Something one of the women at work said got me thinking.
if you have discussed marriage, and know he is going to ask you, how exactly can he get "the wrong thing"?
are you going to say no if he buys something that you find ugly? are you going to say "yes, but get me a diff ring?"
what are the thoughts on the ring? is there a good ring, a bad ring?
(i understand you would have to take the tastes of the person you are buying it for into acct so there will be differences in style, size, metal, and stones)
btw, what was said was "I'm so afraid he's going to get me something awful."
she's generally a very down to earth, realistic person. that just really threw me off.
the other 2 women in my pod kinda agreed with her.
my respone was along the lines of "it's already going to be stressful enough, he is also buying a house for the 2 of you, why are you so caught up on the ring?"
I didn't worry about it. I picked something that I thought looked nice and it was a hit. Something truly picked with the proper mindset that it takes to enter into an engagement should work. It helps to pay attention and be aware of things like white v. yellow gold preferences and stone shape preferences ~
JM
If you go out of your way to buy a nice ring, (even if its not to her taste) and there is crap about it,
Is that someone you really want to marry?
Good point Banished ~
JM
Whomever came up with the 3 month salary thing must be shot.
Good points by both Journeyman and Banished. If you're at the proposal stage, you ought to have a good idea of her tastes in jewelry. If not, ask. I would hope that getting engaged will not come as a surprise to her (in the vein of "never ask a question you don't know the answer to"). Find out what her tastes are.
Don't go big, either. Tastefully sized stones will do just fine...especially when she make the beast with two backss the pool boy and takes half your shit; you won't be pissed you bought a huge rock. [laugh] [laugh] Just kidding about that last part (sort of). ;D
Quote from: duccarlos on April 28, 2009, 09:05:02 AM
Whomever came up with the 3 month salary thing must be shot.
He/She should be, I didn't spend near that and my fiancée loves her ring and wants to show it off to everyone!
JM
Quote from: duccarlos on April 28, 2009, 09:05:02 AM
Whomever came up with the 3 month salary thing must be shot.
DeBeers did, I believe.
Give motogpfan a shout; he does good work and I found his prices fair.
+1 on Motogpfan, but try to catch him when he's not cranky. ;D
I'm just now finding out that I have to buy a second ring :P
She doesn't really want one but everyone is giving her crap for wanting to wear a diamond solitaire as a wedding ring.
The wraps for her ring look like crap, there is a ring she really likes for cheap (its a bunch of chips, but she really likes the style) but it would be wasting the nice stone in her engagement ring.
Getting married is spensive :P [laugh]
banished, see if motogp has something that can pair up with the original ring. ;)
I think the reason why they stress out about the ring is because that's something that they take with them everywhere so it's the easiest thing to show off. Also, it seems that anytime someone gets engaged women always want to see the ring so the pressure is on.
Funny thing is, I made my fiancée got band shopping with me because I didn't think I could pick out something to match her solitaire. However, she picked a plain & simple white gold band because she didn't want to draw attention from the solitaire. I would up with a Tungsten band for myself ~
JM
Quote from: The banished on April 28, 2009, 09:13:49 AM
I'm just now finding out that I have to buy a second ring :P
She doesn't really want one but everyone is giving her crap for wanting to wear a diamond solitaire as a wedding ring.
You don't have to, unless it is something that
she wants (not her friends). You will set yourself up for success if you can keep her focused on what she wants, instead of what all her friends/sisters/aunts/mom/etc. tell her she should want.
For what it's worth, my wife just wears one ring...many women do.
Quote from: Sinister on April 28, 2009, 09:07:02 AM
Good points by both Journeyman and Banished. If you're at the proposal stage, you ought to have a good idea of her tastes in jewelry. If not, ask. I would hope that getting engaged will not come as a surprise to her (in the vein of "never ask a question you don't know the answer to"). Find out what her tastes are.
+11ty billion.
Quote from: The banished on April 28, 2009, 09:13:49 AM
I'm just now finding out that I have to buy a second ring :P
She doesn't really want one but everyone is giving her crap for wanting to wear a diamond solitaire as a wedding ring.
The wraps for her ring look like crap, there is a ring she really likes for cheap (its a bunch of chips, but she really likes the style) but it would be wasting the nice stone in her engagement ring.
Getting married is spensive :P [laugh]
My wife just wears the solitaire that I gave her for the engagement. No one has ever given her crap about it. I keep offering to get her a wedding band, but she doesnt want one.
Quote from: Stu Pedasso on April 28, 2009, 09:33:15 AM
My wife just wears the solitaire that I gave her for the engagement. No one has ever given her crap about it. I keep offering to get her a wedding band, but she doesnt want one.
+1
mitt
My wife only wears her engagement ring (a band wouldn't go very well with it). No one has really said anything, and she loves it (which she should, since she picked it out).
From experience, if there is an issue with the ring, it probably stems from something much bigger...
Run Away! Run Away!
