Ducati Monster Forum

Went 4-wheeling and camping this weekend in the mountains of SW VA.  Got to the usual campsite, set up the tents, fire etc.  All the while noticing the ridiculous number and variety of spiders occupying every square moving foot of ground.  Last year I found a black widow under my tent.

Deep woods OFF...... Check!

A few hours later, my friend came back from a short ride on his ATV.  He asked if we heard or saw "it"?  Saw what, we axed??  "The freaking 300 lb black bear that they scared off towards our general direction....."  Greaaaat! 

Short barreled bear repellent......Check!

We cooked some ribeyes with mushrooms and home fries, s'mores for dessert washed down with probably one too many beers.  "Tomorrow morning is going to suck when nature calls", was a good portion of the campfire conversation.......

About 2 am I was awakened by a familiar rumbling........DAMMIIIIIIIIIIT!   [bang] [bang]






Anyone else caught off guard by an ill-timed bathroom fiasco?

There is one particular brand of Yogurt i LOVE because its tangy and sweet. Its a spanish bodega brand in pina colada flavor. Absolute best. Anyway, the morning of my first trackday, we went to target to pick up some snacks for the whole day. It was about 115degrees that day sunny end of June. Freaking Heatwave of 2010 if anyone remember how bad that one was.

So we check in about 7am, and the noobie group was on the track around 9am shortly after. At about 830 during the safety briefing, I'm snacking on this off brand (actually in this case, im used to off brand, but this was name brand) yogurt.  Just to let it be clear, i am very lactose intolerant. The sight of milk makes me a poo machine, but there are for some reason certain things i can have like the bodega yogurt.

So I'm feeling very very light headed the second we step on the track. I suck it up and figure im just having the jitters. We make a slow 3-4 laps around the track. What was really only 18 minutes felt like an hour going in a meaningless 40mph circle.

The second I got off the bike. I damned myself for getting a size 40 suit. For the life of me I couldnt get it off fast enough. You know that feeling of holding in your piss when your jigginling your keys at the door. You didnt have to pee that badly up the block, but the closer you get to home, the more your ready to just soak your pants in whatever.

I'm running to the bathroom and I'm just about to shit my 1 piece suit. I cant even lie to you how difficult it was to simultaneously hold my shit in, run and try to get my arms out of my suit. By the time I got to the front of the bathroom, i got the suit off but it was dragging on the floor and there was no way i was going to let my brand new Teknic suit drag on poopycock. I grab a 50 gallon garbage bag wrap that sucker up and just barely saved myself from shitting my pants.

i have not eaten yogurt since that day.

Not really the worst place, rather the worst I ever had to go:

A co-worker and I were making our way back to MN on I-35 after a week-long work trip to Lawrence, KS.

Much beer was drank on said trip, and our diet wasn't exactly the best the entire time we were there.

Somewhere in deepest, bleakest southern Iowa, my innards began to signal their discontent. "make the beast with two backs," I thought, feeling the churn. No sign of civilization whatsoever.

Miles pass. Then more. In the meantime The Clench of the Buttocks is reaching "bolt cutter" mode. I tell my co-pilot I need to shit. Bad. As in, 'we might be pulling over alongside the make the beast with two backsing interstate and I spray the ditch' bad.

Then we see a 'gas ahead' sign approach. Only a few miles. Sweat pops on my brow.

I take the exit, storming into the derelict gas station like a dirt track stocker on crack, skidding to a stop in the gravel by the pumps. I fling the door open and run. My co-worker can hardly stop laughing as he begins to pump gas while I sprint inside, past the disinterested middle-aged troll in an aged tank top working the counter, to the rest rooms.

My legs trembled as I slammed the dirty stall door shut, and dropped my pants. I didn't even hit the seat, and the deluge began. The bathroom was nasty, like something out of a horror film, but I persevered while hovering, adding my own touch of destruction. The stench was unbearable.

I met my traveling companion at the pump and said we better get the make the beast with two backs out of here before they check the rest room.

And we were gone.

Roxbury

I just woke up my wife I laughed so hard......keep them coming!

you shouldnt be laughing at others misfortunes. had any of these stories happned litterally 5 seconds later, there would be shit everywhere.....litterally. LOL i kid.

Really?  Is this you coming out about your poo fetish?  Or are you just setting the stage to talk about Myles' exploits after Christmas?

