DMF joke thread

[Jaman]

whadya call a fat China-man?

a Chunk.

[The Bacon Junkie]

Hmmm... Ok.


What do you call 25 blondes lined up ear to ear?






Wind tunnel

[The Bacon Junkie]

What do you call a bunch of blondes stuck in a freezer?







Frosted flakes

[NorDog]

Then there was the blonde who thought "safe sex" involved making sure the bed had a padded headboard.

[akmnstr]

Then there was the blonde who thought "safe sex" involved making sure the bed had a padded headboard.

If not, be sure to wear your helmet!

[Jaman]

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every
year, and every year Morris would say,

'Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'

Esther always replied,

'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty
dollars,  And fifty dollars is fifty dollars'

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris
said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old.  If I don't ride that
helicopter, I might never get another chance.'

To this, Esther replied,

'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty
dollars is fifty dollars.'

The pilot overheard the couple and said,
'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you
for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride
and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!

But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.  The pilot
did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was
heard.  He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,
But still not a word.  When they landed, the pilot
turned to Morris and said,  'By golly, I did everything I
could to get you to yell out, but you didn't.  I'm impressed!'

Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost
said something when Esther fell out, but , you know,
Fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'

[Porsche Monkey]

Do you know what they call a drive by shooting in China?













cappuccino

Clint Eastwood approves of this joke. 

[ducpainter]

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop.. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter,
slim,
tall,
38D breast,
24" waist,
34" hips..
When she walks into a room people say.........















 


"Oh My God."

[Jobu]

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every
year, and every year Morris would say,

'Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'

Esther always replied,

'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty
dollars,  And fifty dollars is fifty dollars'

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris
said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old.  If I don't ride that
helicopter, I might never get another chance.'

To this, Esther replied,

'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty
dollars is fifty dollars.'

The pilot overheard the couple and said,
'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you
for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride
and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!

But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.  The pilot
did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was
heard.  He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,
But still not a word.  When they landed, the pilot
turned to Morris and said,  'By golly, I did everything I
could to get you to yell out, but you didn't.  I'm impressed!'

Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost
said something when Esther fell out, but , you know,
Fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'

This Derby has been recorded.

[brix821]

via work.... " How do you find Will Smith in the snow???"


















Just follow the fresh prince .....

[Jobu]

via work.... " How do you find Will Smith in the snow???"


















Just follow the fresh prince .....

I thought this was going to be a black joke....

[SacDuc]

I thought this was going to be a black joke....

What's the difference between a white school teacher and black school teacher?
























NOTHING YOU RACIST!!




sac

[Porsche Monkey]

Doood come on lets not lock our only joke thread. 

[erkishhorde]

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. One day, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side.... You know what?"

"What dear?" she asked gently.

"I think you're bad luck. Get the make the beast with two backs away from me."

[Kopfjager]

^^^