Ducati Monster Forum

powered by:

September 30, 2022, 09:20:45 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: Tapatalk users...click me
 
   Home   Help Search Login Register  



Pages: 1 [2] 3   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: I shouldn't waste money on lottery tickets...  (Read 12565 times)
Timmy Tucker
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 702


Banninated


« Reply #15 on: February 27, 2011, 11:11:58 AM »

With luck like this you really should consider hitting on hot women with huge pissed off looking boyfriends.

 laughingdp laughingdp laughingdp

The last girl I seriously pursued was dating a guy that was 6'5"/250 full time bouncer/amateur MMA fighter. I'm 5'10", was 180 at the time and couldn't take down a drunk Raggedy Ann doll. I worked on her for months until she finally dumped him and I immediately lost interest.



Goats are the debil

About the goat...

My grandfather always kept goats around because he was partially paralyzed by a stroke and couldn't mow the lawn. He didn't have much grass anyway, so 1-2 goats could keep the whole yard trimmed. He had this one particular goat that was evil incarnate. His name was Bob, but the family called him BeelzeBob.  I didn't really understand what that meant at the time. He stayed tied to the fence with about 20ft of swingset chain, due to his apparent lack of people skills.

We were there for our summer visit when I was about 8 and I decided to go check out the new goat. Bob was standing there beside the fence pretending that he was grazing, but he was actually devising a swift and terrible plan. I got about 5-10 feet from him and he set his plan into motion, hitting me in the gut and knocking the wind out of me. I landed on my ass sitting upright and had ahold of his horns trying to stop him from headbutting me. Needless to say, it turned into a full fledged PRCA sponsored rodeo in about .2 seconds.

During the ruckus, Bob managed to spin us both around a complete 360 degrees, wrapping his chain around my neck. At this point I yelled for help and Bob saw his golden window of opportunity. Pretending to be startled by my screams, he bolted as fast as he could away from me until he ran out of chain. It caught so hard that it jerked his feet out from under him, and I still remember that even in the midst of what was happening, I found the sight of him being violently jerked to the ground like a cartoon dog on a leash amusing. The shock of the sudden force from the now taut chain and the ensuing tug of war between Bob and my neck caused me to black out for a few seconds. I'm not sure how, but I managed to free myself and GTFO post haste. My dad walked outside to find me beating the make the beast with two backs out of Bob with quite possibly the largest stick ever wielded by an 8 year old. I didn't even have so much as a scratch on me, so he didn't believe my story and proceeded to wear my ass out.


make the beast with two backs goats.





Logged

1999 M750 - "Piggy"
2007 S4RS
fastwin
She pointed and laughed at my
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 4650

tap, rack, bang


« Reply #16 on: February 27, 2011, 12:28:26 PM »

Wow. That's a good one. popcorn Sounded like Bob needed a good stick thumpin'. Instead it sounds like you got one. After my ass whipping I would have gut shot the bastard with a .22 when no one was looking. Angry Please tell us this has a happy ending with something horrible befalling Bob the devil goat. Grin
Logged

I plan to list the Federal Gov't. as a dependent on my next 1040 tax filing!

I have flying honey badgers and I'm not afraid to use them!

The fact that flame throwers exist is proof that someone somewhere said "I'd sure like to set those people over there on fire but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."

CONFIDENCE: the feeling you have right before you understand the situation.
zarn02
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 2642



« Reply #17 on: February 27, 2011, 12:46:06 PM »

That's a hell of a goat story.
Logged

"If it weren't for our gallows humor, we'd have nothing to hang our hopes on."
cokey
hey take a look @ my
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 2085



« Reply #18 on: February 27, 2011, 12:47:50 PM »

Damn.. hey maybe u shld buy me a lotto ticket.. with your luck id prob win..
Logged

I WIN
Quote from: my wife
Ok babe I surrender to u.  U may work me out till I drop

About the goat...
 His name was Bob, but the family called him BeelzeBob. 
make the beast with two backs goats.
hadesducati848
your sisters love my
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 829


1998 R1 (sold) 2009 848


« Reply #19 on: February 27, 2011, 04:04:42 PM »


About the goat...

My grandfather always kept goats around because he was partially paralyzed by a stroke and couldn't mow the lawn. He didn't have much grass anyway, so 1-2 goats could keep the whole yard trimmed. He had this one particular goat that was evil incarnate. His name was Bob, but the family called him BeelzeBob.  I didn't really understand what that meant at the time. He stayed tied to the fence with about 20ft of swingset chain, due to his apparent lack of people skills.

We were there for our summer visit when I was about 8 and I decided to go check out the new goat. Bob was standing there beside the fence pretending that he was grazing, but he was actually devising a swift and terrible plan. I got about 5-10 feet from him and he set his plan into motion, hitting me in the gut and knocking the wind out of me. I landed on my ass sitting upright and had ahold of his horns trying to stop him from headbutting me. Needless to say, it turned into a full fledged PRCA sponsored rodeo in about .2 seconds.

