SacDuc's big ol' Raccoon Story

[krolik]

I'm waiting. 

[GAAN]

 

[Mojo S2R]

Calling on SacDuc.  This thread is useless without the story.     Pictures too if you got 'em. 

[Monsterlover]

[badgalbetty]

 
Sacduc at his finest!! I love this guy!!That was the funniest thing I ever read and the bit about the pen and spitwad AND the jar of vaseline was hysterical!
Brilliant!
BGB

[Oldfisti]

Sacduc at his finest!! I love this guy!!That was the funniest thing I ever read and the bit about the pen and spitwad AND the jar of vaseline was hysterical!
Brilliant!
BGB

Que?

[Grampa]

I too have a BORS....but now that I'm married, it can never be told again.

[Oldfisti]

I too have a BORS....but now that I'm married, it can never be told again.

Lost to the annals of history...

[Monsterlover]

Sac, show us on the doll where the raccoon touched you.

[cokey]

 

[Pip]

Sac, show us on the doll where the raccoon touched you.

I think it was somewhere near his Sac area.   

[SacDuc]

I will keep you in suspense. It does involve three rednecks, a .22 rifle and an outhouse though.




sac

[RAT900]

^^^^^^^^^^  this has the makings of a legend already!!!

[Monsterlover]

I will keep you in suspense. It does involve three rednecks, a .22 rifle and an outhouse though.




sac

How could it not?!?!

[SacDuc]

When I was in high school I had two jobs in the summer. In the afternoons I would stock/clean a tavern, but in the mornings I would do grounds keeping at a country club (all Carl the Greens Keeper jokes are welcome!). The guys I worked with were complete rednecks that lived up to every stereotype you now have in your head. Two of the guys we called Beavis and Butthead because not only was one blond and one brunette, but they had a fondness for activities such as pouring gasoline on a live snake and throwing matches at it. The other guy relevant to the story is Russ. Russ was a lifer. At the age of thirty he had reached the peak of his career potential. Nice guy. None too bright. Wore a lot of flannel.

Every morning at break time we would converge on the green at the third hole because, this being the point farthest from the club house and greens keeper shack, there was an outhouse there. As we were pulling up on our various mowers and carts Russ was getting off of his machine and walking toward the outhouse. After about 5 seconds in the outhouse Russ comes falling back through the door with his pants around his ankles. Without a thought of asking if he was okay we all burst in to laughter.

"There's a big ol' raccoon in there!" Russ shouted as he pulled up his pants.

Without hesitation Beavis and Butthead hopped on a golf cart (the governor long since removed) and started hualing ass across the fairways towards the shack. Immediately Russ ran towards his cart as well. Despite his later start Russ easily overtook B & B since he was in a Cushman 3 wheeler. Three speed. Much faster than a golf cart.

But where the make the beast with two backs were they going and why? The answer came when Russ returned with the .22 rifle from the shack slung over his shoulder. Desperately trying to catch up were Beavis and Butthead. Russ had parked the Cushman and was half way to the outhouse with the .22 when they caught up. They made up some time by driving over a freshly planted flowerbed. They skidded to a halt and immediately tackled Russ. So there they are, three rednecks wrestling over a loaded rifle. I have no confidence that the safety was on.

Russ shrugged them off and won the day. This was his nemesis. His battle. His kill. He walked into the outhouse and shut the door behind him. After an inordinately long pause I heard . . . . . .*POP* . . .(pause and then) . . . . . . . *POP POP POP*. Then another long pause. And with comedic timing that would make Andy Kaufman proud, out pops Russ with both hands raised over his head, one hand clutching the .22, the other holding the freshly killed raccoon by the tail.

And indeed it was big and quite likely old. Oh break time lasted an extra 15 minutes that day. There was a few minutes of yelling WOOOOHOOOOO!!! before the head greens keeper showed up. He had heard the shots from halfway across the course. Upon finding that one of his lead guys had illegally discharged a firearm (four times) in the slaughter of a raccoon he not only offer congratulations and thanks, but began to regale us with stories of the kills he had made during his time at the course. Luckily I had already broken my gopher kill cherry (jug of water and a 7 iron) so I could participate in the discussion.

As for the raccoon, well, that was put in the back of Russs' truck. I don't know what was done to it, but it could have easily been disposed of in one of the dumpsters there at the course.

And that, boys and girls, is  SacDuc's big ol' Raccoon Story.

sac