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brimo
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« Reply #19 on: June 20, 2012, 02:22:12 PM » |
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....and in breaking news....
A major earthquake measuring 5.5 on the Richter scale has hit Australia in
the early hours of this evening, with the epicentre believed to be in the
Gippsland Area of Moe. Victims were seen wandering
around aimlessly uttering, "F'kin ell" and "Whadda carnt".
The earthquake has completely decimated the area, leaving a damage bill
expected to exceed more than $3000. Several priceless collections,
including mementos from the Torana Appreciation Society and the Moe
Juvenile Hall, were destroyed in the quake. Three areas of historic burnt
out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their welfare
cheques arrived.
Melbourne radio reported that hundreds of residents were confused and
bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something
interesting had happened in the area. One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a
15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay
Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan
and Levi-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching
Jerry Springer later in the morning".
The people of Moe are a resilient community and evidence of a full
recovery can already been seen, with looting, muggings and car crime
carrying on as normal.
The aid response from local charities has been swift. The Red Cross has so
far managed to ship 4,000 cases each of Bundy & Coke and PJ Durries to the
area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching
through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings,
which include Centrelink booklets, Collingwood footy jumpers, Acca Dacca
cassettes, Holden HSV bedding covers, Priceline jewellery and fine bone
china from Bi-Lo.
The Red Cross seeks to raise money for food and clothing, to be air-dropped
as parcels for those unfortunate to be caught up in this disaster.
Donations of clothing are in demand. Items most needed include baseball
caps; tracksuit tops (his and hers); flannelette shirts (female); footy
socks; ugg boots; and any other items usually sold in "Op" Shops.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs include doner kebabs, McDonalds, KFC, ice cream and
cans of UDL Bourbon and Coke; Passion Pop and VB.
Charities are also accepting cash donations through any Liquorland outlet.
$0.25 buys a ball point pen for filling in compensation forms; $5.00 buys
chips, sausages, gherkins, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of
nine; $20.00 will buy a packet of Winfield Blues 25s and a lighter to calm
the nerves of those affected.
Aid agencies have requested that no tents be sent into the affected area,
as the sight of posh housing is unfair on the population of the
neighbouring areas.
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