You've been waiting for them with bated breath, so without further ado here are the 2008 Darwin awards.
(Should be "Dickhead" awards??)
Eighth Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate
to retrieve his car keys.
Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he
ran,' accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for
protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the
bottom! When it t collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.
People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out
but could not reach him.
It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him.
Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a
bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long
flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed
into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends
who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his
mouth and pull the trigger.
Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front
door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the
store.
The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the
counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a
hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a
clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and
fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics.
Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the
shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified
rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.
HONOURABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2
A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to
see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was
closed.
RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them
said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in
the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least
10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon
arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope.
Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that
a coil of lineman's cable, lay near by. They secured one end around
Bingham's leg and then tied the other ! ;to the bridge. His fall lasted 40
feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle..
He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two
nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER IS...
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn, Germany) fed his
constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm
finally got relief.
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.
The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant
continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to
be just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'Shit happens'
