I am....

[RAT900]

The Monarch of Mucus


The Pharaoh of Phlegm


The Lord of Lung Butter

and

The Satrap of Sinus Sludge


head colds suck

[JEFF_H]

I am smellin' like the rose
that somebody gave me on
my birthday deathbed

I am smellin' like the rose
that somebody gave me
'cause I'm dead & bloated

[swampduc]

I am the walrus.

[DucHead]

Ha!

I'd rather have a pussy head cold than the type of flu where (in addition to fever, body- and headaches) brown liquid shoots out your ass every 45 minutes. 

[fastwin]

Stop!! No more. You win with that one!

[RAT900]

Ha!

I'd rather have a pussy head cold than the type of flu where (in addition to fever, body- and headaches) brown liquid shoots out your ass every 45 minutes. 

The Duke of Discharges

[mstevens]

I'd rather have a pussy head cold than the type of flu where (in addition to fever, body- and headaches) brown liquid shoots out your ass every 45 minutes. 

The Squire of Squirts?

[lazylightnin717]

the Ruler of Runs?

[The Architect]

the lord of leakage

[GAAN]

The Reagent of Rectal Regurgitation

[erkishhorde]

The Reagent of Rectal Regurgitation

Doesn't regurgitation mean that something is coming back out of somewhere after it once went in there? So what're you doing stuffing food up your ass? 

[mstevens]

Doesn't regurgitation mean that something is coming back out of somewhere after it once went in there? So what're you doing stuffing food up your ass? 

That's OK - "reagent" means a component of a reaction, such as a chemical. Not at all like a regent.

[RAT900]

The Tsar of Turgid Torrents

[Jaman]

The Emperor of Excretion

[IZ]

I am.... Trying to eat lunch here!  :p