Childless by choice...

[loopsrider]

....................................

[IZ]

 I work in nursing facilities.  It doesn't matter if you have kids or not.  They wouldn't visit you anyway.   

Very similar situation here.  We just had our first child after 17 years of marriage though.  The wife and I heard the selfish comments for years.      We just weren't ready until now.  I have a lot of friends and family who don't want to have kids.  Nothing wrong with that.  I don't know why it's being "selfish".

[muskrat]

I am a member of the child-less club as well and we are not sure it's for us.  Our "friends" can Phuk off if they take that stance IMO.  It's our life and my family alone has 22 members, brother and sister with kids.  I won't even go into my cousins and such.  We have enough kids to borrow and return 

[RAT900]

Nothing wrong with your choice...people are funny about culling friends out of their personal herds due to various reasons/circumstances/common prevailing interests etc

I know a woman who had two sons 1 ten years old and 1 twelve years old.....the 12 year old was killed in a skiing accident and after all the funeral condolences etc the rest of the mothers dropped her like a handful of warm sh!t

didn't want to catch the "tragedy cooties" or something

bouts with potentially fatal illnesses can also turn a person's social life into an echo chamber

most humans suck...

thank you for not potentially adding to the suckage 

[stopintime]

My low periods of life showed me that most people are not realizing they could make a difference.
It seems they are scared to step up.
Of course it didn't help that my previous 'front' was very self secure and independent.

Being single excluded me from parties when my old friends had kids.
Again, I think they just don't want to deal with 'different' or they are envious/threatened by a single guy...

I sometimes miss having kids, but I think Nirvana is in getting along and make peace with myself.
If I have kids because I fear being alone, I think it's better to work on my issues.

[Stella]

Typing from my phone, too tedious to go into a few stories but I knew at least from mid-teen years that having kids wasnt of any interest. Late 40's now & still no desire.

Dont recall any direct hits with the 'selfish' slap but have heard it in conversation & did, as I do, butt in to add my thoughts on that label. And fortunately never had pressure from family.  A few past b/f's pushed for the marriage thing with the underlying reason of following the local and social norm - having kids.

I moved to Colorado for weather & outdoor living purposes several years ago (didn't know 1 person) & what I wasn't expecting was the number of people I'd meet (now very close friends) who made same decision as I did - lucky me!  (I still have great friends with kids - but they are definitely different relationships than w/friends w/o kids.)

Still typing from phone & this is only a tiny bit of my contribution to the topic (and questions about your situation).

 


 

[cokey]

Our first daughter just tirned 17 months today, with a nother one due in march it hasnt changed my attitude towards anyone.  Yea, the hanging out with friends changes a bit because of kids.. i work 10 hours a day 6 days a week.. so with free time you normally want to spend it with family..  i still try to get out but its just a bit more difficult.  Parties, i dont exclude anyone.. i rather have a bunch of childless friends come over.. then you dont have to worry about breaking, injuries and the like..  you need better freinds..  my fam is huge too. 7 aints and 2 uncles on my father side.. all have 3 or more lids and cousins almost all have kids...  i have 3 nieces and that sister throws all the parties lol..

[yamifixer]

My wife and I made this decision before we married 21 years ago and Up until about 2 years ago I never questioned it. We had reasons, some good some bad some selfish. We looked into Adoption 2 years ago and the system scares the poop out of me. So we shelved that and will live our lives together but alone.

I think the worse part of it all was I found out thru others that my in laws were bad talking us behind our backs about it. That pissed me off quite a bit and it has become an issue with our relationship.

most of our friends have kids and i love and spoil them but after they get kids the friendships changed. I guess it is OK but I miss some of the stuff we used to do.

[ducatiz]

The main reason I see for having kids (if you are educated and well off is exemplified here:)

[TAftonomos]

My 2 (and soon to be 3) children are without a doubt one of the best things that have ever happened to me.  Sure, I miss the time alone....but the memories with the kids far outweigh anything I've "missed".  The older they get (little boy is 3 now) the more fun they become.

I'm giddy thinking how fun it will be to teach them all how to ride.

[ducatiz]

My 2 (and soon to be 3) children are without a doubt one of the best things that have ever happened to me.  Sure, I miss the time alone....but the memories with the kids far outweigh anything I've "missed".  The older they get (little boy is 3 now) the more fun they become.

I'm giddy thinking how fun it will be to teach them all how to ride.

I've already had that conversation with the Mrs.  Ducatizzy Jr will be getting a minibike as soon as he's old enough and can handle a bicycle. 

[duccarlos]

2 kids are for quitters. You need to have at least 3, so that they out number you.

[Triple J]

Sounds like your friends and family suck.

My wife and I didn't plan on having kids, and everyone knew that. My parents were disappointed since I'm an only child but they never laid the guilt trip on me or anything. My wife's sisters all have 2 or 3 kids, and they and their families never gave us a hard time either. I think some of them were jealous! 

Many of our friends have kids and we were never excluded from things, although the time spent with them did go down since their schedule was now dictated by their kids. That's understandable.

When changed our mind and now have a child (almost 2 y/o). Again, friends and family are still great. We do spend less time with our friends, but that is just because our schedule now revolves around our son to a large extent and going out can be difficult (plus we're more tired than we used to be). All of our friends understand that, even the single ones. It's all good. We still invite our single friends over though, since going out is much more difficult.

To recap...sounds like your friends and family suck.  Keep in mind though, your single friends that had kids are going to be available less...that's just how it is (and should be). Maybe they aren't blowing you guys off...maybe they're just exhausted! 

[ducatiz]

2 kids are for quitters. You need to have at least 3, so that they out number you.

I'm only allowed to have 2 per sister wife.

[rgramjet]

I've already had that conversation with the Mrs.  Ducatizzy Jr will be getting a minibike as soon as he's old enough and can handle a bicycle. 

+1 Just picked up a KX60 as a stablemate for the XR70.  Man that thing is LOUD and mischief inspiring!  I might have made a bad decision.

9 year old is pretty good on the Honda and is excited about learning what a clutch is!