Was going to put this in the concurrent Favorite Quotes thread but this is much less profound. Post your own if you got one.
My soon to be 20 month old son on the changing table.
Me: Nooo Finn, now is not the time for that.
Finn: It's MY beep-beep!
I over heard a 4 year old girl at the Dr.'s office telling someone:
"My Daddy says the back street boys are the back door boys"
mitt
What is a sweater?
Kid replies: something I have to take on when mom is cold.
My 3 yr old in the shower after a swim at the YMCA...
pointing to the guy showing next to us...
"daddy, your penis is much bigger than his"
Quote from: ducsix on May 10, 2008, 02:48:31 PM
My 3 yr old in the shower after a swim at the YMCA...
pointing to the guy showing next to us...
"daddy, your penis is much bigger than his"
;:| ;:| How embarrasing was that?
mitt
Quote from: ducsix on May 10, 2008, 02:48:31 PM
My 3 yr old in the shower after a swim at the YMCA...
pointing to the guy showing next to us...
"daddy, your penis is much bigger than his"
ROFLMAO
As a teacher, I hear kids say crazy stuff everyday... (thankfully not stuff like that ^^^) ;)
I shave my head, and the kids like to debate where my hair has gone.
One discussion went something like this...
Kids: "What happened to your hair?"
Me: "I don't know... Did you take it?"
Kids: "I ate it!"
"I took it and threw it in a tree!"
"I put it in the trash!"
"It's in the sandbox!"
Then one girl steps up puts her hands out and says,
"That is NOT what happened... LOOK! It fell off of his head and landed on his arms!" [laugh]
[bacon]
Many years ago...daughter at dinner 4 years old...during weekend visit with her and her twin brother:
"You always want us to know how much you love us
Mommy always wants to know how much we love her"
4 year-old sized up what took me 11 years to figure out about their mother...yeah dad was sharp as a marble
My nephew, who was about 2-1/2 at the time, got put into time out.
His emphatic response..."I am a powerful man, and powerful men do not sit in time out!". His mom had a hard time not laughing. :o
That same nephew, during his "naked phase"...about the same age, or close:
"Mom, how come I can't put my balls in my mouth?" Mom had no chance on not laughing at that one. [laugh]
He's pretty much a quote machine. [laugh]
[laugh]
I'm sure I'll have another one by this afternoon..
Keep 'em coming!
[bacon]
My friends 3.5 yo son, when asked if he wanted a haircut
"No mommy, I don't need a haircut. I am already handsome."
my sister has 2 small quote machines. she is constantly putting up what they say on facebook.
one is 5 the other is 3.
her latest
"So [5 yr old] says to me in the car yesterday 'Mommy, remember that Daddy is smarter than you.' He is being charged with treason now."
Drop my 5 year old off for kindergarten. Teacher comes out and says Mr. Anzalone can I see you for a minute. Oh no what has she done now. The last time she made the boys cry with her words because they wouldn't play dress up and wear the dresses she picked out for them.
The teacher proceeds to tell me that yesterday after recess one of the boys asked if he could go to the bathroom when they get back into the class room. She responds with "of course you can." Another students say he has to go also. Then my daughter walks up and says "no no no no, when we get back in I'm going to the bathroom first. I've had pee in my vagina since before lunch! You guys can wait your turns!" She was pointing at the her privates while saying this.
The teacher and the aides got a good laugh out of it.
Seven year old nephew: I wonder hat will happen if I put a gummy bear in my water bottle?!?!
Four year old niece (looking at him like he's an idiot, with condescending tone): Um . . . it will dissolve.
Me: How do you know that?
Niece (looking at me like I'm a complete idiot, very heavy with the condescension now): *sigh* . . . I watch PBS.
