Friday Funnies??

[bazz20]

thank you dragon i was having a bad day now ive got a smile on my dial   

[dragonworld.]

Your very welcome. 

You sometimes think these things just have to be bullshit..................... but then??

Knowing humans, you just never know do ya???

[Betty]

.... so it was a bull elephant then ....



Its OK I'm going now.

[bazz20]

.... so it was a bull elephant then ....



Its OK I'm going now.

 

[BadBoyBubby]

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
"Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."

[dragonworld.]

Dont let the Missus see this!!

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee
each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and
then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, "
You
are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is
your
job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do
it,
and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband
replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and
opened
the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it
indeed
says..........."HEBREWS"

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft
before
the masterpiece.

[dragonworld.]

A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun.

He shouts "This is a raid - everyone get on the floor!!", and proceeds
to empty the cash drawers.


As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off
his balaclava. The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head
and shouts.. "Did anybody else here see my face?"


The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and
goes over and shoots him in the head also.


Did anybody else see my face?" he shouts again, waving his gun around

There is silence for a few seconds before an elderly male voice is heard
from a distant corner.
�

I think my missus caught a glimpse...."

[Spider]

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breasts.

They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, 'Lady, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.'

She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'

[Jukie]

good one spider  hhmmm

[sydmonster]

bit wrong...
so quote if not too squemish


baby seal walks into a club... that is all

[dragonworld.]

Subject: The Australian Poetry Competition

The Australian Poetry Competition had come down to two finalists, a university graduate and an old aboriginal. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word.


The word they were given was ' TIMBUKTU '

First to recite his poem was the university graduate. He stepped up to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan
Men on camels two by two
Destination - Timbuktu .


The crowd went crazy! No way could the old aboriginal top that, they thought. The old aboriginal calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a huntin' went
Met three whores in a pop up tent
They were three, and we was two
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu .

The aboriginal won.

[brimo]

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breasts.

They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, 'Lady, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.'

She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'

That's my story, and you got it wrong, she was in room 321 (nice jacuzzi in that room too)

[brimo]

[Spider]

A chicken farmer went to a local bar. He sat next to a woman
and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a
glass of champagne, too!"

"What a coincidence," the farmer says, "This is a special day
for me, and I'm celebrating."

"This is a special day for me too, I'm also celebrating!",
 says the woman.
"What a coincidence" says the man.
 As they clinked glasses the farmer asked, "What are you
celebrating?"

"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today
my gynaecologist told me that I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer
and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally
laying fertilised eggs."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become
fertile?"

"I used a different cock," he replied.

The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence!"

[Spider]

A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone.  She approached him.
 
'My name is Carmen,' she told him.
 
'That's a beautiful name,' he replied,  'Is it a family name?'
 
'No,' she replied.  'I gave it to myself.  It reflects the things I like most -- cars and men.'
 
'What's your name?' she asked.
 
He said, 'B. J. Titsenbikes'