The worst place youve ever had to "go".

[elyse]

Really?  Is this you coming out about your poo fetish?  Or are you just setting the stage to talk about Myles' exploits after Christmas?

why do i keep thinking someone is going to chime in with "diarrhea chacha cha" 

anywayysss.. who's myles & why isnt rgramjet telling us about his exploits yet?

[RAT900]

Any Airplane toilet...... they are not designed to accommodate anything bigger than an anorexic dwarf

Once did a 4 day business trip/bender to San Fran...pigged out on Fisherman's Wharf...swam through gallons of wine in Napa and Sonoma..... way too much booze and sketchy seafood

Flight back was bad....could feel and hear the ugly intestinal evidence of my debauchery doing high-speed drifts through the loops and turns of my intestines

actually managed to get enough of a squat going in the toilet back by the food galley to unleash the Kraken

I think the in-flight meal service was delayed for an hour while the flight attendants waited in the front of the plane for the stink and potentially explosive methane cloud to dissipate

I could hear passengers in the rear seating groaning and cursing in disgust

Other than that signature 30,000 foot achievement in my life,,, I have crapped in public bathroom sinks and wall urinals when I have deemed the toilet

unworthy of my spoor

[The Bearded Duc]

2 train from Manhattan to Brooklyn, home sweet home at the time. Only this time home was too far.

Must have eaten something bad earlier that day and my stomach was just starting to let me know right when I was getting on the train to go home but I was sure I could make it. Now I'm sure everyone knows about the stomach pains that are associated with soft serve and over the years I've realized that you get 3 "contractions" before it all ends in a sea of brown.

Three stops before the tunnel to Brooklyn I get the first contraction, not too bad but worrisome.

One stop before the tunnel to Brooklyn I get the second contraction. This one was worse, I think I was dilated about 6cm.

At this point I'm worrying, one more and I'm done. Fingers are crossed and I'm pacing to take my mind off of the ensuing carnage.

Halfway through the tunnel the third contraction starts, I freak out and I head to the only place I can. The passage between two cars. I drop my pants and precede to grease the tracks.

Thankfully for me it was about 4:30am so no one was really on the train and it was winter so I happened to have one of those small packs of tissue in my bag.

And this is where the phrase "feels like the number 2 train is pulling in to a local stop" comes from. For anyone who isn't a NY'er, the number 2 train is an express train. It just wasn't going fast enough.

[RAT900]

^^^ Damn a subway crap is nothing short of heroic stuff!! (exempting the homeless people dumps inside the safety of the cars)

did you have a foot on each end-platform or did you commit to one car platform?

technique is important

[The Bacon Junkie]

with a vent pt and and a BKA less than an hour old

into a sharps container

Ummm... wtf did you just say?! 


Okay, so those of you who know me, know I'm a preschool teacher.  (I bought the 999 to butch up a little  )

So, I'm the only guy out of 130+ women, besides one of the PC's.

Cafeteria food one day.

Uh-oh...  This could get ugly real quick.

Can't go to the teacher's lounge.

Can't go to the restroom in the office.

Certainly cannot use the classroom toilet.

The Cafe is just across the driveway and they have a clean bathroom that is always empty.

I hope I can make it to my 10 minute break in an hour.

Pressure is building...

Starting to hurt...

Oh, NO!!!  I have to change a kid's poopy diaper... Okay, maybe this could work out.

Changing the diaper, clench my cheeks, release a little gas to ease the pressure... this could be bad.  Success!  The stench of the kid's offending pair of Huggies masks my own!

Break time!!!  I try to walk casually out the door, down the hall, through the office.  As soon as I'm out the door, I bolt across the street...  Swipe my badge through the reader, door unlocks, I'm in... Down the stairs, around the corner, into the Men's room, push the stall door...

FUUUUUCK!!!!!   It's locked...  No, wait... It opens outward, 'cuz it's handicapped accessible!  I pull open the door, turn around, lock it, check the seat, drop trou, park it, and...

AAAAAAAHHHHH....   sweet relief!!!  The thing had to be three feet long, if it was an inch. 

I stopped into the cafe to get a bottle of Mountain Dew as an excuse for going to the cafe.   

[The Bearded Duc]

^^^ Damn a subway crap is nothing short of heroic stuff!! (exempting the homeless people dumps inside the safety of the cars)

did you have a foot on each end-platform or did you commit to one car platform?

technique is important

Had to commit to one platform and perform the "hang".

[RAT900]

Had to commit to one platform and perform the "hang".

yeah I was thinking that ......otherwise with the train in motion it would have been hell trying to balance and relax

I've pissed between cars when we have been stuck at signals....... but never do that directly down on to the tracks you don't want to connect a stream with the 3rd rail

[Mother]

Ummm... wtf did you just say?! 

sorry, chart speak is a bad habit

A patient on a ventilator

and

a post operation below-the-knee amputee

just out of surgery

we were doing a code-3 hospital evacuation because hurricane gustave was about an hour out from galviston

and

wasn't turning as had been predicted

[The Bearded Duc]

but never do that directly down on to the tracks you don't want to connect a stream with the 3rd rail

"What ever you do, don't cross the streams!"

[The Bacon Junkie]

sorry, chart speak is a bad habit

A patient on a ventilator

and

a post operation below-the-knee amputee

just out of surgery

we were doing a code-3 hospital evacuation because hurricane gustave was about an hour out from galviston

and

wasn't turning as had been predicted

ah... 

[zarn02]

First week in Korea, we all went to "mud fest."

A long day on the beach in the heat, eating dodgy street-meat, and slamming a ridiculous amount of soju.

The only bathrooms were the native squatters, and none of them included toilet paper.

Miraculously managed to find my gastrointestinal zen garden and wait till the bus took us back home, where I unleashed the horror.

[Drunken Monkey]

I've shat in the woods during a thunderstorm, in a pit, in my pants, out of a moving vehicle, almost out of a flying vehicle and with such toxicity that I probably should have filed paperwork with the EPA.

So what? My experience is that the worse the dump, the more religious the experience.

Also, I have a 3 and 5 year old and I think they've inured me to shit. Seriously people, it's just shit.

As the good book says: "everyone poops"

Ditto with barfing.

[The Bearded Duc]

As the good book says: "everyone poops"

Yeah, but the stories are what makes it fun. Thats why they wrote a book about it.

[brimo]

Squatting in the bush in the cold and damp while waiting for a recovery crew after just putting a vehicle into a ditch, glanced around to see half a dozen leeches homing in on the warmth from my nether regions, got those pants back up real quick.

[ducatiz]

duc750 wins.  Greasing the rails now has a new meaning for me.

I tossed on the R train deck once.  But squatting on the deck is heroic.