Your best story

[RAT900]

It's a long one but worth it.
    The story of how metallimonster blacked out 3 times in one day otherwise known as the craziest day of my life. 
   

This is some premium-grade debauchery...

I used to call the blackouts magical mystery tours...

my younger brother wanted a miners cap with a minicam (where the lamp would have been)

to record his lost moments for morning-after replay

[metallimonster]

Unfortunately I have a lot of blackout stories.  Some good some really really bad.

I really do not have an off switch when it comes to drinking.  2 is my limit if I want to stay sober if I have more than 2 it turns into 20.

A lot of the stuff I've done blacked out I'm glad I don't remember. 

[cyrus buelton]

my younger brother wanted a miners cap with a minicam (where the lamp would have been)

to record his lost moments for morning-after replay

www.gopro.com

[MendoDave]

Not my best story but it was a pretty good time nonetheless.

Back in the 90's I used to be a Naval Aircrewman and we flew C-130's all over the place providing logistical support to the fleet. Just about anything you could think of to put in the airplane we would take it. Somewhere. It was a pretty cool Job. On occasion I got a call at home from the Ops department asking me if I wanted to go to Puerto Rico. Naturally I said yes. So a couple of days later we are heading to Puerto Rico via Oceania Virgina. I can remember wondering why they didn't send one of the east coast squadrons to do this, but what did I care, I was going to Puerto Rico.

Two days later we are getting ready to leave the island, and we had been briefed that in addition to our 4 pallets of cargo we had two passengers. When The preflights were done and the Cargo loaded it became time of our 13:00 departure and there were no passengers. After we had three engines started the Pilot looked over at a nearby hanger and noticed a couple of sailors standing over there and told me to go find out if those were our guys. So finding out that they were, and they were about to get left, and they were holding up the pre taxi check list, namely 1.Doors secured,
2. Seat belts fastened...All) I got them on board and situated.  

So after we finished the after takeoff checklist, the flight crew had a discussion over our headsets about who the two knuckle heads were and what their malfunction was. We had them sitting by the back ramp door because the rest of the cargo compartment was filled with pallets, they of course had no Idea they were the topic of discussion. So after a while the Loadmaster and I were kicking it on top of one of the pallets about 2 feet from the ceiling when we had this bright Idea. We let the flight deck crew know that were were going to conduct a ditching drill with our two passengers. It's been a long time now so I can't remember all the details of ditching but we went and got the "Gumby suits" and 4 parachutes and came scrambling down off the cargo into the area where these guys were and announced that we were going to have to ditch in the Atlantic at night.

One guys eyes got as big as saucers as we explained how we were going to put this stuff on and when we got to 10,000 we would open the doors and jump out. The other guys face actually had excitement written all over it. It took us just over 5 minutes to get everybody in the orange anti exposure suits and get the parachutes on. One of us gave the brief about the decent to 10,000 feet so that the doors could be opened, and the jumping, and the water landing, the releasing of the parachute once in the water, and all that good stuff. We could only play that out so far before we had to tell them it was a training exercise. The Saucer eyed guy looked relieved and the other one looked disappointed.

A couple hours later we dropped them and the cargo off, and after putting the plane to bed so to speak, we got shuttled off to the Motel.

We were due back In Santa Clara the next day so we set off on the 8 hour flight back to Moffet Field. The Hercs are slow so things take a while. Just about 7 hours in to the flight the Flight Engineer says were losing oil quantity on number 2 pretty fast.  So fast in fact that a few seconds later they did the in flight engine shutdown. They had me and the LM look out to check out the engine to see if there was a fire or anything and I reported that the feathered prop was still rotating, something that it is not supposed to do. This can potentially be a real bad deal because an engine fire could result which in turn could cause the wing falling off light to come on in the flight station.
(there is no such light but you get the idea) The reduction gear box has a propeller brake that is supposed to stop the engine from rotating in flight in the prop feathered condition. It wasn't working.

So we had that, in addition to one out. An emergency was declared and we got vectors to Nellis AFB just 50 miles away. After two go arounds we landed the plane with out further incident and check out the engine. The first thing we looked at was the actual oil quantity there were only 4 gallons in the 12 gallon tank and it was the color of silver paint. Hmmm..So one of the pilots called the squadron to tell them we were broke down in Las Vegas and to send a rescue plane. After discovering that there was no place to stay on base we were forced to get rental cars and hotel rooms down town.....in Las Vegas...at government expense. It was just terrible I tell you, just terrible.
Of course we had a pretty good time. I would have liked to stay longer but the following afternoon they sent another plane with an engine and maintenance crew and took us back to Moffet.
Anyway it was a pretty good time all in all.





(Note: I used a little license here combining two separate missions into one, but aside from that the story is true)

[cyrus buelton]

Why do they drop to 10k feet before jumping? I remember when I went sky diving we would jump around 14,500'?



(that's a great story about the two sailors. That is make the beast with two backsing great.)

[ducatiz]

Yes, you know how I love someone shitting on my stomach.............you should know, you did proposition me once for that.

I just wanted to get at the front of the line -- I'm not the only one who'd like to poop on you..     