Ramyeh, in Lebanon.  We were on patrol, and I had some bug.  Latrine on the ad hoc base was basically a hole in the ground with a seat over it.  About 5 years of "work" lying in the pit below.  Toxic waste dump. 

A portapotty WAY overdue for a servicing at Gowan Field Idaho in 110 degree heat after eating army chow & MRE's for a week.

Something kind of similar to that when I was down in Niger.  Won't go into too many details, but we'll just say that your nasal hairs were being singed from about a hundred meters away...

Camping is always one for the books.   I was up in Oregon camping with some buddies.  We hadn't seen anyone else for at least 3 days.  Coincidently I hadn't shit for 3 days either.  I knew it was coming just didn't know when.   I wake up one morning about 8 and it was time.  I ran into the forest ready to go.  Kind of forgot which direction we had designated to go in. Whatever no time to think just go.  I am sitting there doing my thing and all of a sudden about 20 ft off a car drives by.  I went a little too far off to the right and got close to the road. fuuuuuck   I was praying they kept driving and weren't going to set up camp near us.  I think the passengers in the back saw me, but hard to tell with the tinted windows.

I was never in Maradi or Zinder,  It wasn't me.

Another one, from today actually.  Not sure what I ate but my insides were in pain.  I ran to the bathroom in the sporting goods store we were in.  First stall is kinda dirty.  Try the other one and it is locked.  Weird, I didn't hear anyone else.  Whatever I go back to the first, clean it up a little and sit down.  It is silent.  You could hear a pin drop.  There was no store music in the bathroom.  I am thinking why did they lock the stall.  Either that or this guy is super quiet.  So I kind of bend down and look, sure enough someone was there.  Wow he was quiet.  All of a sudden he lets out a big sigh.  Then back to silence.  I honestly got stage fright and creeped out a little bit.  I didn't even go.  Just left and told my wife I had to get home pronto.

No worries.  This one was a bit more than just a hole in the ground.  It was an actual toilet, but the entire HQ of the Nigerien air force used it.  It was in a concrete walled building, with a tin roof and no windows, and only had enough running water for one flush every two days.  Couple that with the fact that it was 130 degrees in the shade and...   [puke]

Hurricane Gustav

95mph down some blue hwy between galviston and texarkana

with a vent pt and and a BKA less than an hour old

into a sharps container

fml

why do i keep thinking someone is going to chime in with "diarrhea chacha cha"  ;D

anywayysss.. who's myles & why isnt rgramjet telling us about his exploits yet? :)

Any Airplane toilet...... they are not designed to accommodate anything bigger than an anorexic dwarf

Once did a 4 day business trip/bender to San Fran...pigged out on Fisherman's Wharf...swam through gallons of wine in Napa and Sonoma..... way too much booze and sketchy seafood

Flight back was bad....could feel and hear the ugly intestinal evidence of my debauchery doing high-speed drifts through the loops and turns of my intestines

actually managed to get enough of a squat going in the toilet back by the food galley to unleash the Kraken

I think the in-flight meal service was delayed for an hour while the flight attendants waited in the front of the plane for the stink and potentially explosive methane cloud to dissipate

I could hear passengers in the rear seating groaning and cursing in disgust

Other than that signature 30,000 foot achievement in my life,,, I have crapped in public bathroom sinks and wall urinals when I have deemed the toilet

unworthy of my spoor

2 train from Manhattan to Brooklyn, home sweet home at the time. Only this time home was too far.

Must have eaten something bad earlier that day and my stomach was just starting to let me know right when I was getting on the train to go home but I was sure I could make it. Now I'm sure everyone knows about the stomach pains that are associated with soft serve and over the years I've realized that you get 3 "contractions" before it all ends in a sea of brown.

Three stops before the tunnel to Brooklyn I get the first contraction, not too bad but worrisome.

One stop before the tunnel to Brooklyn I get the second contraction. This one was worse, I think I was dilated about 6cm.

At this point I'm worrying, one more and I'm done. Fingers are crossed and I'm pacing to take my mind off of the ensuing carnage.

Halfway through the tunnel the third contraction starts, I freak out and I head to the only place I can. The passage between two cars. I drop my pants and precede to grease the tracks.

Thankfully for me it was about 4:30am so no one was really on the train and it was winter so I happened to have one of those small packs of tissue in my bag.

And this is where the phrase "feels like the number 2 train is pulling in to a local stop" comes from. For anyone who isn't a NY'er, the number 2 train is an express train. It just wasn't going fast enough.

