Im taking a shower, minding my own business when all of a sudden my wife bursts into the bathroom and says "You need to get out here right away!!!" Im like "Whaat?" She reiterates her statement and I could hear in her voice that she wasnt kidding. I towel off and go to the window facing my front yard.
Theres a black dude bunching together some newspapers and my wife told me she just saw this guy taking a shit literally in our front yard. Where the make the beast with two backs is my baseball bat???
I grab the nearest bludgeoun, a 5 iron and run outside. The guy is walking away and I get to about 15 feet from him and bellow "YO, DID YOU JUST TAKE A SHIT IN MY FRONT YARD????" The guy was like no man, its not like that, Im lost, it was obvious the dude wasnt quite right. I told him if I ever saw him anywhere near my yard much less taking a shit, he would be tasting the business end of my golf club. Told him theres a park 100 yards away and what he did was hugely disrespectful.. Police were called. Guy walks off.
I took my son to camp.
On my way back, I come around the corner and theres my stupid friend Tom handing said dude a cup of coffee and sitting on the bench in front of his house. I roll down the window and yell to my stupid friend Tom, "What the make the beast with two backs are you doing?? That Muther Fer just took a shit in my front yard!!!!" Turns out my stupid friend Tom found out that the guy is off his meds and aint quite right. Police come by and take him to the hospital.
Im thinking about "installing" a toilet in my stupid friend Tom's front yard or maybe sending him a thank you note from "Darryl" for his hospitality with a nice snowball of toilet paper with a nice hersheys kiss in the middle of it.
ANy other ideas for my stupid enabling friend?
taking a dump in his front yard tomorrow morning?
[evil]
Quote from: Randimus Maximus on August 20, 2008, 04:48:29 PM
taking a dump in his front yard tomorrow morning?
[evil]
That is an option that has been considered. Game on. [evil]
The guy got to have some mental issues to do what he did.
I'm so glad that he was taken to the hospital to get checked out.
So, you want to do something to your friend Tom because he helped a guy who obviously needed it instead of threatening him with a blunt object?
Maybe Tom should take a shit on your lawn too.
I can understand you being pissed, but after you found out the guy was off his meds and out of the hospital, I would've hoped that you would've changed your tune a bit.
Ya cant blame the guy for taking a shit on your lawn if his head aint on right, and you cant blame your friend for giving the guy a cup of joe. Its not like he knew he took a dump on your law and he knew he was off his meds.
With that said. Take a dump on his lawn as a joke and ask for a cup of coffee. Thats if you are teh type of person that can take a shit in public. Most people cant. [clap]
Quote from: He Man on August 20, 2008, 05:05:10 PM
Ya cant blame the guy for taking a shit on your lawn if his head aint on right, and you cant blame your friend for giving the guy a cup of joe. Its not like he knew he took a dump on your law and he knew he was off his meds.
With that said. Take a dump on his lawn as a joke and ask for a cup of coffee. Thats if you are teh type of person that can take a shit in public. Most people cant. [clap]
Or you could ask for the coffee first and then take a dump. Some folks find it easier that way.
Quote from: darylbowden on August 20, 2008, 05:03:37 PM
So, you want to do something to your friend Tom because he helped a guy who obviously needed it instead of threatening him with a blunt object?
Maybe Tom should take a shit on your lawn too.
I can understand you being pissed, but after you found out the guy was off his meds and out of the hospital, I would've hoped that you would've changed your tune a bit.
Its more of a joke at this point. And I didnt realize where the guy was coming from when I brandished my 5 iron.
My stupid friend Tom didnt know if this guy was a crackhead or casing his house or what have you until the police showed up and told him. He has two young daughters and I would have hoped he would have used more caution around someone whose situation he had zero clue about.
When I lived in Arizona some dude walked into my back door yelling
"they are coming after me"
It freaked me out a little and then I asked him WTF he was talking about
He kept on saying that shit so I grabbed him and brought him to the front door. He seemed like he was really really drunk, so I wasn't too worried about him trying to fight.
I threw him out of the house, and about 20 min later a cop knocked on the door looking for the dude. He was a diabetic, was drinking and hadn't taken his insulin. His girlfriend was crying saying that he was missing and if he didn't get to a hospital he could go into shock and die. 2 seconds later the dude come tubling over a 8' high fence and smashes his face on the ground. I felt bad for 1/2 second...