That being said, where do I send my $2.00?
+1 on Motogpfan
He does quality work and his pricing is very fair
Quote from: The banished on April 28, 2009, 09:03:01 AM
If you go out of your way to buy a nice ring, (even if its not to her taste) and there is crap about it,
Is that someone you really want to marry?
yeah, she didn't like it when i brought that up. ;D
one of the bonuses of sitting in a pod with all women is that all the rest of the women come over and cackle away and ooo and ahh over whatever happened with the others. i have heard the same basic conversation 4 times. it seems that she will still like it because it's from him and she loves him, blah blah lbah...she just might have preferred something else.
on a diff angle to this, one of them said exactly what she wanted, got it, but wanted something that he would have picked out for her.
so he's still in trouble. [laugh]
Quote from: duccarlos on April 28, 2009, 09:05:02 AM
Whomever came up with the 3 month salary thing must be shot.
3 month salary ?
yea OK.
I bought my wife a 3 ct sapphire with a diamond trillion on either side. Looks amazing, she gets compliments on it all the time and I spent less than a third than the same ring done in all diamonds.
Just tell her with all the corruption involved in the diamond industry, you cannot, in good conscience, contribute to such a thing. If she doesn't agree ask her what she'll want next, an ivory bracelet? If you can manage that with a straight face, you've won! [thumbsup]
PS, tell her you "designed it for her". Love that... [puke]
Maybe you should wait for a lady's perspective, and no Cyrus does not count as a lady.
Quote from: KnightofNi on April 28, 2009, 10:37:14 AM
one of the bonuses of sitting in a pod with all women is that all the rest of the women come over and cackle away...
That's a bonus? I think I would suck-start my pistol.
Quote from: duccarlos on April 28, 2009, 10:55:19 AM
and no Cyrus does not count as a lady.
Unless you're in Key West, and you've had at least four martinis, right Carlos? Bwhahahaahahahaha
Warning! Joke in bad taste.
Just tell her that you were willing to pay for the slaughter of innocent Africans to get that rock shes complaining about,
and if she keeps it up, well... she already knows what your willing to do.
That may shut her up. [laugh]
Weddings bring out the irrational in women. My wife who is generally even keel had a few uncharacteristically crazy person moments in the planning stages. They can't help it - they've been led to believe that this day is the romantic apogee of their lives. I am not saying that they all will turn into hysterical pregnant doges bridezillas, or that is in any way acceptable behavior. I am saying that women may have a very specific ideas to tying the knot that they may not have shared with you - expect the unexpected.
That said, I think it is OK if a woman very nicely expresses the desire to take a crack at picking out the ring if she absolutely hates it. When I bought by wife's I almost took the advice of the jewelers I spoke to and picked out a diamond and a placeholder ring to be replaced later with something she picked out. Luckily, she liked the one I gave her. So she says.
I can't wait until synthetic diamonds (http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/11.09/diamond.html) are perfected. make the beast with two backs De Beers.
Quote from: duccarlos on April 28, 2009, 10:55:19 AM
Maybe you should wait for a lady's perspective, and no Cyrus does not count as a lady.
I agree with what the majority of you guys have said.
- It should be something discussed beforehand or you should have a good idea of what she likes.
- If she's focused on the size and cost of the ring, then some re-evaluation should occur.
- It should be something meaningful; its a symbol of your love, not a symbol of how much money you make.
Oh, and guys, don't forget about family heirlooms that may be passed down amongst the women. This option can save you money and work out very well. ;)
If you want to propose and let her design a ring afterwards, pick up an inexpensive ring to just use for presenting to her. If she's a good woman, she'll be more focused on the fact that you proposed, not the ring itself.
Neat article on synthetic diamonds! I read all 6 pages with interest.
Good point JB [thumbsup]
My fiancée said a Cracker Jack box ring would have still gotten a yes [laugh]
JM
Quote from: JBubble on April 28, 2009, 11:20:45 AM
IOh, and guys, don't forget about family heirlooms that may be passed down amongst the women. This option can save you money and work out very well. ;)
Get a pre-nup on these family heirlooms. PLEASE!!!!
To avoid getting the wrong ring I did my research first.
I found something I knew she would like.
Then took her to the jeweler, where he showed her the ring and a few diamonds. She didn't know what was going on. I wanted to make sure she liked it before I payed a butt load. Then he set the diamond and it was like I had the ring made especially for her.
Quote from: JBubble on April 28, 2009, 11:20:45 AM
- It should be something discussed beforehand or you should have a good idea of what she likes.
- If she's focused on the size and cost of the ring, then some re-evaluation should occur.
- It should be something meaningful; its a symbol of your love, not a symbol of how much money you make.
When I was cleaning out my mother's toyota for her to trade in, I found this absolutely *hideous* ring on the floor. It was clearly toy jewelry-it was silver with breen and blue lines on it.
That was Paula's engagement ring. I'm pretty sure I threw it at her and insisted she wear it.
