Ducati Monster Forum

Been pondering things after a post I made in the pic thread. It just hit me how much shit I've made it thru unscathed in my life. It's a bit sobering and at the same time kinda humorous sitting here thinking about it. I'm pretty sure I've used up just about all my luck.

Here's what I can remember off hand...


I've never been struck by lightning, but I've been within 50-100 yds about 10 times. Closest was 3 feet away, hit the heat pump outside the window I was looking out of. 30-ish feet away is the closest while outdoors. Felt like a flash bang went off. 

Been in about 10 vehicle wrecks, both as a passenger and a driver. Rolled and endo'ed in a minivan at 65mph once (passenger). Walked away with only a seatbelt rash. About 2 years ago, I fell asleep at the wheel and ran thru a T-intersection, launched across the far side of a divided 4 lane Dukes of Hazzard style and landed in a field. No harm done.

I've been shocked literally hundreds of times, electrocuted to the point of unconsciousness once.

Got caught in a riptide when I was in Dominica. I can't swim.

Been shot at 3 times. The first time was intentional. Thank god he was drunk, all 5 shots missed from 15 feet.

Been thru 4 Tornadoes, 3 hurricanes and 1 flood.

I was never in a gang, but some of my friends were. Inadvertently ended up in the middle of gang shit all the time. Once got cornered in a public restroom by 7-8 rival gang members and was about to get my ass handed to me when a cop just happened to walk in.

Was attacked by a german shepard when I was 9.

Was almost choked to death by a goat.

I've been in an actual cattle stampede.

I had 2 near mid-air collisions in my piloting days, one of them was with a C-130. You have no concept of how big they really are until you see one suddenly cross your flight path 100ft away.

I've made 3 emergency landings. Once due to fuel trailing out of the wing (a la Die Hard 2) and once for a dying engine. 3rd time was due to loss of all electrical power while flying actual IFR. Basically, flew 200 miles in solid clouds with only a compass, an altimeter and a map. Not the end of the world, but things can get out of hand in a skinny minute.

Cancelled a flight one day only to have the next pilot in that plane lose an engine on takeoff and almost crash.
 
I've woken up to 1/3 of the house engulfed in flames.





All that shit, and the worst that's happened to me was a few broken fingers from fights/basketball, 2 dislocated ribs from a mosh pit and a broken tailbone from a MX crash.




I will never, ever win the lottery.

Dude....you've used up more than 9 lives and done things that most of us won't do in 9 life times.

Thank your lucky ***** !

If I were you I'd keep buying at least 1 Lottery ticket a week.

W, the kind of luck you just described you're a shoe in ...if you live long enough.

The odds of winning are hundreds of millions to 1 ...but so are the odds of what you have done and really not been hurt hardly.

Dolph       :)

You lucky sumpregnant dog...

I'd say that God/universe/chance is firmly in your corner, and you shouldn't press your luck with lottery tickets.

When the universe gives you a free pass through the fence, never pause to ask if you can borrow a ten-spot as well. [laugh]



(I'm not sure that analogy works, but the beer says it does... yeah, I'll work on it.)

I agree with Dolph.

The stuff that's happened to you only happens to the same percentage of people that win the lottery.

You're in like Flynn.

This needs to be explained.

+1
was it the singing goat on the Capitol 1 commercial? He seems like he might be pretty badass.

Goats are the debil

With luck like this you really should consider hitting on hot women with huge pissed off looking boyfriends.

 [laugh]

As far as the lightening thing, I've had it run on me once and cause me to nearly flip a couch, and on a different occasion, knock me down and damage my camera.

I was wondering about the goat too.

JM

(http://www.chrisconrey.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/adtrack-dos-equisx-large.jpg)

Beat me to it!

Give that another one. Last i rememebr goats wont have thumbs.

the whole shot at while drunk from 15 ft with 5 shots and not getting hit is as lucky as you can get.

Dammit, we need the goat story. Details dude! >:(

I've accidentally cut myself, I've slipped and fallen twice and I once had a headache a long time ago. ;D

that beats the goat story by about 14-15x's

Exactly.  Everything else I read in your list made me think of my own "luck" with various experiences. 
But this one just begs explanation.

We're waiting....

 [popcorn]

 [laugh] [laugh] [laugh]

The last girl I seriously pursued was dating a guy that was 6'5"/250 full time bouncer/amateur MMA fighter. I'm 5'10", was 180 at the time and couldn't take down a drunk Raggedy Ann doll. I worked on her for months until she finally dumped him and I immediately lost interest.




About the goat...