[exit disgusted niece stage left]
My wife is crazy about little kids. So much so she works with 2-3 yo kiddos at a church pre school/mom's day out program. Can't get enough of them. She also watches one of the kids privately for one of the mom's for extra cash. Gus is a hoot, smart as heck, great memory and funny. He walked in the room and saw me looking at a motorcycle race video on the computer. He asked me what I was doing and I told him. His reply was "motorcycles are dangerous"!! [laugh] I thought my wife had put him up to it as a joke. She said she didn't do it but liked what he said. When his mom came to get him I told her about it and she said he got it from her. I asked her to stop poisoning the child's mind!! [laugh]
Another time my wife was backing out of the garage with Gus in his car seat. He was looking at my bikes and my wife asks him what he thinks about all the colorful motorcycles. His response was "motorcycles are ridiculous". Apparently he made that one up all by himself. But now my wife gets him to say the dangerous and ridiculous lines all the time like a parrot just to irritate me. [bang] Still damn funny to hear him say it. ;D
My first son when he was about 2.5 couldn't pronounce his "T"s very well.
He took every chance to tell people about his daddy's Big Black Cock! (big black truck)
Same son, at an ice cream parlor at about 4.5 years of age. He and his mom sat at a table with their single scoops in a cup.
When I finally came to the table with a matterhorn-like ice cream concoction, he looked at me and exclaimed, "Jesus make the beast with two backsING Christ that's a big sundae!"
I looked at my wife and said, "That's All You"! ......that's her pet phrase.....
My boy, not quite age 3, very proud of his new "big boy underpants" decorated with "Toy Story" characters, proudly explains to me that, "Dis is my Woody undehwheah, and dis is my Buzz Wight Heah underwheah," while pointing at the appropriate area.
I just about peed my pants.
Quote from: rgramjet on April 26, 2011, 02:15:23 PM
Same son, at an ice cream parlor at about 4.5 years of age. He and his mom sat at a table with their single scoops in a cup.
When I finally came to the table with a matterhorn-like ice cream concoction, he looked at me and exclaimed, "Jesus make the beast with two backsING Christ that's a big sundae!"
I looked at my wife and said, "That's All You"! ......that's her pet phrase.....
That's funny as hell!!! [laugh] [laugh]
Being the little mynah birds/parrots that they are. One of the Public Defenders in my court years ago told me her daughter (4-5 yo at the time) was in her car seat and mother in law was in the front passenger seat. A traffic light they were at turned green and the car in front of them waited a long time to react to the light. Little girl pops off with "step on the gas dumbshit, the light's green!" Mother in law asks the little girl where in the world that came from. She rats out Mom and says 'Mommy says that all the time". [laugh] [laugh] My PD said if she could have crawled under the floor mat she would have! ;D
Quote from: rgramjet on April 26, 2011, 02:08:40 PM
My first son when he was about 2.5 couldn't pronounce his "T"s very well.
He took every chance to tell people about his daddy's Big Black Cock! (big black truck)
When sophia was small, she used to pronounce "tr" as "f" - There were lots of "dumb make the beast with two backss" (dump trucks) on the road as there was lots of construction in our area.
Quote from: dolci on April 27, 2011, 06:55:17 AM
When sophia was small, she used to pronounce "tr" as "f" - There were lots of "dumb make the beast with two backss" (dump trucks) on the road as there was lots of construction in our area.
[laugh]
Nothing too quotable at school yesterday...
We'll see what today brings. ;D
[bacon]
Just about 3 years ago my then 8 year old was asked in school who takes from the rich and gives to the poor. His answer was the President.
Conversation with the gf's 6yo son last year...
Me: So I hear you have a new girlfriend at school.
Lou: Yeah I've got lots of girlfriends.
Me: Oh, really? How many?
Lou: 15
Me: Wow that's a lot. Do you have their phone #'s?
Lou: Nah. I don't need to talk to any of 'em.
Smart kid. [clap]
My 3 yo son to my cousin (who loves harleys)
Cousin: Do you like my bike?
Ducatiz Jr: No, it looks like a bus.
Quote from: dolci on April 27, 2011, 06:55:17 AM
When sophia was small, she used to pronounce "tr" as "f" - There were lots of "dumb make the beast with two backss" (dump trucks) on the road as there was lots of construction in our area.
My sister used to do that when she was little. "Look at the fire fwuck!"
Today on the play yard...
"Mr. Ryan, I'm going to give you a haircut!" (I shave my head)
"Oh, really? What kind of haircut are you going to give me?"
"A ponytail!" Another girl comes over... "I'm going to braid it!"