Quote from: MrIncredible on April 28, 2009, 12:30:55 PM
When I was cleaning out my mother's toyota for her to trade in, I found this absolutely *hideous* ring on the floor. It was clearly toy jewelry-it was silver with breen and blue lines on it.
That was Paula's engagement ring. I'm pretty sure I threw it at her and insisted she wear it.
I think it critical to add "Your Mileage May Vary" to this post. [laugh]
Quote from: Sinister on April 28, 2009, 10:56:20 AM
That's a bonus? I think I would suck-start my pistol.
there was a fair bit of sarcasm in that statement.
i'm going to print out most of this thread and let her read it. i'll prob get smacked or at least she'll tell me to make the beast with two backs off. hahaha
Quote from: MrIncredible on April 28, 2009, 12:30:55 PM
When I was cleaning out my mother's toyota for her to trade in, I found this absolutely *hideous* ring on the floor. It was clearly toy jewelry-it was silver with breen and blue lines on it.
That was Paula's engagement ring. I'm pretty sure I threw it at her and insisted she wear it.
i told kathy if i ever proposed i would make her a ring out of bubble gum wrappers and duct tape.
either that or take her to get her ring tattooed on [thumbsup]
Quote from: Sinister on April 28, 2009, 12:34:10 PM
I think it critical to add "Your Mileage May Vary" to this post. [laugh]
Just insist it is a "symbol of our love" so if the material is all that matters, she's cheapening your feelings for her.
You'll just end up disappointing her and being a manipulative cheapskate in the long run. May as well start off that way.
Quote from: MrIncredible on April 28, 2009, 12:47:01 PM
You'll just end up disappointing her and being a manipulative cheapskate in the long run. May as well start off that way.
I resemble that remark!
[thumbsup]
+1 to Jbubble.
I gave my wife my grandmothers engagement ring when I proposed. I also got both families into the plot, and had my mother give it to her mother, who acted as courier when she came for a visit.
I then proposed to her at our sports car clubs annual awards dinner. Had the emcee announce a "special award", and I got down on one knee.
She's gotten plenty of bling over the years since then, but that's the only ring she never takes off.
I had Honeydude do my investigative work when Tiffer's was still living in Florida.
It worked out well.
Quote from: Sinister on April 28, 2009, 09:07:57 AM
DeBeers did, I believe.
Ha - yeah the same people who sold the world on the value of a stone as common as a diamond. Brilliant marketing! [thumbsup]
Quote from: MrIncredible on April 28, 2009, 12:30:55 PM
When I was cleaning out my mother's toyota for her to trade in, I found this absolutely *hideous* ring on the floor. It was clearly toy jewelry-it was silver with breen and blue lines on it.
That was Paula's engagement ring. I'm pretty sure I threw it at her and insisted she wear it.
Yep, you did.
Here's my cracker jack engagement ring. ;D
(http://paularickert.net/albums/userpics/paula-ring.JPG)
Fortunately I only had to wear it for a week. [cheeky]
Quote from: KnightofNi on April 28, 2009, 12:38:44 PM
i told kathy if i ever proposed i would make her a ring out of bubble gum wrappers and duct tape.
friend of mine gave his girl a zip-tie ring [thumbsup] as high-maintenance as she is, she loved it [thumbsup]
and this whole 3 month salary to ring thing... we're not talking gross, are we? I don't even buy myself shit that expensive ;D
Quote from: the_Journeyman on April 28, 2009, 11:47:08 AM
Good point JB [thumbsup]
My fiancée said a Cracker Jack box ring would have still gotten a yes [laugh]
JM
no woman actually means that
Quote from: That Nice Guy Beck! on April 28, 2009, 10:02:55 PM
no woman actually means that
You didn't see my ring two posts up?
Quote from: somegirl on April 28, 2009, 10:06:17 PM
You didn't see my ring two posts up?
I did, but I also read the fine print. ;)
Quote from: Sinister on April 29, 2009, 06:31:09 AM
I did, but I also read the fine print. ;)
;D I only stopped wearing it cause we got married though, that is my one and only engagement ring. And it wasn't the looks but the fact that it was too big that bothered me. ;)
Quote from: That Nice Guy Beck! on April 28, 2009, 10:02:55 PM
no woman actually means that
Bullshit.
Hell, we've already discussed a wooden ring (turns out to be more expensive then I thought), one that I already have, my high school ring, and a piece of string. My mom didn't have an engagement ring and my parents have been married for 35 years.
So yes, there are some women out there who aren't so uber materialistic that they need something super shiny and nice for a ring. [roll]
I didn't read the whole thing.
I went with the 3 month thing. This was almost 10 years ago too.
Glad I did it then because I make much more money than ten years ago. ;D
Quote from: JBubble on April 29, 2009, 07:17:27 AM
Bullshit.