During the ruckus, Bob managed to spin us both around a complete 360 degrees, wrapping his chain around my neck. At this point I yelled for help and Bob saw his golden window of opportunity. Pretending to be startled by my screams, he bolted as fast as he could away from me until he ran out of chain. It caught so hard that it jerked his feet out from under him, and I still remember that even in the midst of what was happening, I found the sight of him being violently jerked to the ground like a cartoon dog on a leash amusing. The shock of the sudden force from the now taut chain and the ensuing tug of war between Bob and my neck caused me to black out for a few seconds. I'm not sure how, but I managed to free myself and GTFO post haste. My dad walked outside to find me beating the make the beast with two backs out of Bob with quite possibly the largest stick ever wielded by an 8 year old. I didn't even have so much as a scratch on me, so he didn't believe my story and proceeded to wear my ass out.


make the beast with two backs goats.



and here i thought some barnyard shenanigans was going on and the goats husband came home early hahaha
i like your story better  Grin
Logged

it is so much easier to get forgiveness then it will ever be to get permission.
Triple J
Guest
« Reply #20 on: February 28, 2011, 08:22:35 AM »

I was wondering about the goat as well...great story. Assaulted by a goat and survived, only to have your ass beat by your dad for retaliating!  laughingdp

I'd also buy a lottery ticket. You have way more luck than most people!
Logged
bulldogs2k
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 514


« Reply #21 on: February 28, 2011, 08:38:08 AM »

I was wondering about the goat as well...great story. Assaulted by a goat and survived, only to have your ass beat by your dad for retaliating!  laughingdp

I'd also buy a lottery ticket. You have way more luck than most people!

Haha what he said!

You get choked out by the devil goat, then, you get your ass beat by pops.  Devil goat must of been smiling as he watched you get beat, and not just any smile, that master mind smile with hooves clasped. 
Logged
sbrguy
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 1627


« Reply #22 on: February 28, 2011, 08:46:27 AM »

see your father knew that you needed to be taught a lesson, don't mess with goats tied to a fence there is a reason they are not roaming around free.  laughingdp
Logged
JEFF_H
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 1219



WWW
« Reply #23 on: February 28, 2011, 09:17:29 AM »

<Drums>
DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH

<Cue this guys voice>


If somebody wrote a book about your life
Would anybody want to read it?
« Last Edit: February 28, 2011, 09:20:43 AM by JEFF_H » Logged
r_ciao
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 924


My first Ducati.


« Reply #24 on: February 28, 2011, 10:28:03 AM »

Timmy Tucker,

could you please move away from me?  i don't want to be anywhere close to you when you have to add the next item to the list. Damn!  you are LUCKY!

btw, how goes it on the bike?  no bike stories?

Logged

'09 Monster 696+ Red, of course.
EvoTech Tail Tidy, SpeedyMoto frame sliders, 14T front sprocket
Timmy Tucker
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 702


Banninated


« Reply #25 on: February 28, 2011, 11:50:44 AM »

Timmy Tucker,

could you please move away from me?  i don't want to be anywhere close to you when you have to add the next item to the list. Damn!  you are LUCKY!

btw, how goes it on the bike?  no bike stories?




I'm on the other side of the country from you, so you're probably safe. Probably.  laughingdp

We are currently in the middle of a fairly hefty storm. Tornado watch for 4.5 more hours and and flood watch got upgraded to a flood warning in the last hour or 2. Never seen this much water around town. The creek that runs thru town is at the banks already, many of the streets are 6"-12" deep in places and we haven't even got into the serious part of the storm yet. Glad I live on a hill, except for all the cloud to ground lightning.  boo

It never make the beast with two backsing ends, I tell you.  bang head

As far as the bike goes, 1 little highside only, no damage to me or my gear. Only cost me a shifter and had to get the rearset welded back together.
Logged

1999 M750 - "Piggy"
2007 S4RS
the_Journeyman
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 9181


Molly & Syreena, the Italian mistresses


« Reply #26 on: February 28, 2011, 04:54:09 PM »

I almost got some lightening again today.  Took out a transformer on a pole about 15 feet away.  Was spooky.

JM
Logged

Got Torque?
ADULT TRUTHS

10. Bad decisions make good stories.
hbliam
Guest
« Reply #27 on: February 28, 2011, 04:56:09 PM »

I'm surprised no one has called BS yet.
Logged
lethe
Post Whore
******
Offline Offline

Posts: 12662



« Reply #28 on: February 28, 2011, 04:57:51 PM »

I'm surprised no one has called BS yet.
Bob Saget?
Why does he have a goat story too?
Logged

'05 Monster 620
'86 FZ600
'05 KTM SMC 625
Timmy Tucker
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 702


Banninated


« Reply #29 on: February 28, 2011, 06:15:41 PM »

I'm surprised no one has called BS yet.

Frankly, I'm pretty surprised myself. The more I read it, the less believable it sounds. 
Logged

1999 M750 - "Piggy"
2007 S4RS
Pages: 1 [2] 3   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  


Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2015, Simple Machines
Simple Audio Video Embedder
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
SimplePortal 2.1.1