Now there's three 3/4 year olds... "Well, I'm going to dye it blonde!"
Me: "So, I'm getting a blonde, braided ponytail?"
Girl #2: "Yeah... And a Mohawk!" (her older brother has one) ;D
[bacon]
Quote from: The Bacon Junkie on April 27, 2011, 12:50:35 PM
Today on the play yard...
"Mr. Ryan, I'm going to give you a haircut!" (I shave my head)
"Oh, really? What kind of haircut are you going to give me?"
"A ponytail!" Another girl comes over... "I'm going to braid it!"
Now there's three 3/4 year olds... "Well, I'm going to dye it blonde!"
Me: "So, I'm getting a blonde, braided ponytail?"
Girl #2: "Yeah... And a Mohawk!" (her older brother has one) ;D
[bacon]
so.. you were on the play yard talking to toddlers for what reason?
Quote from: ducatiz on April 27, 2011, 01:03:08 PM
so.. you were on the play yard talking to toddlers for what reason?
Because I'm their teacher.
And, for the record, 3-4 year olds are preschool age. The toddler stage is between infancy and two-ish. They are no longer toddlers at age 3 and up. [thumbsup]
[bacon]
Do you give them bacon homework?
No, they bring him bacon instead of apples.
Quote from: cokey on April 27, 2011, 01:58:09 PM
Do you give them bacon homework?
Quote from: Speedbag on April 27, 2011, 02:09:43 PM
No, they bring him bacon instead of apples.
Close, actually! [laugh]
For a holiday gift, one of my families brought me an assortment of bacon chocolate and bacon novelty items, like bacon band-aids, bacon chapstick, baconaise, bacon salt... :D
Okay, quote of the day from a three year old. A few of them were putting together a giant floor puzzle of the planets. One of them had finished the part with Saturn on it.
I asked him, "Do you know what planet that is?"
He said, "Saturn. Saturn has rings."
Me: "That's right!" Not bad for a three year old, ya know?
Here's the part that blew me away....
Him: "Those are the rings..." (pointing to them) "The rings are... they're made out of, out of... something. They're made out of ice! ...and dust" :o
I was impressed... I didn't even know that! [laugh]
I love my job, even when people can't wrap their brains around the concept of a male preschool teacher. [roll] When I first started at the school, I had Security called on me a couple of times because someone reported "A large bald man near the kids." Okay, I'm only like 5'8". I used to be a gymnast, so I'm not tiny, but I'm not huge either... I teach a very exclusive school in SoCal. I had to get fingerprinted, security background checks through 3 separate agencies, and to get anywhere on campus, you have to swipe your badge at every entry/exit point, plus a security desk at both main entrances. Nobody gets in unless they're supposed to be there.
Close minded people who stereotype or immediately jump to conclusions bug me. It's like me finding out you're a lawyer and asking how many ambulances did you chase today, or people have you screwed over. :-\
[bacon]
Quote from: The Bacon Junkie on April 27, 2011, 01:13:53 PM
Because I'm their teacher.
And, for the record, 3-4 year olds are preschool age. The toddler stage is between infancy and two-ish. They are no longer toddlers at age 3 and up. [thumbsup]
[bacon]
well, good to know your name isn't "Aqualung"
Quote from: ducatiz on April 27, 2011, 07:20:39 PM
well, good to know your name isn't "Aqualung"
[roll]
(see above)
[bacon]
Quote from: The Bacon Junkie on April 27, 2011, 07:26:49 PM
[roll]
(see above)
[bacon]
i wasn't dissing your job! i was just glad to know it's a profession and not a hobby!
okay, thanks.
[bacon]
Quote from: The Bacon Junkie on April 27, 2011, 07:15:42 PM
Close, actually! [laugh]
For a holiday gift, one of my families brought me an assortment of bacon chocolate and bacon novelty items, like bacon band-aids, bacon chapstick, baconaise, bacon salt... :D
Okay, quote of the day from a three year old. A few of them were putting together a giant floor puzzle of the planets. One of them had finished the part with Saturn on it.
I asked him, "Do you know what planet that is?"
He said, "Saturn. Saturn has rings."
Me: "That's right!" Not bad for a three year old, ya know?