Crap on your neighbors lawn and dont say anything about it. See what happens
Quote from: ducati_tim on August 20, 2008, 05:14:21 PM
Or you could ask for the coffee first and then take a dump. Some folks find it easier that way.
[laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [clap] [clap] [clap] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh]
You sure your "friend" Tom didn't tell the guy he'd give him a cup of coffee if he went and took a dump on your lawn? Masterful.
Quote from: ducati_tim on August 20, 2008, 05:14:21 PM
Or you could ask for the coffee first and then take a dump. Some folks find it easier that way.
well if were gonna tlalk like that, nothing beats a steak with a garden salad.All them fibers mak'in me wanna poo.
Quote from: hbliam on August 20, 2008, 06:41:13 PM
You sure your "friend" Tom didn't tell the guy he'd give him a cup of coffee if he went and took a dump on your lawn? Masterful.
Hmmmm ...
Quote from: Vindingo on August 20, 2008, 05:23:27 PM
When I lived in Arizona some dude walked into my back door yelling
"they are coming after me"
It freaked me out a little and then I asked him WTF he was talking about
He kept on saying that shit so I grabbed him and brought him to the front door. He seemed like he was really really drunk, so I wasn't too worried about him trying to fight.
I threw him out of the house, and about 20 min later a cop knocked on the door looking for the dude. He was a diabetic, was drinking and hadn't taken his insulin. His girlfriend was crying saying that he was missing and if he didn't get to a hospital he could go into shock and die. 2 seconds later the dude come tubling over a 8' high fence and smashes his face on the ground. I felt bad for 1/2 second...
Crap on your neighbors lawn and dont say anything about it. See what happens
make the beast with two backsing diabetics. [roll]
that's what bb/pellet guns are for
Quote from: Magnus on August 20, 2008, 09:39:20 PM
that's what bb/pellet guns are for
not fun.
Rocksalt.
now THATS fun.
Quote from: Rameses on August 20, 2008, 07:57:49 PM
make the beast with two backsing diabetics. [roll]
[laugh] "dude is that a beeper?"
Quote from: Vindingo on August 20, 2008, 10:50:28 PM
[laugh] "dude is that a beeper?"
[laugh] [laugh] [laugh]
Did one of you guys ask me that?
I go with the neighbor being behind the whole thing concept [thumbsup]
Just shovel up the dump and leave it in your friend's lawn - in a coffee cup.
Quote from: big bear on August 20, 2008, 11:16:07 PM
I go with the neighbor being behind the whole thing concept [thumbsup]
LMAO, wouldnt put it past him!
Quote from: ducati_tim on August 20, 2008, 05:14:21 PM
Or you could ask for the coffee first and then take a dump. Some folks find it easier that way.
I can go 5-6 days without, one cup of coffee later. BAM. Toilet looks like a drifter raceway.
Quote from: fwtcc on August 21, 2008, 06:07:08 AM
I can go 5-6 days without, one cup of coffee later. BAM. Toilet looks like a drifter raceway.
T.M.I. :-X
Quote from: fwtcc on August 21, 2008, 06:07:08 AM
I can go 5-6 days without, one cup of coffee later. BAM. Toilet looks like a drifter raceway.
man, that is just dag-fangity-gang-nasty.
haven't you ever heard of a "courtesy flush" boy?
nastier than pig assholes. (see below)
Quote from: ducatizzzz on August 21, 2008, 07:06:24 AM
haven't you ever heard of a "courtesy flush" boy?
Somethings rushing water doesn't fix.
Good thing I don't drink coffee at home.
That's right, I am that guy.
Quote from: fwtcc on August 21, 2008, 08:51:08 AM
Somethings rushing water doesn't fix.
Good thing I don't drink coffee at home.
That's right, I am that guy.
i didn't know "that guy" meant the guy who has to shit in a river so it doesn't stick to porcelain.
on the other hand, it is well known that poo only sticks to DIRTY porcelain. maybe a sign you need to clean the bowl?
Quote from: ducatizzzz on August 21, 2008, 09:11:52 AM
i didn't know "that guy" meant the guy who has to shit in a river so it doesn't stick to porcelain.
on the other hand, it is well known that poo only sticks to DIRTY porcelain. maybe a sign you need to clean the bowl?