Hell, we've already discussed a wooden ring (turns out to be more expensive then I thought), one that I already have, my high school ring, and a piece of string. My mom didn't have an engagement ring and my parents have been married for 35 years.
So yes, there are some women out there who aren't so uber materialistic that they need something super shiny and nice for a ring. [roll]
if you work and make decent money no woman REALLY means she doesnt want a nice ring, they fkin dream about this shitt since they are 10 years old, they dont want a wooden ring or a piece of string, actually when a woman says that they really mean they want a rock!
if a woman says no they mean yes, sort of like when you tell her honey we're going to vegas bachelor party we're gonna go to strip clubs and do tons of blow all wknd.... and shes like ok baby have fun!! , she dont mean it
personally id feel like an ass if i owned a 12k motorcycle and gave my girl a cheap $5 ring for an engagement, thats just me.. that shitt dont work you think it does but that shitt lays deep inside of them
How long you been married, Beck?
Quote from: Statler on April 29, 2009, 07:40:42 AM
How long you been married, Beck?
Hah! Was kind of wondering that myself. While ostentation is unnecessary (IMO), I do think
something nice is a good move.
Wow.
[roll]
Quote from: That Nice Guy Beck! on April 29, 2009, 07:37:45 AM
personally id feel like an ass if i owned a 12k motorcycle and gave my girl a cheap $5 ring for an engagement, thats just me.. that shitt dont work you think it does but that shitt lays deep inside of them
My GF thinks im an ass for spending what i have on my 1098 and still not getting her a ring! :P
Quote from: That Nice Guy Beck! on April 29, 2009, 07:37:45 AM
personally id feel like an ass if i owned a 12k motorcycle and gave my girl a cheap $5 ring for an engagement, thats just me.. that shitt dont work you think it does but that shitt lays deep inside of them
That is bullshit, dude.
A marriage is not about a ring. It isn't about a diamond. It isn't about how big the ring is or how much it costs.
If that is the definition of marriage to someone, then they should re-think the process and commitment.
If you are basing a marriage on a ring, chances are the marriage won't last very long.
A agree Cyrus!
FTR - I about 1 fouth of the purchase price of either of the Ducati's I own when I picked out a ring. I didn't go in with a "what to spend" number in my head. I looked and found something I liked, THEN asked the price ~
JM
Quote from: cyrus buelton on April 29, 2009, 08:17:02 AM
A marriage is not about a ring. It isn't about a diamond. It isn't about how big the ring is or how much it costs.
If that is the definition of marriage to someone, then they should re-think the process and commitment.
If you are basing a marriage on a ring, chances are the marriage won't last very long.
While I agree, to a point, I would also point out that a wedding ring is (should be) a symbol. How much value you place on that symbol is an individual thing.
When we got engaged I got what I could afford at the time. She sure as hell was not with me for the money lol. When I finish school I will get her something else. Not because she asked for it but because I want her to have that piece of jewelry that she can show off. She doesn't ask for much and I am not planning on getting her something ridiculously huge as I think that just looks gaudy. I will probably stop at no more than a full carat solitaire with a nice wrap.
Honestly I don't see why people get carried away with all this ring crap. The ring has nothing to do with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
I did research on how much I should expect to pay beforehand for a 3-4 Carat emerald (I think diamonds are crystalline evil incarnate)
Three months salary? Nice try DeBeers... One month take home pay.
I found a good jewelery store who a) worked with me on a design
and b) most importantly would let me exchange the ring if she didn't like it
The only mistake I made was to nick a ring from her jewelery box for sizing purposes. Apparently I picked an old ring she never wore, that she'd inherited from an aunt. An aunt with freakishly large man hands
Still, she loved the ring, and the store resized it at no charge.
She then spent the the next few months randomly sticking the ring in my face and shouting "BLING!" ;D
Quote from: cyrus buelton on April 29, 2009, 08:17:02 AM
That is bullshit, dude.
A marriage is not about a ring. It isn't about a diamond. It isn't about how big the ring is or how much it costs.
If that is the definition of marriage to someone, then they should re-think the process and commitment.
If you are basing a marriage on a ring, chances are the marriage won't last very long.
+11ty billion. It's not about the rings. As far as cheap?
My skipping the "three months salary" crap and us skipping the huge wedding enabled us to make an offer on our house within a week of getting hitched.
Priorities.
Quote from: Sinister on April 29, 2009, 08:21:51 AM
While I agree, to a point, I would also point out that a wedding ring is (should be) a symbol. How much value you place on that symbol is an individual thing.
Yes, it is a symbol but not sure spending 1,000$ or 20,000$ would be anymore symbolic.
Quote from: cyrus buelton on April 29, 2009, 08:29:57 AM
Yes, it is a symbol but not sure spending 1,000$ or 20,000$ would be anymore symbolic.
I believe that's why he said how much value is placed on that symbol is an individual thing.