^^^ Damn a subway crap is nothing short of heroic stuff!! (exempting the homeless people dumps inside the safety of the cars)

did you have a foot on each end-platform or did you commit to one car platform?

technique is important

Ummm... wtf did you just say?!  [laugh]


Okay, so those of you who know me, know I'm a preschool teacher.  (I bought the 999 to butch up a little  ;) )

So, I'm the only guy out of 130+ women, besides one of the PC's.

Cafeteria food one day.

Uh-oh...  This could get ugly real quick.

Can't go to the teacher's lounge.

Can't go to the restroom in the office.

Certainly cannot use the classroom toilet.

The Cafe is just across the driveway and they have a clean bathroom that is always empty.

I hope I can make it to my 10 minute break in an hour.

Pressure is building...

Starting to hurt...

Oh, NO!!!  I have to change a kid's poopy diaper... Okay, maybe this could work out.

Changing the diaper, clench my cheeks, release a little gas to ease the pressure... this could be bad.  Success!  The stench of the kid's offending pair of Huggies masks my own!

Break time!!!  I try to walk casually out the door, down the hall, through the office.  As soon as I'm out the door, I bolt across the street...  Swipe my badge through the reader, door unlocks, I'm in... Down the stairs, around the corner, into the Men's room, push the stall door...

FUUUUUCK!!!!!   It's locked...  No, wait... It opens outward, 'cuz it's handicapped accessible!  I pull open the door, turn around, lock it, check the seat, drop trou, park it, and...

AAAAAAAHHHHH....   sweet relief!!!  The thing had to be three feet long, if it was an inch.  :P

I stopped into the cafe to get a bottle of Mountain Dew as an excuse for going to the cafe.   ;)




[bacon]

Had to commit to one platform and perform the "hang".

yeah I was thinking that ......otherwise with the train in motion it would have been hell trying to balance and relax

I've pissed between cars when we have been stuck at signals....... but never do that directly down on to the tracks you don't want to connect a stream with the 3rd rail

sorry, chart speak is a bad habit

A patient on a ventilator

and

a post operation below-the-knee amputee

just out of surgery

we were doing a code-3 hospital evacuation because hurricane gustave was about an hour out from galviston

and

wasn't turning as had been predicted

"What ever you do, don't cross the streams!"

ah...  [thumbsup]




[bacon]

First week in Korea, we all went to "mud fest."

A long day on the beach in the heat, eating dodgy street-meat, and slamming a ridiculous amount of soju.

The only bathrooms were the native squatters, and none of them included toilet paper.

Miraculously managed to find my gastrointestinal zen garden and wait till the bus took us back home, where I unleashed the horror.

I've shat in the woods during a thunderstorm, in a pit, in my pants, out of a moving vehicle, almost out of a flying vehicle and with such toxicity that I probably should have filed paperwork with the EPA.

So what? My experience is that the worse the dump, the more religious the experience.

Also, I have a 3 and 5 year old and I think they've inured me to shit. Seriously people, it's just shit.

As the good book says: "everyone poops"

Ditto with barfing.

Yeah, but the stories are what makes it fun. Thats why they wrote a book about it.

Squatting in the bush in the cold and damp while waiting for a recovery crew after just putting a vehicle into a ditch, glanced around to see half a dozen leeches homing in on the warmth from my nether regions, got those pants back up real quick.

duc750 wins.  Greasing the rails now has a new meaning for me.

I tossed on the R train deck once.  But squatting on the deck is heroic.

During my tour to Korea it was "mandatory" for everyone to visit the DMZ.  A hot, stinky 3+ hour bus ride from Kunsan...Lunch was served at the most northern Army post cafeteria.  After lunch we were taken to the clubhouse of what has been labeled "World's Most Dangerous Golf Course", a 1-hole putting green just yards from the mine field that keeps us from them and them from us.

While browsing in the clubhouse I feel the familiar rumblings.  Then the sweats start, not the "Oh gosh, it's hot" sweats but the cold sweats everyone knows accompanies the feelings of imminent doom.

Just as I was looking to the rest room through the crowd of 50 other GIs I hear the guide say the bus is leaving in 5 minutes.  I burst into the stall and struggle with the dress uniform to free the clasp on the pants.  Taking note of the time I now have 4 minutes...

The agony lasted for what seemed like hours and just would not stop.  Numerous times telling myself I was done and about to get up when it would start again.  2 minutes remaining.

