Friday Funnies??

[brimo]

Aaaah the good old days of gratuitous violence masquerading as comedy! 

It's still there, seen Australia's (so called) funniest home videos lately? People just seem to roll on the floor laughing when some 2 year old gets smacked in the head with a swing.
That's now made me think about the decline in comedy , there's no more little old men chasing suspender belt wearing young females around, no more old ladies saying "have you seen my pussy?" every episode, there's only "two and a half men" that's keeping comedic traditions going with a good old gratuitous fart joke every now and then.

[dragonworld.]

It's still there, seen Australia's (so called) funniest home videos lately? People just seem to roll on the floor laughing when some 2 year old gets smacked in the head with a swing.
That's now made me think about the decline in comedy , there's no more little old men chasing suspender belt wearing young females around, no more old ladies saying "have you seen my pussy?" every episode, there's only "two and a half men" that's keeping comedic traditions going with a good old gratuitous fart joke every now and then.

OOOOOH Flatulence humour? Dont get me started, that cracks me up!!

Leslie Neilsen and his fart button, I lose it every time! 

[dragonworld.]

A Horse, A Chicken & A Harley:
On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.

One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.

Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.
Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.
Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.
Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.

After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!


Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals. 


A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!

The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.

Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thingy and he would then lift him out of the pit.


The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.


The moral of the story?? (yep, you bet cha, there is a moral!) 

'When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks!



Now lets just see who comments shall we?? And in what manner?? 

[Jukie]

well you know its going to be me. i sure this is the case with you sexy dragon. hung like a horse hhmmmmm

[dragonworld.]

yeah sure, I wish  

But dare I say "It does the job". 

[Jukie]

as really well im sure

[dragonworld.]

The Knob
 


A woman visited a plastic surgeon who told her about a
 new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small
knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and
could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the
effect of a brand new face-lift. Of course, the woman
wanted 'The Knob.'

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob,
and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young
looking and vibrant.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with
two problems.


'All these years, everything has been working just
fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and
I've always loved the results. But now I've
developed two annoying problems: First, I have these
terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid
of them.'

The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those
aren't bags, those are your breasts.'

She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in
asking about the goatee.'
 
 
 

[brimo]

A  Hooker in Las Vegas

 

 

A guy is walking the strip in Las Vegas and a fantastic-looking

Vegas hooker catches his eye.

He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker,

"How much do you charge?"

The Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job."

The guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Holy crap!

No hand-job is worth that kind of money!"

The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?"

"Yes."

"Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"

"Yes."

"And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?"

"Yes."

"Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those.

And I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500."

So the guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try."

They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy  is sitting

On the bed realizing that he has just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500.

He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?"

The hooker replies, "$1,500."

"I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!"

The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500."

The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific  hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so and says, "Sign me up."

Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before.  He can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience.

He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?"

The hooker says, "Come over here to the window, I want to show you something. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us: All those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and shows?

"Wow!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"


 

No," the hooker replies, "but I would... if I had a pussy."

[brimo]

I accept how scissors can exhausted paper, and i get how a bedrock can exhausted scissors, but theres no accomplish the barbarian with two backsing way cardboard can exhausted rock. is cardboard declared to magically blanket about a bedrock and leave it immobile? why the hell deceit cardboard do this to scissors?


_________________
Indianapolis plastic surgery

WTF???  SPAM Reported to moderator

[dragonworld.]

Very Good Brimo.

Hmmm I think we need a tranny smiley?? 

Lets see Jukie find one of those!!

[Jukie]

oooh thats a hard one dragon

[brimo]

INNER PEACE...

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Medical TV show, I have finally found inner peace. A Doctor proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.

So I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished, and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of shhardonay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of vocka, a pockage of Prunglies, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valum scriptins, the res of the Chesescke an a box a choclits. Yu haf no idr who gud I fel.Peas sen dis orn to dem yu fee AR in ned ov inr pis

[dragonworld.]

The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican and are ushered in to see the Pope.

 

Grumpy leads the pack.

'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope, 'What can I do for you?'

Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Worship, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome ?'

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers,

 

'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome.'

In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.


Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.

Grumpy turns back, 'Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?'

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers,

 

'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe ...'

This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.

Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry glare.

Grumpy turns back and says, 'Your Holiness! Are you absolutely sure there aren’t any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?'

The Pope, really confused by the questions says, 'I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.'

The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting......

'Grumpy shagged a penguin!'

'Grumpy shagged a penguin!'

[Jukie]

he he he

[dragonworld.]

A Scottish  Soldier 

A Scottish Solder in full dress  uniform marches into a chemists.

Very carefully he opens  his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana, unfolds  it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also  unfolds to reveal a condom.

The condom has a number of  patches on it.

The chemist holds it up and eyes it  critically.

“How much to repair it?” the Scot asks the  chemist.

“Six pence,” says the chemist.

“How much  for a new one?”

“Ten pence,”says the chemist..

The  Scot painstakingly folds the condom into the silk square  handkerchief and the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in his  sporran and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt  swinging.

A moment or two later the chemist hears a great  shout go up outside, followed by an even greater shout.
The  Scottish soldier marches back into the chemists and addresses the  proprietor, this time with a grin on his face.

“The  regiment has taken a vote,” he says.

“We’ll have a new  one.”