We of course look at this from our own perspective and our experiences with the significant other in our lives....but certainly we all know couples who get along fabulaously and are likely happy for a long time but who individually would drive us crazy in a relationship. A friend from law school was big on the giant rock engagement ring thing. Her husband was too...happy couple.
Just have to find someone whose craziness lines up with your own.
Quote from: cyrus buelton on April 29, 2009, 08:17:02 AM
That is bullshit, dude.
A marriage is not about a ring. It isn't about a diamond. It isn't about how big the ring is or how much it costs.
If that is the definition of marriage to someone, then they should re-think the process and commitment.
If you are basing a marriage on a ring, chances are the marriage won't last very long.
is that what you told her? (just busting balls bro)
I hear ya of course marrige itself is not about the but sir dont think for a second that THAT RING isnt something to her. it is. just like when we show off our bikes and cars to our friends and we name our bikes and wash the bike everyday, they feel teh same way about that ring, of course it doesnt have to be a 100,000 ring im not saying that, but at the same time to give a girla cheap piece of silver if you work for a living to me is bull, to each is own and i cant point fingers but personally my girls gonna get a ROCK why? because she deserves it thats why. now on the other hand if i was outta work thats a different story, anything would do but sir if your making money and riding ducatis buying a cheap ring dont fly, theyll tell you its ok but TRUUUUUUSSSS UUUSSST me.. its not.
plus im albanian and my girls israeli... imagine that wedding... whoa!
I guess that answers Statler's question.
There are exceptions. Every girl is different, of course.
Quote from: Sinister on April 29, 2009, 09:35:10 AM
I guess that answers Statler's question.
Every girl is different, of course.
not when it comes to diamonds.
Quote from: Sinister on April 29, 2009, 09:35:10 AM
I guess that answers Statler's question.
There are exceptions. Every girl is different, of course.
Quote from: That Nice Guy Beck! on April 29, 2009, 09:13:02 AM
is that what you told her? (just busting balls bro)
I hear ya of course marrige itself is not about the but sir dont think for a second that THAT RING isnt something to her. it is. just like when we show off our bikes and cars to our friends and we name our bikes and wash the bike everyday, they feel teh same way about that ring, of course it doesnt have to be a 100,000 ring im not saying that, but at the same time to give a girla cheap piece of silver if you work for a living to me is bull, to each is own and i cant point fingers but personally my girls gonna get a ROCK why? because she deserves it thats why. now on the other hand if i was outta work thats a different story, anything would do but sir if your making money and riding ducatis buying a cheap ring dont fly, theyll tell you its ok but TRUUUUUUSSSS UUUSSST me.. its not.
plus im albanian and my girls israeli... imagine that wedding... whoa!
Every girl is different.
I didn't buy my wife a cheap ring, but I didn't spend 3 months salary on it either.
Wow.....yeah.....that will be one hell of a bash. [thumbsup]
Quote from: JBubble on April 29, 2009, 10:28:03 AM
you really don't get it.
I get it I do, but women are crazy when it comes to weddings thats all im saying.
Quote from: cyrus buelton on April 29, 2009, 10:42:43 AM
I didn't buy my wife a cheap ring, but I didn't spend 3 months salary on it either.
This worked for me [thumbsup] It was pretty, unique style that was manufactured for less than a year so it's not likely she'll encounter another bride-to-be flashing the same ring either. Didn't even kill off an entire month's take-home pay and I'm far from being a Rockefeller ~
JM
Quote from: the_Journeyman on April 29, 2009, 11:18:10 AM
This worked for me [thumbsup] It was pretty, unique style that was manufactured for less than a year so it's not likely she'll encounter another bride-to-be flashing the same ring either. Didn't even kill off an entire month's take-home pay and I'm far from being a Rockefeller ~
JM
My wife actually found her ring while at Nick (motogpfan) and Suzy (Honeydude's) jewelery shop.
I think they got it in an estate sale. It was an antique setting that was lacking a center stone.
Suzy held on to it, tipped me off Tiffany loved it and then we got a stone for it.
Quote from: That Nice Guy Beck! on April 29, 2009, 11:14:08 AM
I get it I do, but women are crazy when it comes to weddings thats all im saying.
No.
Quote from: That Nice Guy Beck! on April 29, 2009, 11:14:08 AM
I get it I do, but women are crazy when it comes to weddings thats all im saying.
Quote from: JBubble on April 29, 2009, 11:27:45 AM
No.
As what Statler said:
All women are different.
I have seen plenty of friends have their girlfriend drop all these hints for huge expensive diamonds and a big ass wedding.
The guy would buy the ring.
I've also seen the exact opposite.
Small, non-expensive ring and a family wedding.
bottom line is:
WHO CARES?
If it is not you in that situation, then I wouldn't lose sleep over it.
Quote from: cyrus buelton on April 29, 2009, 11:33:59 AM
bottom line is:
WHO CARES?
If it is not you in that situation, then I wouldn't lose sleep over it.