"That guy" is a general ass hole, in this case the office shitter that leaves traces of evidence behind.
There's no way I am cleaning the office bowl. The home bowl is as white as a Dave Matthew's audience.
thanks for the clarification, Mr Tar-Stool
Ever see Me, Myself And Irene?
Wow. Between this and the unbelievable prosecutor who asks a biker victim whether the girl who rear-ended said biker should be prosecuted, and everything else on this board.... The DMF sure has a lot of shit that you just can't make up.... Unbelievable world we live in.
this is one funny thread, maybe not if you are the homeowner but for everyone else, its hilarious.
+1.
ramjet - sorry for your aggrivation, but I have truly enjoyed this thread [laugh]
When things cool off a little, I will post a pic of a toilet, mounted to a concrete plug in my stupid friend Toms front yard. Im thinking around Thanksgiving, maybe the night before. Needs to happen...
honestly this is one of those situations you just have to laugh at, bc you probably easily cleaned up the mess soon after and put it in the bushes and no harm no foul in a sense..
afterall some guy that is obviously seriously mentally ill takes a dump in your front lawn has no idea what is happening, so you have to laugh at him bc beating the crap out of someone with the mentalllity of a 3 year old even if he is 40 is not going to win you tough guy points... and then to top it all off your neighbor friend is sitting with the dude a few blocks away shooting the sh&t with him (pun intended) and giving him a cup of coffee for the morning.
i mean you put this in a 70's steve martin movie and its a classic scene that everyone laughs about.
Quote from: rgramjet on August 25, 2008, 11:26:58 AM
When things cool off a little, I will post a pic of a toilet, mounted to a concrete plug in my stupid friend Toms front yard. Im thinking around Thanksgiving, maybe the night before. Needs to happen...
Mischief night would seem apropos....
Quote from: sbrguy on August 25, 2008, 01:03:35 PM
so you have to laugh at him bc beating the crap out of someone with the mentalllity of a 3 year old even if he is 40 is not going to win you tough guy points...
But what if he had retard strength?
Quote from: NAKID on August 25, 2008, 05:57:26 PM
But what if he had retard strength?
This is off topic, but a good story:
I was at the grocery store with my Mom. She was checking out and had bought a dozen eggs. They had a Down Syndrome kid working as a bag boy. The cashier scanned the eggs and put them on the conveyor and told the DS kid to be very gentle and careful with them.
He responded by picking the carton up and slamming it into the bag, then he flexed his biceps.
It was make the beast with two backsing hilarious. [laugh]
Quote from: Jobu on August 25, 2008, 10:36:06 PM
He responded by picking the carton up and slamming it into the bag, then he flexed his biceps.
It was make the beast with two backsing hilarious. [laugh]
This link is for you...
(watch them all!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4wUwk7-7Vc&feature=related
Quote from: Jobu on August 25, 2008, 10:36:06 PM
This is off topic, but a good story:
I was at the grocery store with my Mom. She was checking out and had bought a dozen eggs. They had a Down Syndrome kid working as a bag boy. The cashier scanned the eggs and put them on the conveyor and told the DS kid to be very gentle and careful with them.
He responded by picking the carton up and slamming it into the bag, then he flexed his biceps.
It was make the beast with two backsing hilarious. [laugh]
[laugh]
That's absolutely awesome. Thank you, my whole day can have nothing go wrong, having started the day reading that!
Quote from: NAKID on August 25, 2008, 05:57:26 PM
But what if he had retard strength?
;D [laugh] damn, i was waiting for someone to say that, thank you.. that was funny... i know that could be a problem, the dude may then beat the crap out of you, and you have say you were beat up by a retard taht can bench press like 400 lbs. or something.
He did have the crazy eye thing going on.....when I first yelled "Yo did you just take a shit in my front yard", he turned around and started walking towards me. First thing that caught my eye was his left eye. He looked like Crazy Eyes Killah!! I was like, here we go....
Turns out he has a prosthetic eye and it was all infected so he couldnt close it.....freaked me out a little bit though...
if you do decide to take a crap on Toms front yard, be prepared for the cops to drag you of to hospital. [roll]
Quote from: 707soldier on August 20, 2008, 04:58:57 PM
The guy got to have some mental issues to do what he did.
I'm so glad that he was taken to the hospital to get checked out.
+100