs = healthier kids in the long run camp. So the squalor of CeC is actually a selling point.

Maybe that should be their new tag-line "CeC: An affordable alternative to inoculation"  [laugh]

+1 The 30 second rule is alive and well at my house....
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: ItsaDuc on January 19, 2011, 04:48:44 PM
Quote from: rgramjet on January 19, 2011, 02:43:41 PM
+1 The 30 second rule is alive and well at my house....

+2 on that one. Same at this house.
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: fastwin on January 19, 2011, 04:56:33 PM
CEC could be the primal link to the new mutant generation. It's all the fault of that giant make the beast with two backsing rat, cardboard pizza and germs from God knows where. Can't tell if it's a glorious day for the new human species or a sign of the apocalypse. Meh... either way it's no fun and shitty pizza. :P Booze or no booze.
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: Howie on January 19, 2011, 08:43:48 PM
Quote from: rgramjet on January 19, 2011, 02:43:41 PM
+1 The 30 second rule is alive and well at my house....

30 second rule works in my house too.  Then again, no one is vomiting, peeing or pooping all over my house.
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: TiNi on January 20, 2011, 03:04:26 AM
Quote from: howie on January 19, 2011, 08:43:48 PM
Then again, no one is vomiting, peeing or pooping all over my house.

yet  ;)  [laugh] :-*
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: Howie on January 20, 2011, 04:40:18 AM
Quote from: DuCaTiNi on January 20, 2011, 03:04:26 AM
yet  ;)  [laugh] :-*

:'(










;D
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: SacDuc on January 20, 2011, 10:11:31 AM
Quote from: howie on January 19, 2011, 08:43:48 PM
30 second rule works in my house too.  Then again, no one is vomiting, peeing or pooping all over my house.


I could bring over some whisky in a can and change that for you.  ;D


sac
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: Howie on January 20, 2011, 08:26:31 PM
Quote from: Sắc Dục on January 20, 2011, 10:11:31 AM

I could bring over some whisky in a can and change that for you.  ;D


sac

You will be sleeping in the yard with the squirrels.
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: RAT900 on January 20, 2011, 08:40:58 PM
Quote from: Drunken Monkey on January 19, 2011, 09:40:33 AM

Maybe that should be their new tag-line "CeC: An affordable alternative to inoculation"  [laugh]


" and cheaper than a family trip to India too!!"
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: factorPlayer on January 24, 2011, 12:31:03 PM
did you know it was founded by Nolan Bushnell, the same guy that brought us Atari?
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: Drunken Monkey on January 24, 2011, 01:04:55 PM
Quote from: factorPlayer on January 24, 2011, 12:31:03 PM
did you know it was founded by Nolan Bushnell, the same guy that brought us Atari?

Hmmm. It will take me some time to assimilate this new information....

(http://i268.photobucket.com/albums/jj19/DrunkenMonkey_bucket/Z-Day.jpg)
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: fastwin on January 24, 2011, 06:47:57 PM
I don't care what you all say. I think CEC should be nuked from orbit. And no, that's not my top shelf margarita talking! OK... maybe it's the Wick Fowler's two alarm chili. ;D But I'm not blaming it on that. Just saying I think it's a good idea. Discuss amongst yourselfs... [popcorn]
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: Drunken Monkey on January 24, 2011, 07:38:41 PM
That CeC should be nuked from orbit isn't really open for debate.

The real question is: Should it be evacuated first?  [evil]
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: fastwin on January 24, 2011, 08:56:43 PM
No. Absolutely not. Must keep our standards high. Everyone in CEC goes. Culling of the herd is what it's all about. Badda boom. Done in a flash. It's the only way to preserve the good of what's left of humanity. ;D If you've been there you'd agree! [laugh]
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: Howie on January 24, 2011, 09:26:00 PM
Quote from: oldfastwin on January 24, 2011, 06:47:57 PM
I don't care what you all say. I think CEC should be nuked from orbit. And no, that's not my top shelf margarita talking! OK... maybe it's the Wick Fowler's two alarm chili. ;D But I'm not blaming it on that. Just saying I think it's a good idea. Discuss amongst yourselfs... [popcorn]

As appealing as the idea of nuking CEC is, keep in mind two things:

    1.  If no one went to CEC it would disappear on its own.
    2.  The environmental impact of CEC fall out.
Title: Re: Chuck E Cheese
Post by: zooom on January 25, 2011, 04:29:24 AM
Quote from: oldfastwin on January 24, 2011, 06:47:57 PM
I don't care what you all say. I think CEC should be nuked from orbit. And no, that's not my top shelf margarita talking! OK... maybe it's the Wick Fowler's two alarm chili. ;D But I'm not blaming it on that. Just saying I think it's a good idea. Discuss amongst yourselfs... [popcorn]

how bout just torching it with the methane fumes that run off as a result of the chili and a bic lighter to ignite those after affects and call it a day!...you can use a touch of the top shelf margarita as an accelerant if need be...