Your best story

[El Matador]

Gregor(mac)(sinister) and I are thinking about climbing Mt Hood or Rainer in Washington. Want to come? We were thinking this winter. I am sure some stories would come from that disastrous adventure


I was joking with the originator poster of this thread.


Post up a story. I've posted several. Not all have been glamorous or remotely normal (seriously, who gets asked to zip up a drag queens dress?), but that is what life is about. Crazy, weird, odd shit that makes it go round and worthwhile.

I'm going to now go ride a wheelie down my condo street. That should create a story of either me looping the bike or getting in trouble with the condo association and receiving a "fine."

yeehaw

I've posted two already 

[GAAN]

agggghhhh of COURSE she was wholesome....they all start out that way...the more wholesome the better....your job was to make that a past-tense thing....holy make the beast with two backsing jeebus...ply them with alcohol laced with sweet mixers

and approach it like Michelangelo approached a block of marble....the true statue is trapped inside the stone...your job was to chip away the unnecessary chunks of morality and resistance in order that the full cum-belching demon harlot within,, could emerge into the light...

and then you could properly immortalize the piece by sharing with us the agony and the ecstasy (hers)

Dante...Dante...Dante...

this boys and girls is why so many relationships end in agony

through the use of alcohol, stimulants, peer pressure, and sexual debauchery

we turn little whoelsome tinkerbell into Sheena-the-cock-hopping-whip-wielding-queen-of-deviant-dicknastics

and

then wonder why after a new set of boobs we see her swinging away on the BBD



for shame RAT, do not encourage the children

[NoisyDante]

for shame RAT, do not encourage the children

I'm sure he was joking.

And she's still as wholesome as when I met her, her parents take me out to dinner when they visit her out here.

[ducatiz]

Wholesome or holesome?  >ducking<

[NoisyDante]

Wholesome or holesome?  >ducking<

http://instantrimshot.com/

[SacDuc]

I'm sure he was joking.

And she's still as wholesome as when I met her, her parents take me out to dinner when they visit her out here.

Two things:

1) Rat was most assuredly NOT joking. At all.

2) I just realized something. You never actually slept with her did you? No. You didn't. And that is sad. Here's why: she was make the beast with two backsing another guy. Probably not a bunch of other guys, but you were only half of a boyfriend. If you weren't getting some a few times a week then I damn well guarantee she was sleeping with someone else. Do you know why her mother still talks to you? Because she's met that other dude her daughter was make the beast with two backsing. She doesn't like him. Because he is bad. And you are good. And that is why Tinker Bell sleeps with him and his ilk, because she is a good girl and sex is something bad people do. Since she's good she has a nice wholesome relationship with a nice guy, you. But she is biologically wired to want to get laid. Since the good girl doesn't do that she must create a bad girl who goes and finds a bad boy. Its called compartmentalization. Horny girls are masters of it.

sac


/I bet she was banging Peter Pan
//plus if you were banging her you would have said so . . . loudly

[GAAN]

I'm banging sac

I dress him up like deputy dawg

rawr

[SacDuc]

I'm banging sac

I dress him up like deputy dawg

rawr

Ahem. Post a friggin' story already. You're an EMT, you must have a story about bringing a dead guy back to life or a popped boob implant or something.

sac



/and you could call me just to talk once and a while instead of just when you're drunk and want to get in my pants! 

[cyrus buelton]

I'm banging sac

I dress him up like deputy dawg

rawr

How does the soon to be wifey feel about this?

[JBubble]

How does the soon to be wifey feel about this?

He knows who his sugar momma is. He can play with his floozies if he likes but he'll always come home to me. 

[DoubleEagle]

It was my 18th birthday and a friend and I went to Columbus , Ohio to Celebrate. Back in the day at age 18 you could drink 3.2% beer in Ohio vs 6% when you were 21 and could drink real Liquor.

I was driving a 1964 Ford Galaxie ,289 cu.in., 3 on the tree , bare stock 2 door that was my Dad's car.

As my friend and I were headed up N. High ST. towards OSU and the Bars across from the Campus I noticed a Corvette pullout from the left,  N. High St. was 4 lanes and the Corvette was right next to me.

We ended up stopped at the next Traffic light next to each other and I couldn't resist a drag race so when the light turned green I floored it and so did the 'Vette.

About 1/2 a block later I notice in my rear view mirror flashing lights.

Oh shit, the Cops, what to do , the 'Vette went straight and I turned at the 1st street to the right.

I hoped the Cop would follow the "vette but as soon as I got on the side street I turned into some body's drive, and told my friend to run for it. I went right right , they went another way.

I soon found a big bush and promptly crawled into it out of site.

Well, it wasn't long before I could hear Cops talking all around me.

I stayed in that bush for what seemed to be an hour.

I didn't hear anything so I crawled out and started to walk back to where my car was parked.

About that same time my friend comes walking around the corner of a garage and then..... womp......about 4 squad cars and a paddy wagon ascend on us and police w, guns drawn.

Of course I'm scared shitless and so is my friend. The Cops want to know if that car belongs to one of us and I say yes and then was I drag racing the Corvette and I say no and of course the Cop doesn't believe me .

Then he wants to know where I have been and why I fled the scene if I had done nothing wrong . I told the Cops that since I was from out of town my friend and I were afraid when we saw the flashing lights and it was stupid but we panicked and hid.

After much consternation and threats by the Cops they finally said if we got in the car and left town immediately they would not ticket me.

So I said sure.

The Cops left and I got in the car w, my friend and as we were driving down N. High St. it was decided that we didn't come all the way to Columbus just to turn around and go home.

