What do you talk about w/ the SO?

[erkishhorde]

So I've been in a long distance relationship about a year now and we're just reaching the end of the long distance part (I'm finally graduating) but now things are getting really bad since she says we don't talk enough. Back when my thesis deadline was far away I could always come up with things to talk about but now as it's reaching crunch time I got nothin' but complaints about my project not working and she obviously doesn't wanna listen to those. I've tried to tell her that it'll get better and we'll talk more once I'm done with school but it seems like it needs to get better right now or it's gonna break apart. I've got way too many other more important things to worry about right now.  I guess that statement right there says a lot but my feeling is that if I don't finish up then my job that I've lined up will be in jeopardy and she won't want to be with someone that doesn't have a job either (I know that for a fact).

So you got anything more than, "How was you're day today?" "I went to work/ school... like usual..."

[Grio]

Telling her just what you told us might go a long way to starting a real conversation.

[erkishhorde]

I tried that. Only seemed to help a bit. 

[KnightofNi]

tell her about the hot chick that lives across from you.

that's sure to get a conversation going.

[optiato]

Seems to me that once they get bored, you're doomed.  You can explain everything, they'll be fine for a day or two, then it's right back to crap.

I had a VERY similar experience, only it wasn't even long distance.  We worked opposite shifts, though I'd still see her on her "lunch" break as often as I could, but I worked early in the morning and her breaks were generally late at night and a half hour drive each way.

I think a lot of women expect it to always be in that "honeymoon phase" where everything is new and exciting.  The problem is.. it isn't.

[duqette]

"We don't talk enough" is often female code for "I don't feel connected to you." Which, given that you've got the long distance thing going, is entirely understandable.

Ask her what she wants to talk about. Ten to one she's got something on her mind.... And if not, you can always talk about the need for more talking and what to do about it.  If it's just a question of subject matter, because you aren't doing anything together, try doing something in tandem (like watching the same movie).

Then again, there's always phone sex. 

Then again, if there's nothing to talk about, maybe that tells you something about where the relationship is going....

[Jaman]

OK - I shouldn't even be commenting, but here goes...

I have been married for 8 years, together with her for 10.  I suk at conversation.  Never been eloquent, witty, good at small talk, etc.  I tend to be VERY monosyllabic, answer in grunts & groans.  The thing you speak of is something I was VERY worried about when I figured out that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this woman, it was eating at me.  So I spoke to her about it.  A few times.  I felt MUCH better. In 10 years, it has NEVER been an issue.   We are very comfortable together, and JUST BEING TOGETHER.

If the two of you are "meant" for each other, it will not be an issue, and I think that being together in the same town/home, and having more common daily experiences will help, as well as having that physical closeness.

My .02

J

[eyeboy]

tell her about the hot chick that lives across from you.

that's sure to get a conversation going.

+1. make sure you mention how much you like her butt, or how flat her stomach is. KnightofNi is right, it will for sure get something going... and if your fantasies are anything like mine... 

[Ash]

Ask her what she wants to talk about. Ten to one she's got something on her mind....

+1.  that's my guess too.

could be anything, but i have a feeling she's got something she wants to be able to tell you, but with you talking about your problems constantly, she doesn't feel "welcome" to talk.

again, as i don't personally know either one of you... this is just a guess based on what you wrote.

[erkishhorde]

The only reason I complain about school to her is because she says she doesn't want to always be the one that comes up with topic to talk about. I know complaining about school isn't really us talking but I don't really have anything else to talk about. I haven't had anything happen besides normal school stuff and don't have time to go out and do anything so that I have something to talk about.

[yamifixer]

AFTER 20 YEARS TOGETHER (almost 18 married) we talk about everything and sometimes nothing. Most weekdays we talk about what happened at work (her's mosty mine is way to boring), what the bulldogges are into, whats for supper (we spends HOURS on that one) lately we have been talking alot of politics.

We just set some ground rules real early on. no work on the weekends if possible. No screaming at each other (not productive) each others opinions are important no matter how silly it might seem to the other person.

[Ash]

The only reason I complain about school to her is because she says she doesn't want to always be the one that comes up with topic to talk about. I know complaining about school isn't really us talking but I don't really have anything else to talk about. I haven't had anything happen besides normal school stuff and don't have time to go out and do anything so that I have something to talk about.

go do something fun and new.  hell you might need it to relieve the stress anyway.

then you'll have something to talk about.

[DucPete]

I think a lot of women expect it to always be in that "honeymoon phase" where everything is new and exciting.  The problem is.. it isn't.

I don't like the fact that women often make this the responsibility of the guy.  It sounds like SHE wants to talk more about things of substance or things that entertain her, but she doesn't want to be the one responsible to figure out what that is. 

It shouldn't be your sole responsibility to keep it interesting especially with what you have going on.  There are lots of generalizations here, and I tend to agree with them as a generalization.  If the girl isn't willing to do her part than that's a pretty good sign of what's to come.  Maybe this is how she's working on it, so she may deserve SOME credit. 

It may also be a sign on her part of immaturity.  I haven't actually experienced this that much since college. 

[Grampa]

sing her a song

[jclin]

I don't like the fact that women often make this the responsibility of the guy.  It sounds like SHE wants to talk more about things of substance or things that entertain her, but she doesn't want to be the one responsible to figure out what that is. 

It shouldn't be your sole responsibility to keep it interesting especially with what you have going on.  There are lots of generalizations here, and I tend to agree with them as a generalization.  If the girl isn't willing to do her part than that's a pretty good sign of what's to come.  Maybe this is how she's working on it, so she may deserve SOME credit. 

It may also be a sign on her part of immaturity.  I haven't actually experienced this that much since college. 

DucPete has it right.

The problem is that when you can be physically together, it's easier to go without conversation because the connection is through contact (I'm talking about holding hands... sheesh!). In a long distance relationship, the only connection is through conversation, which puts your whole relationship dependent on the phone calls. Sure, at first it's easy because you can fall back to when you guys were hanging out at home, going out to eat, watching movies, gossiping, etc. After years, though, that becomes more history than current events, so now all you talk about is stuff that's happening this week, or last week. Since you guys are apart, it requires the collisions of your separate worlds. So, since it's a problem with both of you, she shares in at least 50% of the responsibility, or maybe even more since she's the one that is unsatisfied.

I hate to tell you this but speaking from experience, you have about a 15% chance of making it (I'm taking into account that if you were to get married, you'd have 50% chance of divorcing. I only use this percentage because I don't know anything about you... nothing personal). You need to solve this quickly, or you guys are done. I personally will never do a long-distance relationship ever again... unless we're married, but then I'll have a spiritual connection that is very difficult to break, so that helps. Anyway....

The other side of the coin is, what the hell do I know?