Right, but if you DO buy your girl a real simple, plain ring, and she is one of those 'gotta-have-a-rock-or-i'll-die' girls, please share the drama. We love that shit. [laugh] [laugh]
Quote from: Sinister on April 29, 2009, 11:43:29 AM
Right, but if you DO buy your girl a real simple, plain ring, and she is one of those 'gotta-have-a-rock-or-i'll-die' girls, please share the drama. We love that shit. [laugh] [laugh]
Now that is true [thumbsup]
My brother's college roommate had a girlfriend like that.
This broad actually had the nerve to go register at a jewelery stores in Indianapolis (The shane company).
They had on file her ring size, stone likes, clarity likes, size, type of setting, the material, etc.
So then she started dropping hints to him and giving him the information.
He dumped her ass
[laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh]
Quote from: Sinister on April 29, 2009, 11:43:29 AM
Right, but if you DO buy your girl a real simple, plain ring, and she is one of those 'gotta-have-a-rock-or-i'll-die' girls, please share the drama. We love that shit. [laugh] [laugh]
hahahahhaha. [thumbsup]
so...G has a rather small heart-shaped diamond engagement ring. We were students.
At ten years while in the Carribean I got her earrings that each matched the diamond in size (more triangle cut but you can't tell without taking them all off and looking closely).
Recently the prongs on her ring needed to be fixed and so she wasn't wearing it so as to not lose the stone. I was supposed to get it fixed and as is typical I delayed for a very long time. I finally got around to it, but as a surprise I had a new setting done to put a ruby on each side of the original diamond. Looked great, kept the theme, and was fun to see her face when she got it.
That original stone may be added to, but won't ever be traded in for something bigger. It's got some sentimental value now.
The thing that this thread brings to my mind is communication. Some couples have it; some don't. It sure helps longevity.
Perhaps with the women who want a certain ring there is some compromise to both understand and appreciate why it is important to her, and to maybe do something you don't understand simply because it makes your partner happy.
IIRC Shane's isn't on the affordable list for average Joe's like me either!
JM
Quote from: Statler on April 29, 2009, 12:02:45 PM
Perhaps with the women who want a certain ring there are unresolved 'daddy' issues that can be exploited later.
I wasn't going to say it, but I think you may be right.
[laugh]
<Edit by Statler: this post is kind of obviously not mine, but it would still be polite to point out that the quote was changed from the original with either a "fixed it" or a color difference>
Quote from: the_Journeyman on April 29, 2009, 12:03:08 PM
IIRC Shane's isn't on the affordable list for average Joe's like me either!
JM
Shane Company sells crap stones.
My Dad bought my mom's engagement ring there in 1968.
they had a guarantee that if you paid more than your ring is appraised for elsewhere, they will give you your money back.
Needless to say, the ring was worth shit and he returned it.
Quote from: cyrus buelton on April 29, 2009, 12:28:08 PM
Shane Company sells crap stones.
My Dad bought my mom's engagement ring there in 1968.
they had a guarantee that if you paid more than your ring is appraised for elsewhere, they will give you your money back.
Needless to say, the ring was worth shit and he returned it.
Rich doctor = cheap bastard. Like father, like son, I see. [cheeky]
Quote from: Sinister on April 29, 2009, 12:38:33 PM
Rich doctor = cheap bastard. Like father, like son, I see. [cheeky]
Not quite.
He was in med school at the time
Quote from: cyrus buelton on April 29, 2009, 01:08:27 PM
Not quite.
He was in med school at the time
You know I'm just bustin' ya. [cheeky]
where be nick?
i can understand what the women think, if the guy is going to spend a lot of money on a ring she doesn't want him buying an ugly thing that she won't like, also if she has to wear it all the time then who wants to wear an ugly something.
yuou guys are assuming that people have good taste, this is not always the case.
i agree with guys that say it shouldnt' be about the ring, that is true, but if you are even willing to go along with this tradition it shows you are "giving in' to going with the motions so if you really objected to it you would say no and be done with it, bu ty ou don't bc you realize its "something you just have to do".
the whol e 2weeks salary, 2 months salary, was smething debeers came up with, basicaly its like asking a crack dealer what the price of crack should be, duh..
in the long run it really don't matter, if a person wants a ring and you mess up thin fine you mess up, if you don't you don't eveyrone is different. we are all illogical in our own ways, so judging someone based on if they want this or that ring is just as stupid as judging someone based on what motorcycle they buy..
goodluck.
honey i really dont want that 1098 R
instead just get me that honda spree!
[popcorn]
Okay, I'll bite and toss in another woman's perspective.
When B and I got engaged we went and looked at rings together. He knows I'm really particular about jewelry, therefore I don't wear much, b/c I rarely find anything I like. He suggested I start figuring out what I like.
I really wanted my father's mother's ring, but my dad wouldn't part with it.
I have always liked the "Etoile" collection from Tiffany's, mostly because it is simple and has no prongs. I work a lot with my hands and I can't be bothered with worrying about catching a prong or wearing gloves. B said Tiffany's was out. So I looked for similar settings, found a designer I liked, and where we could buy the setting locally.