Finally, I prepared myself to exit the bathroom and walked into an empty clubhouse.  Panic came over me as I hoped to God the bus was still there.  I walked outside and saw the guide give me the look that said "we are all waiting on you..." 

Getting on the bus, a couple buddies snicker ask if I am ok since I was looking a little pale.  Just told them to be glad we got out of there before anyone else had to use the stall!

and not a drop on the dress blues?

When I was growing up, we didn't have running water or indoor plumbing until I was a teenager.  On a winter evening when it was -20F and the door to the outhouse had blown open allowed a large drift of snow to cover the seat - lets just say it gives one a great appreciation of indoor plumbing and warm bathrooms.

1995 at this dirty little punk rock club in Ft. Worth, called The Engine Room to see Pennywise.  I made the mistake of eating Taco Bell before hand.  Sometime during one of the opening acts, I started getting the cramps.  I decided to do a shitter recon at that point and was less than impressed.  There were 2 bathrooms.  One had a stall with a non-working toilet.  The other had a working toilet but was wide open for all the world to see.  That ain't happening.  I'm starting to get desperate now but I really didn't want to use either option I had inside.  So, I go to the door and the guy says if I go out I can't come back in.  I tell the guy I really need to get my medication out of the car and he finally relents.  I'm dangerously close to assplosion right now.  I'm walking with my cheeks clenched tight enough to make a diamond until I get to the alley, out of the door guy's vision and then I speedwalk over to the dumpsters.  I barely had my pants down before I'm painting the wall.  Oh man, it was foul.  Pennywise made it an awesome night despite all that, though.

I have certain stomach issues. When I was a teenager, I took a medication called "Accutane" that apparently has destroyed my intestines in some way...I actually have an appointment coming up to find out more about it. Regardless, when I have to go, my body usually gives me about 30 seconds notice before total destruction. I've become somewhat of a pro at the "scout as you go" method of restroom reconnaissance. My eyes are constantly scouting as I'm driving for a 7-11 or a bush that would provide adequate cover. Everytime I enter a store, I immediately locate the sign pointing out the "library", as my wife now calls it for code.

It's a miserable existance...but it's mine.


Before I moved last year, I lived it a decent size city in north Texas. I lived in this great neighborhood with pretty streets, and well kept yards, and wooden fences. The only problem was, coming home there was a good 5-10 minutes of driving through residental streets. No businesses. No wilderness. Just well kept front yards.

One afternoon, my wife and I had gone out for an early dinner, as we were expected somewhere later that evening...Don't remember where. We road our bicycles that day as it was a nice 75 degrees out in the early evening. We left the restraunt and I was feeling great...passed through the retail part of town and still feeling great...hit the residental part of town and --rumble--. At this point I wasn't that far from home. Probably equal distance back. Start scouting  :-[. Now the problem with this area of town on this particular day was....everyone was home...and out side. Walking dogs and playing with kids in the yard. There was no way I was going to be able to dart off and hid behind some tulips. I was screwed. At this point...I'm still about 12 blocks from home --rumblerumblerumble--. I'm sweating, and I've picked up the pace. The wife doesn't know whats going on yet and assumes I'm just being an ass cause she was trying to enjoy the ride home. ---RUMBLE---RUMMMMBURMUBJURMBURMRU. 4 blocks to go...dead sprint. 3 blocks--2 blocks--1 block and GAME...I could see my front door when I ran out of strength.

 :'(

Straight to the bathroom. Had to throw away my jeans and my boxers. Into the the shower to wash off and clean up. Clean clothes...then outside to get my bike and explain to the wife what had happend. Of course, she had figured it out....and I'm pretty sure she was trying not to laugh at me. I went ahead and gave the bike a bath too...it hadn't got any "damage" but I couldn't live with it knowing what had happend without washing it.