Here's the part that blew me away....
Him: "Those are the rings..." (pointing to them) "The rings are... they're made out of, out of... something. They're made out of ice! ...and dust" :o
Wow, that's one smart three year old. You've got some great kid quotes BCNJNKY, keep 'em coming!
[thumbsup]
p.s. bacon chocolate is amazingly delicious
[bacon]
Quote from: ducatiz on April 27, 2011, 07:39:06 PM
i wasn't dissing your job! i was just glad to know it's a profession and not a hobby!
[laugh]
Quote from: AJ on April 27, 2011, 07:49:03 PM
Wow, that's one smart three year old. You've got some great kid quotes BCNJNKY, keep 'em coming!
[thumbsup]
p.s. bacon chocolate is amazingly delicious
[bacon]
Thanks, AJ. :)
I'll probably have some more tomorrow... ;)
[bacon]
Being a Speech-Language Pathologist, I hear kid's artic errors all the time.
A couple years ago in TX, a preschooler came to class for a Halloween party..
Student: "Mr. "Iz", did you know it's Nigga-ween?!"
He then proceeds to sing his "nigga-ween" song to every student, teacher and parent in the classroom.
I was trying not to laugh. All I could think about was Eddie Murphy's "ice cream" song as I'm watching the kid dance around.
I spoke to his mom..who is African-Amer..she couldn't figure it out and was very embarrassed.
She finally saw a commercial on Nickelodeon a few days later for "Nick-o-ween".
[laugh]
Nick-o-ween!
;D
Quote from: The Bacon Junkie on April 27, 2011, 11:50:02 PM
[laugh]
Nick-o-ween!
;D
Have you heard of this?! ??? [cheeky]
Ya, from my nephew and niece. It's just marketing of Nickelodeon. They just use it during October to promote all the Halloween crap they put on tv is all...
Nothing special...
[bacon]
When my daughter was around 2 we turned off her cartoon because it was time for dinner and she immediately threw a tantrum.
I turned to my wife and said "Careful 'hon, we've got a TV junkie on our hands"
My daughter, in full tantrum says "I. AM. NOT. A. JUNKIE! JUST. ONE. MORE. SHOW. I promise it'll be my last show EVER."
I had to bite my lip to not lose it. My wife had to leave the room just so my daughter wouldn't see her laughing her ass off.
My son, who is about 2 1/2 poured his milk into my wife's cup at dinner (EWW, backwash), lanes over it observing his handiwork, takes a sip, and says "Ahhh, that's just right"
He also loves the movie 'Finding Nemo', and so he calls all fish "Nemo's", but he can't seem to say 9it right so he says "Look at all the Meanos".
The Doc
[laugh] these are hilarious!
About 2 years ago my youngest daughter comes in the bedroom and catches me changing, so I'm in my underwear. She takes one look at me and says, "Mommy! Daddy poop-pooped in the front of his panties!"
Panties? Should have expected that from having 2 little girls. But it looked like poop? :-[
Quote from: Bad Juju on April 29, 2011, 04:22:13 AM
[laugh] these are hilarious!
About 2 years ago my youngest daughter comes in the bedroom and catches me changing, so I'm in my underwear. She takes one look at me and says, "Mommy! Daddy poop-pooped in the front of his panties!"
Panties? Should have expected that from having 2 little girls. But it looked like poop? :-[
skid marks?
those would be some award winning skidmarks!
From yesterday:
The kids actually were cooperating while cleaning up and when they were done, I congratulated them on their teamwork and was handing out "Hi-5's".
One girl crossed her arms and gave me a funny look.
I asked her, "No Hi-5?"
Her answer: "I'm allergic to Hi-5's!" [laugh]
[bacon]
Quote from: The Bacon Junkie on April 29, 2011, 07:00:32 AM
From yesterday:
The kids actually were cooperating while cleaning up and when they were done, I congratulated them on their teamwork and was handing out "Hi-5's".
One girl crossed her arms and gave me a funny look.
I asked her, "No Hi-5?"
Her answer: "I'm allergic to Hi-5's!" [laugh]
[bacon]
She is going to be the pregnant dogy one in high school.
