The Genuine/Official (more or less) NMMR Joke Thread

[Ratfink749]

Fact of Life:


After Monday and Tuesday...
even the calendar says

W T F

I like F day... 

[dusty]

I like F day... 

don't we all   

[Zaster]

Apparently they didn't consider the sun when designing this wall...



Anyone want to take a guess where this wall is located?

SAINT PETER'S BASILICA
Now that's funny! 

[KRJ]

   Maybe that's why it's St PETER'S       yeah.. I know..

[kingbaby]

Zaster & KRK.

Now that's funny 

I'm one that sees a joke & if it takes more than about three sentences to tell...I'm out.

It's easier to walk up my three flights of stairs & look in the mirror.   


Nice pecker, Peter. 

[Diavolo]

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an
Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope
with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.

But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it' s not only the passion…Dad, she's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so
Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can
get to know your grandchildren.

Love, Your Son John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.

I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer.

I love you.
Call me when it's safe to come home.

[ducducgooseme]

For the Saint Patty Irish in all of us:

An Irish man went to confession in St. Patrick's Catholic Church.

'Father', he confessed, 'it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Nookie Green twice last month.'
The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's.'
Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional. 'Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the past two months.'
This time, the priest questioned, 'Who is this Nookie Green?'
'A new woman in the neighborhood,' the sinner replied.
'Very well,' sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Mary's.;
At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.

The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasn't wearing any underwear.
The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, 'Is that Nookie Green?'
The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, 'No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes'.

[KRJ]

    A young couple were visiting the Art Museum when They came across a painting of three Irish coal miners waiting to shower after their shift. All three stood, covered in coal dust, completely black. Except for the Man in the middle, who had a white penis. as the couple stared at the scene, the museum curator approached, and began to explain how the picture represented the "white male dominance in the working society, etc.". He soon left and the couple were even more puzzled about the painting. Seeing their interest an Old Man walked up and asked if they wanted to know the real meaning of the painting. After explaining he was the artist, He told them "It has nothing to do with White, Black or society. They are just coal miners waiting to take a shower, and the Man in the middle simply went home for lunch!!"

    have a good St. Patty's day... and try to get home for lunch!

[Zaster]

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket?  I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied.  "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!", he exclaimed.
"Good", she replied.  "Get your own damn blanket."
After a moment of silence, he farted.

The End

[Zaster]

That smarts
HD PREMIERE!  The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon by Richard Gale

[Zaster]

This is the last phone you'll ever need:
xphone promo

[Cloner]

OK, Stuart....here's the lovely Dog I was telling you about this morning....

Dog treats Pikachu Bad

[Zaster]

Maybe a group buy for the older members might be in order
The Nut Bra | DeslGlitch VOTW

[kingbaby]

Does that come in a D cup?

[Ratfink749]

Lance.. This made me think of you..

http://www.lite.facebook.com/home.php?sk=lf#!/photo.php?pid=4638539&fbid=426461993467&id=61401738467&ref=nf



I'm hoping this posts and I dont have to rehost the image.