I am....

[GAAN]

ah yes

the mummy bag lesson

there are several things to keep in mind when in the woods with

"friends"

one of those lessons is that you sleep with you pants on

and

you put your socks and boots in the bottom of the bag with you

as well as your knife in your pocket


epoxy happy mother make the beast with two backsers

[Speedbag]

I am crying with laughter....I can visualize the desperate squirming and writhing like some tormented Houdini attempting to struggle out of the locked and chained straightjacket before a fate worse than death itself   

+1

"omg......OMG......OMFG! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!"

[badgalbetty]

 I work with 35-45 dogs a day. I spend at least an hour picking up pooh of various sizes, lengths, consistencies, shapes and smells. One thing I can tell you though is this...do not give your dog turkey gravy, or beef gravy made from the drippings. Nothing like 45 dogs with the runs.... and the smell. Always lovely.
This thread is awful.Glad I could contribute!

[ungeheuer]

... The Chief of Chunder.   (Google it, foreigners  )

... The Nautical Nauseator.

... A Shite Cleric.

... The Emissary of Emetics  .

[RAT900]

The Caliph of CaCa    (inspirational credit goes to Ungeheuer with his Shite Cleric)

[rgramjet]

The Grand Poobah of Poopah!

[Billyzoom]

The Ayatollah of Assahola

LOL...you win...someone dig up a prize.

[rgramjet]

ah yes

the mummy bag lesson

there are several things to keep in mind when in the woods with

"friends"

one of those lessons is that you sleep with you pants on

and

you put your socks and boots in the bottom of the bag with you

as well as your knife in your pocket


epoxy happy mother make the beast with two backsers

The worst part is there was no epoxy involved.......

Just gallons of saurkraut/half chewed pork laden, wretched, vomit shooting out at an unmeasurable velocity......all over my friends brand new, unfired Ruger #1 in 45-70. He placed it under the cot, action open for "safe keeping". The room is small, maybe 12x18 and the 6 cots are in two rows of 3, about 12" apart.  

Its been said that I howled with laughter as I purged, then fell back asleep.

My one friend that claimed to sleep through this disaster (and not help clean up) later admitted that there was an open knothole in the pine cabin wall through which a stream of clean, cool air poured through.

I bought the cleanup crew a 12 pack of green bottle each for their efforts.

[RAT900]

Circa 1968 or 1969...Fillmore East...Steve Winwood or Dave Mason and friends...I forget...very hazy era

I convince a buddy to go see them with me...2 six packs of Carlsberg Elephant Malts and 1/4 ounce of Temple Ball Hash convinced him it was a good idea...hanging out with me was rarely a good idea back then.

Billy Graham used the Hells Angels as "ushers" in the Fillmore East and they brought a very special no-nonsense finesse to audience-management. If they saw a lighter fire up they would get on you fast...so my friend who was now 5 malts into the evening ate about 2 or 3 grams worth of the Hash after we really started pissing off the ushers and were getting close to being dragged out.....very bad idea this stuff was deadly to smoke...ingesting it was a guaranteed shift into a whole other dimension.

So the band is up on stage rocking on....40,000 Headmen or something....the noise wakes up my buddy....he leans forward and projectile vomits down the back of the mellow hippy dude sitting in front of him...Hippy stands up and sees how flat-out semi-conscious wasted my pal is...he decides to be mellow and cool about it and I give him a chunk of Temple Hash to play with.....

So the guy gets up and heads off to the bathroom to clean up....he is gone for about 10 minutes....long enough for my pal to come-around again, lean forward and puke again all over the back of the guy's seat and seat cushion....pal passes out again just as the mellow Hippy dude, now bare-chested is making his way back from the aisle to his seat

I was too stoned and drunk to make up my mind if I should tell the guy or just wait to see what happens....I decide to wait and see...the guy has his rinsed and wrung-out shirt over his shoulder...he sits down again...within about a half second which seemed like an eternity to me...I watch the guys face twist into a mask of rage that was pretty scary....Hippy stands up turns around and lunges at my unconscious friend choking him and hitting him

Now the "ushers" see this commotion...and it is the kind of stuff that is right up their alley....violence that needs the application of greater violence....three of these large emissaries of Sonny Barger's paradise start trampling over people to get at the incident, smacking anyone who complained as they stepped on them...arriving at our little nest of mayhem they are trying to size up who gets the escort to the alley

I look up at them, point at the hippy and say "he just went nuts on my buddy for no reason...must be on a bad Acid trip or something"...that was good enough for them...they drag the shirtless puke encrusted hippy over people seated alongside his vomit-pot seat...he is screaming and protesting and trying to explain the incident which only further provokes the Angels and they start giving him ham-fisted jabs to the face...I hear one of them say in outrage " this make the beast with two backser puked himself"

I dumped my buddy on his lawn at the end of the night...he called me the next day to ask if it was a good show and he wanted to know if he enjoyed it....I assured him he had a great time...the best...and maybe someday he would get wasted enough again to remember it........

[Adamm0621]

Christmas Day my wife had the stomach bug, the day after my son had it, and now it's all mine for the taking.  Don't you just love the holidays?  The spirit of sharing is in the air... and on the floor, and in the toilet, and half of my furniture (my son is two and a half).  This blows.

Oh yeah...

The Pontificator of Puke

[DesmoLu]

....drunk earlier than I have possibly ever been before. Scotch & old school Pink Floyd at 6 a.m. makes everything better, right?

[stopintime]

....drunk earlier than I have possibly ever been before. Scotch & old school Pink Floyd at 6 a.m. makes everything better, right?

Pink Floyd always works 

[DesmoLu]

Pink Floyd always works 

& scotch. don't forget the scotch too!

[lethe]

& scotch. don't forget the scotch too!

my wife's poison of choice too! 

[DesmoLu]

i applaud all women  who chose hard liquor over girl drinks!