Then we went and looked the settings and loose stones in person. We didn't get a good vibe at the first place we went, but the second place was spot on. We worked with the jeweler and designer to get exactly what I wanted, a simplified version an existing design, thus making it a one-of-a-kind. The stone was chosen, NOT based on ct sized, but what looked good/proportional on my hand and could be accommodated in the setting.
The ring I ended up with FAR exceeded any expectation of what I wanted. It was/is perfect.
B spent less on my ring than he did on my first Duc.
It really has nothing to do with size, but the thought/care put into the ring.
Quote from: That Nice Guy Beck! on April 29, 2009, 04:23:43 PM
honey i really dont want that 1098 R
instead just get me that honda spree!
if the scooter fits.
Quote from: DesmoDiva on April 29, 2009, 04:29:25 PM
[laugh] [laugh] [laugh]
youd be happy if your man gave you a cracker jack ring?
seriously?
and dont give me that oh love concurs all crap either.
your man works makes decent money , buys you a $20 engagement ring would that fly?
Quote from: That Nice Guy Beck! on April 29, 2009, 04:51:01 PM
youd be happy if your man gave you a cracker jack ring?
seriously?
and dont give me that oh love concurs all crap either.
your man works makes decent money , buys you a $20 engagement ring would that fly?
Yes, I would have.
Because he also bought me hot Italian sex on wheels. [moto]
Quote from: DesmoDiva on April 29, 2009, 04:53:56 PM
he also bought me hot Italian sex on wheels. [moto]
he bought you a ferrari?
Quote from: DesmoDiva on April 29, 2009, 04:58:58 PM
The next best thing....
A Ducati.....
yea you posted pics right? black 749?
I have a dark, arent they pretty?
but seriously if your man threw you a $5 ring and he was banking over 100k a year and DIDNT buy you that hot 749 love or no love youd be bent, come on be real now.
I was thinking he got you a poolboy with slicked back hair riding a honda spree....but a Duc works too.
Quote from: That Nice Guy Beck! on April 29, 2009, 05:02:15 PM
yea you posted pics right? black 749?
I have a dark, arent they pretty?
but seriously if your man threw you a $5 ring and he was banking over 100k a year and DIDNT buy you that hot 749 love or no love youd be bent, come on be real now.
you are obviously coming from a position or thought where the money and monetary decisions in a relationship stays very separate. The perspective changes a lot when that basic assumption is not true. No judgements....just a very different way of being together.
Quote from: That Nice Guy Beck! on April 29, 2009, 05:02:15 PM
yea you posted pics right? black 749?
I have a dark, arent they pretty?
but seriously if your man threw you a $5 ring and he was banking over 100k a year and DIDNT buy you that hot 749 love or no love youd be bent, come on be real now.
The 749 was actually a wedding present.
A Monster 695 came before that. I also inherited his ST4, when he bought an ST4s.
Seriously, I'm far too practical to care about bling.
To be honest, if he had bought me the equivalent $$$ as power/wood working tools I would be just as happy, if not happier.
Quote from: Statler on April 29, 2009, 05:08:02 PM
you are obviously coming from a position or thought where the money and monetary decisions in a relationship stays very separate. The perspective changes a lot when that basic assumption is not true. No judgements....just a very different way of being together.
talking about an engagement ring, its one thing if times are rough and one cannot afford something nice, its another thing if the guy has a jay oh bee and still goes out and gets her the cheap fi dolla jammie from canal street.
Quote from: DesmoDiva on April 29, 2009, 05:10:36 PM
The 749 was actually a wedding present.
A Monster 695 came before that. I also inherited his ST4, when he bought an ST4s.
Seriously, I'm far too practicle to care about bling.
To be honest, if he had bought me the equvilant $$$ as power/wood working tools I would be just as happy, if not happier.
hey thats fair, I never bought my girl a piece of jewlery ever in our 5 year relationship, well except for a nice watch, but when and IF* ring day does come im buying her the glenn garry ring, because shes my sexy hot little israeli and she deserves it, if she was into bikes id get her a white 848 right now. but diva your man sounds like a great guy lucky you [thumbsup]
Quote from: That Nice Guy Beck! on April 29, 2009, 05:02:15 PM
but seriously if your man threw you a $5 ring and he was banking over 100k a year and DIDNT buy you that hot 749 love or no love youd be bent, come on be real now.
No. I would not be bent. Not every girl thinks that way but there are some of us who truly do not care. Have you seen somegirl's ring? Not every girl thinks how you assume they do. That's what several of us have been trying to explain.
Quote from: That Nice Guy Beck! on April 29, 2009, 05:02:15 PM
but seriously if your man threw you a $5 ring and he was banking over 100k a year and DIDNT buy you that hot 749 love or no love youd be bent, come on be real now.