Quote from: Doctor Woodrow on April 28, 2011, 11:19:17 PM
He also loves the movie 'Finding Nemo', and so he calls all fish "Nemo's", but he can't seem to say 9it right so he says "Look at all the Meanos".
That movie is like crack. My son (18 months) calls fish either Dori or Nemo...that's what we think he's saying anyway! [laugh]
My now 5 year old son invented the word "poopdumb". Poopdumb means everything. It is an adjective, its a noun, its why things happen.
Somewhere I have a video of The Poopdumb Dance.
Why did I take a video of this dance you ask.........because of poopdumb of course.
Quote from: ducatiz on April 29, 2011, 07:35:49 AM
She is going to be the pregnant dogy one in high school.
Ya, she's a feisty one, alright! Super sweet and kind, though. If one of her friends is sad, she will always walk over to give them a hug or ask, "Ah you otay..?". ;D
[bacon]
My daughter has been a HUGE fan of coffee-flavored anything since about the age of 2. I can remember showing up at preschool and all the kids had put up their favorite flavors of ice cream
There were lots of vanillas, lots of chocolates, a few rogue strawberries and there was my daughter's...coffee coffee buzz buzz (Ben and Jerry's coffee ice cream with chocolate covered espresso beans). [thumbsup]
Well, you did introduce her to one of the most addictive substances in the world at an early age! [laugh] [thumbsup] [coffee]
Quote from: Punx Clever on April 29, 2011, 08:26:31 AM
Well, you did introduce her to one of the most addictive substances in the world at an early age! [laugh] [thumbsup] [coffee]
Ducati's?
;D
Quote from: alfisti on April 29, 2011, 09:53:40 AM
Ducati's?
;D
WELL....she has been introduced to the intoxication of fine Italian machinery!
Lesson on verbal vs. nonverbal communication with the 7th & 8th grade SPED classes today. We played a game of shirades afterwards. The students came up with some real zingers in their attempts to figure out what nonverbal message was being conveyed. :-X It's hard being the adult and keeping a straight face when the kids are cracking jokes the whole time. Every student in there is socially inappropriate and doesn't know the meaning of inner monologue. [laugh]
Quote from: IZ on May 04, 2011, 10:51:16 PM
Lesson on verbal vs. nonverbal communication with the 7th & 8th grade SPED classes today. We played a game of shirades afterwards. The students came up with some real zingers in their attempts to figure out what nonverbal message was being conveyed. :-X It's hard being the adult and keeping a straight face when the kids are cracking jokes the whole time. Every student in there is socially inappropriate and doesn't know the meaning of inner monologue. [laugh]
[laugh]
socially inappropriate
[laugh]
Quote from: Jacob on May 04, 2011, 11:48:22 PM
[laugh]
socially inappropriate
[laugh]
That's one of the "PC" terms they use to describe the behaviors.
If there was some kind of intervention at home with the kids and parents when they were younger, I wouldn't be dealing with half of them. [roll]
socially inappropriate describes everyone I know and work with
My wife was picking me up from work for lunch when my old boss walks up. He says hi to my girls and the oldest feels it is an invitation to tell him what she had for breakfast. She just blurts out that she ate "oatmeo cero and boobies". My wife was deeply embarrassed and quickly explained that her favorite breakfast was oatmeal cereal with blueberries.
Does not involve my own daughter, but I did overhear it! My boss (at the time) was a former LEO and a co-workers daughters new that. When they met Joe, the first thing the middle one did was look him up and down and then say,
"wow - you must really like those doughnuts" All of us within earshot lost it at that one (since it wasn't all that far from the truth)!
Just before vacation I was transferring old VHS tapes (yes...I know) of the 3 Stooges to DVD when my 8 yr old came in and sat down. After she started watching I asked if she knew what the show was called.
She said, "Yup, the Old Testement"
Quote from: dolci on May 09, 2011, 09:41:27 AM
Does not involve my own daughter, but I did overhear it! My boss (at the time) was a former LEO and a co-workers daughters new that. When they met Joe, the first thing the middle one did was look him up and down and then say,
"wow - you must really like those doughnuts" All of us within earshot lost it at that one (since it wasn't all that far from the truth)!
[laugh] [clap]