My grandfather always kept goats around because he was partially paralyzed by a stroke and couldn't mow the lawn. He didn't have much grass anyway, so 1-2 goats could keep the whole yard trimmed. He had this one particular goat that was evil incarnate. His name was Bob, but the family called him BeelzeBob.  I didn't really understand what that meant at the time. He stayed tied to the fence with about 20ft of swingset chain, due to his apparent lack of people skills.

We were there for our summer visit when I was about 8 and I decided to go check out the new goat. Bob was standing there beside the fence pretending that he was grazing, but he was actually devising a swift and terrible plan. I got about 5-10 feet from him and he set his plan into motion, hitting me in the gut and knocking the wind out of me. I landed on my ass sitting upright and had ahold of his horns trying to stop him from headbutting me. Needless to say, it turned into a full fledged PRCA sponsored rodeo in about .2 seconds.

During the ruckus, Bob managed to spin us both around a complete 360 degrees, wrapping his chain around my neck. At this point I yelled for help and Bob saw his golden window of opportunity. Pretending to be startled by my screams, he bolted as fast as he could away from me until he ran out of chain. It caught so hard that it jerked his feet out from under him, and I still remember that even in the midst of what was happening, I found the sight of him being violently jerked to the ground like a cartoon dog on a leash amusing. The shock of the sudden force from the now taut chain and the ensuing tug of war between Bob and my neck caused me to black out for a few seconds. I'm not sure how, but I managed to free myself and GTFO post haste. My dad walked outside to find me beating the make the beast with two backs out of Bob with quite possibly the largest stick ever wielded by an 8 year old. I didn't even have so much as a scratch on me, so he didn't believe my story and proceeded to wear my ass out.


make the beast with two backs goats.

Wow. That's a good one. [popcorn] Sounded like Bob needed a good stick thumpin'. Instead it sounds like you got one. After my ass whipping I would have gut shot the bastard with a .22 when no one was looking. >:( Please tell us this has a happy ending with something horrible befalling Bob the devil goat. ;D

That's a hell of a goat story.

Damn.. hey maybe u shld buy me a lotto ticket.. with your luck id prob win..

and here i thought some barnyard shenanigans was going on and the goats husband came home early hahaha
i like your story better  ;D

I was wondering about the goat as well...great story. Assaulted by a goat and survived, only to have your ass beat by your dad for retaliating!  [laugh]

I'd also buy a lottery ticket. You have way more luck than most people!

Haha what he said!

You get choked out by the devil goat, then, you get your ass beat by pops.  Devil goat must of been smiling as he watched you get beat, and not just any smile, that master mind smile with hooves clasped. 

see your father knew that you needed to be taught a lesson, don't mess with goats tied to a fence there is a reason they are not roaming around free.  [laugh]

<Drums>
DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH

<Cue this guys voice>
(http://www.colonelscrypt.com/Interviews/Keith%20David/KeithDavidPic.jpg)

If somebody wrote a book about your life
Would anybody want to read it?

Timmy Tucker,

could you please move away from me?  i don't want to be anywhere close to you when you have to add the next item to the list. Damn!  you are LUCKY!

btw, how goes it on the bike?  no bike stories?

I'm on the other side of the country from you, so you're probably safe. Probably.  [laugh]

We are currently in the middle of a fairly hefty storm. Tornado watch for 4.5 more hours and and flood watch got upgraded to a flood warning in the last hour or 2. Never seen this much water around town. The creek that runs thru town is at the banks already, many of the streets are 6"-12" deep in places and we haven't even got into the serious part of the storm yet. Glad I live on a hill, except for all the cloud to ground lightning.  [thumbsdown]

It never make the beast with two backsing ends, I tell you.  [bang]

As far as the bike goes, 1 little highside only, no damage to me or my gear. Only cost me a shifter and had to get the rearset welded back together.

I almost got some lightening again today.  Took out a transformer on a pole about 15 feet away.  Was spooky.

JM

I'm surprised no one has called BS yet.

Bob Saget?
Why does he have a goat story too?

Frankly, I'm pretty surprised myself. The more I read it, the less believable it sounds. 

That goat sound worse than my Shetland pony.



But only a little worse. Some times I wonder if he got made into glue....

make the beast with two backs horses too. We had horses for about 13-14 years. They are only slightly less evil than goats. No good stories of my own, but I've had several friends hurt real bad by 'em though.

No, I vote for lottery tickets.  These stories can only be improved with a sudden, large windfall.  For example:
"My prizewinning labradoodle attempted to stab me" or "my pet monkeys have been running a ponzi scheme, and tried to get me to invest.  Fool me once, monkeys, shame on me.."

 [laugh] [laugh] [laugh]