[cyrus buelton]

I just wanted to get at the front of the line -- I'm not the only one who'd like to poop on you..     

You are always at the front of the line.

I've already seen more of you then I ever care to in my life. Learn to operate a mobile phone dickhead.

[SacDuc]

Go reread the board rules. All poop fetish talk must happen over PM. Sorry, thems the rules.

sac

[cyrus buelton]

Go reread the board rules. All poop fetish talk must happen over PM. Sorry, thems the rules.

sac

I don't understand the rules.

They were written by an attorney, so they aren't supposed to make sense.

The only rule I know is this:

Moderators have final say on all rules and disciplinary action. Therefore, even if it is in the rules or not in the rules, you still get slapped.


How about you go spill another bottle of wine on yourself?

[SacDuc]

I don't understand the rules.

They were written by an attorney, so they aren't supposed to make sense.

The only rule I know is this:

Moderators have final say on all rules and disciplinary action. Therefore, even if it is in the rules or not in the rules, you still get slapped.


How about you go spill another bottle of wine on yourself?

No. I need to seek another mountain to climb. Any suggestions? You know, one's that don't involve poop.


sac

[El Matador]

I don't understand the rules.

They were written by an attorney, so they aren't supposed to make sense.

The only rule I know is this:

Moderators have final say on all rules and disciplinary action. Therefore, even if it is in the rules or not in the rules, you still get slapped.


How about you go spill another bottle of wine on yourself?

How bout you stop jacking and actively trying to get this awesome thread locked?

[NoisyDante]

make the beast with two backs the beer stuff!!..........You make the beast with two backsing scored Tinkerbell??....that icon of magical delicate and fragile beauty and innocence??  

and here you are sharing about getting wasted and having Tinkerbell in your hands...guess which one is more important??

Um, dude? This is the story thread. You don't just say you dated Tinker Bell and leave it at that. How make the beast with two backsing dare you! Now make with the story about the first time she brought the costume home.

Well to be honest there isn't a whole ton to tell about that, because as much as one would like to think that Tinker Bell is an absolute minx in the sack, she was actually one of the most wholesome girls I've ever met.  She was a looker though, but never did bring out the Tink costume for the bedroom.

But I did teach her how to drink.  She was not a big drinker at the time so I made her a variety of drinks, and she eventually started to like a few.  We got in to the parks for free of course, real special treatment everywhere we wen't cause her position came with privileges.  She would get recognized by children even when she wasn't in costume, so she had to be prepared to get into character real quick sometimes.  

On one occasion, after downing a few martinis, we were spotted at a restaurant by a 5 year old girl in a princess outfit who yelled, "It's Tinkerbell!"  So she knelt down and slurred out, "Herro leittle gurrll, haow argh yoo dis evuning?"  Disney World can be such a magical place sometimes.

My moment of childhood innocence thievery came at Animal Kingdom, hanging with Tinkerbell, and she was talking to a couple little kids.  I was drunk off my ass, and getting impatient, so I said, "Hey Tink, I'm gonna go take a leak, don't go anywhere."  I think one kid started to cry.

[RAT900]

Well to be honest there isn't a whole ton to tell about that, because as much as one would like to think that Tinker Bell is an absolute minx in the sack, she was actually one of the most wholesome girls I've ever met.  She was a looker though, but never did bring out the Tink costume for the bedroom.

But I did teach her how to drink.  She was not a big drinker at the time so I made her a variety of drinks, and she eventually started to like a few.  

agggghhhh of COURSE she was wholesome....they all start out that way...the more wholesome the better....your job was to make that a past-tense thing....holy make the beast with two backsing jeebus...ply them with alcohol laced with sweet mixers

and approach it like Michelangelo approached a block of marble....the true statue is trapped inside the stone...your job was to chip away the unnecessary chunks of morality and resistance in order that the full cum-belching demon harlot within,, could emerge into the light...

and then you could properly immortalize the piece by sharing with us the agony and the ecstasy (hers)

Dante...Dante...Dante...

[NoisyDante]

Dante...Dante...Dante...

What you say is true, and I know what you're thinking . . .





Gave it a shot, ultimately moved on to some other lovely ladies, but we're still good friends.  I recently helped her and her younger brother move out here to Los Angeles.  Reminds me, maybe I should give her a call . . .

[cyrus buelton]

No. I need to seek another mountain to climb. Any suggestions? You know, one's that don't involve poop.
sac

Gregor(mac)(sinister) and I are thinking about climbing Mt Hood or Rainer in Washington. Want to come? We were thinking this winter. I am sure some stories would come from that disastrous adventure

How bout you stop jacking and actively trying to get this awesome thread locked?

I was joking with the originator poster of this thread.


Post up a story. I've posted several. Not all have been glamorous or remotely normal (seriously, who gets asked to zip up a drag queens dress?), but that is what life is about. Crazy, weird, odd shit that makes it go round and worthwhile.

I'm going to now go ride a wheelie down my condo street. That should create a story of either me looping the bike or getting in trouble with the condo association and receiving a "fine."

yeehaw