So there you go...my worst place ever....on a bike  [laugh]

and I just told the world about it on the internet  ;D

^^^^ Damn^^^^   

So for you,,, there is no such thing as passing the casual fart huh?....

unless you are feeling adventurous

and decide to play a game of Rectal Roulette

wow man I am sorry ....that condition has to suck

for me as a 7 yo kid...I was at a formal dinner at the Officers Club with my grandfather at Andrews AFB. Off the main dining room where the live jazz band was playing, there was the main restrooms which had an entry alcove for pre or post activities and then a huge long row of urinals...now in retrospect, there were probably only 20, but it seemed like there had to be 40 or more. It was so long, and no sight of the stalls, that I assumed there were none ( they were actually all the way at the end around the corner, was a compliment of many, just backing up to the wall of the urinals). I had to go bad,and as a kid you wear your lil suit and you don't want to mess it up or anything, especially being far from home. So, snap decision is made. I drop trou and try and figure out how to hop up backwards into the urinal to lay my load, as the urinal was the V-shaped kind that was adult height. Once I get situated, I start to unleash to a nervous relief, when the coat room attendant walks in and backs up. He tried to act as cool as he could and sort of stood guard at the gate for me, as it were. I finish up, but now have to wipe. Pants still at my knees, I realize I have to hop out of my predicament and waddle nervously across the room. I grab the paper towels and wipe and practically wash my backside putting all my waste in the can. I flushed the urinal kind of pointlessly, but felt compelled to do it as being the right thing to do. As I leave the bathroom, the coatroom attendant asked if I was okay, and I embarrasingly say yes and thank you.

I rejoined my family for the very nice dinner and did not go back to the bathroom out of embarrasement more than anything. It was a big deal for me at the time to go the AOC for dinner with my Grandparents, to whom I always gave the utmost of respect. On the way out the door, my mom was getting her coat and the attendant looked at me and gave me a wink as of to say it was okay and that my secret was safe with him.

I guess it's something you get used to after a while.

The two biggest things are...I can't wake up in the morning and just leave. If I'm going somewhere, I always wake up atleast a couple hours before I need to leave the house. Coffee is dangerous. I don't think I have to explain.

The other...If we eat dinner at a restraunt, I usually finish eating...then hang out and chat at the table for another 30 minutes or so. Just incase.

I generally don't eat snacks or have drinks in the car.

the worst place I ever had to go is quite simply war.It simply put is the most hideous thing you can imagine multiply it a million fold add filth,disease,smells, intense fear,blood,horror,noise,cold,heat,hunger,thirst,sleep depravation,and you have some idea. I do not glorify it in any way, I loathe it. I am not a warrior, I am a human who would prefer to spend her time in her garden laughing and cooking with family and friends. There never has been,never will be,anything good about war despite what hollywood and some people may say. Those that say they love it are either twisted in some way or have never been.
Erica.
 

You done?

Um, this is a thread about poop.  Please don't muddy it up.






 ;D

Your condition sounds very familiar to my brother. He does the same scouting the area and is always packing wipes on him. Know you are not alone. I am going to ask him about that drug though, because it is too similar to your story.

during the last few feet of the mad dash and frantic blind search for the belt buckle

I always hear INXS "Devil Inside"

it makes me  [laugh]

Thanks. I appreciate it.

I guess I'm glad I told the internets my embarrassing story  [laugh]

Other than the fact that it's pretty damn funny, I've got a couple suggestions for medications to take....which is great. Of course, I can never look any of you in the eye anymore when I meet you  [laugh]

Well you can rest assured there will be money exchanging hands when you make the dash

if you're with this crew

butt....we like shitting in YOUR thread !!!....LOL

hooray for lactose intolerance!

there have been many stiff legged sprints, near misses, more misses than i care to talk about, and lots of mind blowing relief felt due to my body refusing to put up with lactose.
I was about 12 when i learned, as rat pointed out, to never trust a fart. shortly afterwards i learned what was wrong with me.

one of my faves is this...
i was going back to brooklyn from philly carrying about 4 million pounds of canned goods because my mother refused to let me leave without it. seriously, i had 2 hockey bags filled with food and clothes. on the A down to brooklyn it hit and i tried as hard as i could to fight it. i step off around canal when i realized i could not hold out any longer. of all places, freaking chinatown to try and find a bathroom. i accepted that i would not be relieving myself in the cleanest of places. i step off the train and lo and behold there is a restroom on the platform! I get to it and it's locked, "for employees only." My mind is racing trying to think of the closest place above ground that would have a public restroom. my arms hurt from carrying my bags. there is no way i'm going to make it to a bathroom with the bags. Platform is too crowded to jump off and do my business. so i dropped my bags and told the guy behind the glass that i would be right back as i needed to find a bathroom. yeah, that would keep my stuff right there. the bathroom i eventually found had about an inch of water on the floor with "stuff" floating in it. i felt like i was catchign a disease already. i let loose and in my post assplosion relief my legs went weak and i collapsed onto the seat. i just had to sit there for a couple of minutes before i could move again. get back to the subway and the guy is outright laughing at me and giving me a horrible look of disdain. i told him to make the beast with two backs off and got my stuff which amazingly hadn't been touched.

worst-
the porta-potty at La Ducati Day.

and i just had to take a leak.

