I was looking for a new place ........

[badgalbetty]

And found this ad on Craigslist. I sat there at first not believeing what I was seeing and laughing myself to death!I then thought this is worthy of a copy/paste to the DMF.
ENJOY!
BGB

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$450 Your Current Roommates Are Evil ... (SE Portland Foster-Powell) (map)

Date: 2010-07-02, 4:13PM PDT
Reply to: hous-wz5yw-1823221357@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

... They spread terrible rumors about you behind your back. They actually told me that they only pretend to like you, but in fact believe you are worthless piece of shit. They are probably shit-talking you right now.

Why not ditch those make the beast with two backs-faces and move in with roommates who really value you? I, for one, have always maintained that you are charming, intelligent, brilliantly creative, witty, fun to be around, have an alluring musky scent, the coolest tattoo(s) and are hands down hotter than anyone I've never met.

Your new home: Discriminating Refinement meets White Trash. Spend lazy summer days luxuriating in a large well appointed living room replete with a great book and record collection; a drafting/art table and a house computer. Spend your evenings wildly masturbating in your own personal upstairs mini-suite. Dreamily contemplate the hideous carpetry of the carpet; ponder the wallishness of the walls; delight over the curious ceilingness of the ceiling; wonder in amazement at the windowishness of your window. Assume the fetal position in the closet and coo contentedly like an infant over how very, very lucky you are to have found such a home with such wonderful roommates and your own closet to contentedly coo in. There are children in Africa who don't have closets or roommates, let alone hideous carpets or windows. Life is good.

Your new roommates: Two straight guys, in their 20's, one an Average Joe the other a Punk; and a Gay guy (me) ... and my age is none of your make the beast with two backsing business! Never ask a Gay guy his age, you twat. Anyway, if you want to chat about pussy, or cock, your bases are covered. In fact, I'm pretty sure mandatory, semi-regular, chats about pussy or cock are in the rental agreement. I'll have to double check. Oh. And the straight guys smoke the green stuff while the gay guy is beer-monogamous.

As two of us are college students, we are all pretty quite and prefer to keep most of our debauchery at the pub. The public spaces are kept pretty clean and we are proud to say that we avoid all the drama typical of roommate situations. No chore wheels, no bickering over dishes, no arguments about whose turn it is to delouse the hooker. Mutual consideration, common sense, and communication is the only rule. That, and no bare-bottom spankings in the livingroom. We have our standards.

Bonuses: Free wireless! Free computer for your use, if you don't have one! Not-Free “welcome to your new home” night of drunken debauchery at a local pub! Free compliments on your choice of new roommates!

All this for a mere $450 a month, all utilities included!

We are looking for another male roommate, Gay or Straight, with preference given to the creative (writers, artists, etc.) and the stable. Also, sorry, no dogs or cats. There's already one dog here, and cats ... well cats make the beast with two backsing suck.

To cover our asses in case you turn out to be a dildo, and to weed out the unworthy, we are asking for last month's rent and a small, non-refundable deposit.

We are looking to fill the room asap.

Only a giant Brian W could turn down an opportunity like this. And you don't want to be a Brian W, do you?

Finally: If you are an insufferable vegan, politically correct, hate dogs, or constantly pregnant dog about smoking, then your current roommates are right about you, and I'm very disappointed. You really need to take stock of your life before everyone hates you and you die naked, cold and alone.

[GAAN]

so are you saying youre not going to move in with us?

[muskrat]

 

[the_Journeyman]

That's creative!

JM

[Ddan]

so are you saying youre not going to move in with us?

Which one of you is the gay guy?

[JBubble]

Which one of you is the gay guy?

Well, he is a "bear"...

http://ducatimonsterforum.org/index.php?topic=1994.0

[Ddan]

Well, he is a "bear"...

http://ducatimonsterforum.org/index.php?topic=1994.0

ANd you're ok with this.   hmmmm.   

[krolik]

Well, he is a "bear"...

http://ducatimonsterforum.org/index.php?topic=1994.0

Holy thread resurrection!


Funny!

[DRKWNG]

I saw the thread title and just new that it was IZ's thread...   

[DoubleEagle]

Made me chuckle........

Dolph     

[duccarlos]

with preference given to the creative (writers, artists, etc.) and the stable.

Huge contradiction. A stable artist/writer that smokes weed.