So I went left a couple of Streets over until I hit a one way North Street and went all the way above Campus and then went over to N. High St. and came back down to  the Char Bar and we drank beer for a several hours and then sneaked our way out of Columbus.  

Sure got away w, one that night !

[NoisyDante]

1) Rat was most assuredly NOT joking. At all.

No. I don't expect he was.

2) I just realized something. You never actually slept with her did you? No. You didn't. And that is sad.

One does not date Tinkerbell and fail to seal the deal, so rest assured, I did indeed sleep with Tinkerbell, just not in a manner that is degrading.  It doesn't make a good story cause there wasn't anything abnormal about it.

/I bet she was banging Peter Pan

Nope, just me.

//plus if you were banging her you would have said so . . . loudly

I BANGED TINK!


Your posts really make me laugh Sac 

[NoisyDante]

Sure got away w, one that night !

Yea, I don't imagine running from the cops would end up the same way today as it did for you guys then.  Lucky.

[krolik]

I was stationed at Ft Lewis in 1986, in 2/77 Armor. When we went to the field for gunnery, we went to (then called) Yakima Firing Center. At that time 2/77 Armor was the last unit on active duty to have M60A1 tanks, they had no thermal sights, just passive IR & white light/IR searchlights. So for night gunnery, there had to be one tank detailed to the range to act as the search light tank. This was very boring duty, because you had to wait for the firing tank to get ready for that run and then illuminate the same set of targets over and over again for each tank. This went on until daylight. Usually the searchlight crew would fall asleep a few times during the night and have to be awoken, by either screaming over the control radio net, or worse case shut down the range and drive out there and wake the poor sob's up.

So there I was on searchlight detail, I was the acting gunner, Sgt. Brooks was the TC, and I can't remember who actually was the driver. So we drive out to the search light point, set up the range card for the targets to be illuminated and waited for night to fall. At some point the driver took off his boots, which he had been wearing constantly for 3 days he told us. The stench about drove us out of the tank. We made him put his boots & socks outside. About then the range went hot and the first tank was about to start its run. The million candle-watt power searchlight required that the engine be revved up to 1500 RPM (the engine was an AVDS-1780 750 hp turbo diesel), so the driver revved up the engine, locked down the accelerator and promptly fell asleep.

About this time Sgt. Brooks taps me on the shoulder, and ask me if I want a hit of acid. He didn't say this over the intercom, I don't think he wanted to share with PFC Stinkyfeet. I figure "what the Hell?", so I say "Sure". Not much happened that first run, but as later tanks went down range the acid started to kick in. The light show we had that night was out-make the beast with two backsing-standing.


Main gun rounds are always tracers, and mg ammo for training was 1 tracer in 5 rounds. We laughed are asses off at every shot. Main gun rounds were fantastic, and mg engagements were even better as the fan of tracers arced through the night until they burned out. We hurried to train the searchlight with meticulous precision on the next target and waited for the fun to begin again. We took turns acting as the gunner and answering the tower commands on the control net. We about died laughing when the poor bastard running the moving target fell asleep and they woke him up by firing a round into the berm above his bunker. We could hear him snoring over the radio 'cause he fell asleep with his mike open.  

Just as dawn was approaching we came down, and the last tank finished its run. We woke up the driver, he put his aired out boots back on and we drove back to the tower. The Range NCO & Master Gunner met us and thanked us for the outstanding job we did as the searchlight tank, we never missed a target and were always ready on time, never fell asleep. "Best searchlight detail we've had." they said.

[RAT900]

No. I don't expect he was.



I BANGED TINK!

 OK you said she's in your zone of operations...you could go see if she has learned anything new , kept her Tink gear, and determine if she needs advanced training

Speaking of wholesome...after my divorce at age 35 I wound up with a waitress/student a little more than half my age...cute as a button with a posterior that was bewildering in its beauty. Very straight up and poised...no overt tip-generating attire

After over a decade with a sexually inert wife, the split was like the best gift I ever got....I was like a kid again on Christmas morning seeing everything I ever wanted under the tree with my name on the tag...

anyway I took her with me on a business/pleasure trip to Cali after a few dates....Wine Country/Calistoga Spa/...B&B in Bodega Bay, Half Moon Bay by Santa Cruz then back to Santa Clara where my business stuff was waiting

I discovered that she was like Dante's Tink..... until she got a few drinks in her....

3 drinks and she was on the express elevator to the sub-basement.....

to my surprise she was in fact transformed into the Shrieking Demon Harlot of Sodom and Gomorrah....she did vile things to me that will not be discussed as I don't want to turn this into a pornography writing exercise.

So there I am after the full unvarnished/unbridled sexual monster is unleashed and (finally) satiated in bed next to me and I am wondering...

who the hell trained her at such a tender young age (she wasn't from West Virginia)

Do I ever want to kiss that mouth again

Should I have gotten a full CDC report on her for communicables

and of course...pondering ...hmmmm who's working who? on this adventure

as I am mulling over these thoughts in the afterglow she gets out of bed

kneels next to the bed, blesses herself and starts saying her bedtime prayers....

holy make the beast with two backs I now have Disney's Pollyanna kneeling and praying next to the bed

now I am really confused...and I ask her...what are you doing?

she says "saying my prayers"

I say "to who?" (just checking to see which direction she was sending them in)

"To God and my Mom" (mom died when she was 12)

I reply "I don't think God has been around here for a few hours now, we probably scared him off"

"No matter, he sees all and knows all"

"I think you may have shown him a few new things he doesn't see in church"

talk about compartmentalization

blesses herself again and hops back into bed...does a little body shiver of delight and goes to sleep

I slept poorly with one eye open that night

wondering if a third identity was going to emerge while I was asleep

to complete some sort of ritual...maybe the "avenging mom" persona or something