On the 7th Ave line...W4th Street/Chris Square station....stenciled on the wall in faded black paint " For Bathrooms Use Stairs At End Of Platform"

Judging from the humid summer stench there is no doubt that many people followed those instructions to the T

but did you?

 [puke]
Jebus. How do any of you people live in NYC?!

I have pissed in damn near every setting imaginable in NYC except a precinct

once stood in the middle of an intersection of 5th Ave up in the 80's where the intersections are only 3 way because of the park...and directed my stream in accordance with the traffic light

To the cheers honking and laughter of many people

and to the horror of my brother, his girlfriend and her friend she brought along for me to meet

your poop has a soundtrack  [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh]

yes a song sung by a guy who was rumored to have hung himself while rubbing one out...

auto-erotic asphyxiation has its downsides

[laugh] [laugh] [laugh]
 [clap]

never pissed in the middle of an intersection, good thinking going with the lights. you're just helping out that way.

yes I am done....oops! I misread the subject title line. I apologise.
Worst place ever going potty was in India. Open hole in the floor, coupled with 100*+ heat made a disgusting place to go potty.

 [clap]  [clap]  [clap]

I seem to (hazily) recall a buddy and I whizzing into a giant potted Christmas tree on a busy downtown street corner in my hometown one night close to said holiday, much to the delight of other drunken passers-by. Turns out one of the mobile audience knew my Mom, and laughingly told her of the debacle the next week at work.

So much for my lily-white reputation with Mom.  ;)

 [thumbsup]
THAT'S more like it!

[thumbsup]

I must admit I feel right at home in this Thread, I have a rather sensitive system, we don't know what set's
it off, I've had a number of checks and test's, and still none the wiser why my systems will be fine one minute
and the next minute I'm running to the Can 3 or 4 times during the evening with a case of the Squirts!

Most memorable was 12 months ago, I moved from Cairns in North Queensland Australia to Launceston in Tasmania
so a 4000k trip, spread over 4 days, 3rd day into the trip and my systems has been behaving itself, considering the diet has not been the best, and eating at all sorts of weird times and places, but anyway I am getting close to the border of New South Wales and Victoria, middle of no where. I get the familiar cramp in the belly. quickly I ask the Sat Nav where the nearest public restroom is located,

about 100k's away, Shit!  [bang]

So thankfully I had packed a Toilet roll in the car, it was then that I realized I had packed it under all the stuff in the back of the car, buried in beside the Spare Tire!  :o

So I am in the middle of Bushland on a pretty quiet back road, so I pull over and frantically start unpacking the Trunk of the car, find the hidden Treasure of Toilet paper and hastily repacking the car as fast as I could, all the while straining like I have never strained in my life to contain the brown Demon within.

Car closed up, I lock the car, keys in pocket, I run into the scrub about 20 meters from the road, a quick scan around looking for any roving eyes about to witness a horror that will scar them for life, no one is around, I drop the Jeans and in the Immortal words of Russell Crowe in the Movie Gladiator "At my Signal, unleash hell"
There are bugs flying around, sharp sticks and prickles, all the while worried that the few passing cars that are on this backroad, some poor soul will get concerned by a little Hyundai Getz parked on the side of the road and:
A: Decide to stop and see if I need any assistance, walk into the scrub and then I'm paying for some bastard to go to Therapy
B: They decide to stop, trash the car and make off with the Contents.
or
C: Take a Shot at the car and then I'm Driving into the Police state that is Victoria with Gunshot scars on my Car.
"No officer, there not Gunshot holes, there Speed holes!"

But thankfully none of that happened, I finished up, cleaned up and walked away vowing to never look back!

Sad part is, I get back to the car, use enough hand sanitizer to drown someone, get my composure and then drive off.
I get back up to highway speed and drive over the next rise, and there are some public Restrooms!  [bang]
Barely 30 seconds beyond where I just was, but because they were on the other side of a rise in the road, I couldn't see them, and the damn TomTom didn't know about them.

Bet that tree will never be the same though  [laugh]

Long story short:
5 days of Korean food in Korea  :P
driving on interstate with former student
emergency stop at a nursery school
took a dump in the kids' toilet which was the size of a Dixie cup.

Not one of my finer moments.   :-[

Miles is my dog.   He seems to be VERY allergic to steak.  Someone gave him a bunch on New Years Eve, unbeknownst to me.  6-7 large smelly cowpies of carnivore diarrhea does not make for a good first day of the year experience.

Thank God I missed stumbling into one or all of the landmines as I meandered to the bathroom at least twice that night/morning.

happy new year.

Right after high-school I was transplanted to a  remote town.  The toilet for #2 was a hole and having grown up in city, I never had to use that.  I could not go for about four days.  Just could not.  Finally, a buddy of mine arrived to the town but was staying in a nice hotel, I visited him and promptly used the normal modern  f'n toilet.  The bestest ever !!!!

The worst was f'n holding it in for approx.  four days !  I just could not go.  

I'll answer for my girlfriend -

Artful's house when he's repairing the 50 year old plumbing and his dumb ass forgot the last union joint he needed to hook the cold water back up and he just took a dump.

"What do you mean go in there?!? It's been pre-pooped in!"

four days?!  :o
holy hell. i would be one cantakerous son of a pregnant dog.

i'm not happy if i go a day without dropping the kids off.

I've always had an obstinate intestinal tract. I seem to spend about 4-5 days "loading up", and then a day or two "dropping off". My record was on a 7 day cruise in the Caribbean. For some reason, I just could NOT unload in the cabin's head. All that glorious food, I just kept letting my belt out, one notch at a time.

My worst; in a bucket on a 16' Carolina Skiff in the middle of the Chesapeake bay in full view of the traffic on the Bridge/tunnel.

geez i can't stop laughin at that one.  [clap]

Every time I would go on a workup on an aircraft carrier, going out to sea for a couple of weeks at a time to get ready for a deployment, my body would have to get used to boat food all over again.

Nothing, nothing, nothing, and then usually on day 4 or 5 I'd spend an hour in the head hoping I didn't have an aneurysm.

Sharply contrasting that was the couple of times gastroenteritis made its rounds on the boat.

There were times I wished the toilet had handles.

Sounds like that one needed a seat belt

You sir, are a damn god amongst men.

A friend of mine shit (big) in the cat litter box at a party once. I bet that was a surprise the next time the box was attended to.

A friend of mine in college did something similar as a prank. He came home from school early for a week and cleaned out his roommate's cat's litter box and basically made it look like the cat hadn't used it.

Then, the day after the roommate approached my friend because he was concerned that his cat hadn't crapped for so long, my buddy comes home from class and drops a huge log in the litter box. Several of us were there playing video games when the roommate came home and got to see his reaction.

Priceless.

Ug, yesterday, timing my kids swim meet.......after eating some questionable/hot wings.......it was ugly and Daddy still aint right.

I love the log in the litterbox prank! [laugh] [clap]

Speaking of college prank and pooping.  4 of us shared an house in college.  One of the guys was this hyper-active, never-back-down-from-challenge guy - Geoff.  One night we were just sitting around playing video game when Geoff found an unopened half gallon Welch's Grape Juice.  He opened it up and started chucking it.  He kept on saying "I am so thirsty, I can finish this whole thing".  With our dares and peer pressure, he went for it.  

Probably 30 minutes later, he had finished most of it and sat around with us.  All of sudden, he bolted for the bathroom.  It was a lot of splashing and moaning.  He came out complaining about the runs.  Not 5 minutes later, he ran back to the bathroom again.  That probably went on over and over for the next hour.  Toward the end, he didn't even bother wiping (too much chaffing) and putting on his pants.  He would just wash his a$$ and wrap a towel around him. Watching him in agony was the best entertainment.  Even to this day, just thinking about it makes me laugh.

I can see the sick guy humor in that. [thumbsup] I will also never look at a container of grape juice in the same way ever again thanks to you. [laugh]

That's funny. . .  I was just drinking out of a grape juice jug the other night and i was thinking to myself "I shouldn't drink too much of this" but I wasn't sure why that was, or why I was thinking that.

I must be psychic [laugh]

You guys need to quit drinking prune juice
 [cheeky]



 [laugh]
This...is...just...AWESOME  [clap]
[laugh]

LOL, same here.  I am in a constant look out for the next victim for this prank.  I guess when my daugther is older and makes more friends, there will be plenty of easy targets.  [cheeky]