Uh, I threw the wife a 50 cent ring and I do alright. Girl was not bent. Girl was excited. It was about me spending forever with her an no one else, not about how much money I could sink into something shiny.
Sorry dude-95% of the people in here are telling you you're off base because you are. Not all girls are materialistic-just because you can't imagine it doesn't mean it's not true.
Quote from: MrIncredible on April 29, 2009, 08:04:18 PM
Sorry dude-95% of the people in here are telling you you're off base because you are. Not all girls are materialistic-just because you can't imagine it doesn't mean it's not true.
I don't think he is totally off base.
there are A LOT of women that think that way.
Just so happens they are not on this board.
Quote from: cyrus buelton on April 30, 2009, 07:12:53 AM
I don't think he is totally off base.
there are A LOT of women that think that way.
Just so happens they are not on this board.
they are at Walmart waiting for Randall to swing by
Quote from: Ishmael (aka bp) on April 30, 2009, 07:17:09 AM
they are at Walmart waiting for Randall to swing by
[laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh]
Quote from: MrIncredible on April 29, 2009, 08:04:18 PM
Uh, I threw the wife a 50 cent ring and I do alright. Girl was not bent. Girl was excited. It was about me spending forever with her an no one else, not about how much money I could sink into something shiny.
Sorry dude-95% of the people in here are telling you you're off base because you are. Not all girls are materialistic-just because you can't imagine it doesn't mean it's not true.
bro the ENGAGEMENT ring has nothing to do with being materialistic, its a symbol of what your girl means to you, they fakin think about this shit all their life, has nothing to do with being materialistic, some girls really dont care OK i'll buy that, however most do. If you have the means then you buy a nice ring, if not then of course whatever works works... but dont think for a second that girls dont care about THAT ring.
Quote from: MrIncredible on April 29, 2009, 08:04:18 PM
Uh, I threw the wife a 50 cent ring and I do alright. Girl was not bent. Girl was excited. It was about me spending forever with her an no one else, not about how much money I could sink into something shiny.
maybe in my culture its different but if I threw my girl a 50 cent ring my own father would throw me a smack, we dont do things like that, especially when it comes to weddings, our weddings are insane, people get shot at our weddings lol, if i can afford it, my girls getting teh best, best car, best house, best clothes.. the best period. if I cant then we make due if she'll love me anyway because im awesome and im a really fast runner too.
Quote from: That Nice Guy Beck! on April 30, 2009, 11:16:13 AM
maybe in my culture its different but if I threw my girl a 50 cent ring my own father would throw me a smack, we dont do things like that, especially when it comes to weddings, our weddings are insane, people get shot at our weddings lol, if i can afford it, my girls getting teh best, best car, best house, best clothes.. the best period. if I cant then we make due if she'll love me anyway because im awesome and im a really fast runner too.
um...can she not get those things for herself? or even better contribute equally so you together buy yourselves nice things? G would be pissed if I bought her a car.
I believe Mr Beck is Macedonian.
If that is the case, then what he is saying is pretty spot on.
The bar I frequent is owned by a Macedonian and that is how he treats his wife.
His daughter..........treated that way by her husband.
Culture does dictate a lot of the rituals and expectations of a marriage.
Quote from: Statler on April 30, 2009, 01:48:25 PM
um...can she not get those things for herself? or even better contribute equally so you together buy yourselves nice things? G would be pissed if I bought her a car.
Americans do it differently I guess.
Quote from: cyrus buelton on April 30, 2009, 01:59:31 PM
I believe Mr Beck is Macedonian.
If that is the case, then what he is saying is pretty spot on.
The bar I frequent is owned by a Macedonian and that is how he treats his wife.
His daughter..........treated that way by her husband.
Culture does dictate a lot of the rituals and expectations of a marriage.
eggs actly, yes my fathers side is from Skopje.
Quote from: That Nice Guy Beck! on April 30, 2009, 11:16:13 AM
maybe in my culture its different but if I threw my girl a 50 cent ring my own father would throw me a smack, we dont do things like that, especially when it comes to weddings, our weddings are insane, people get shot at our weddings lol, if i can afford it, my girls getting teh best, best car, best house, best clothes.. the best period. if I cant then we make due if she'll love me anyway because im awesome and im a really fast runner too.
I think this is a key statement right here.
It doesn't make sense to me to start down that road in debt. I have been to some fantastic weddings that equal a substantial down payment on a very nice house, yet after the honeymoon, the happy couple returns to their average apartment and their (barely) paycheck to paycheck lives.
Quote from: Bick on May 02, 2009, 05:40:16 PM
It doesn't make sense to me to start down that road in debt. I have been to some fantastic weddings that equal a substantial down payment on a very nice house, yet after the honeymoon, the happy couple returns to their average apartment and their (barely) paycheck to paycheck lives.
We chose to go the substantial down payment route. [thumbsup]
Quote from: That Nice Guy Beck! on April 30, 2009, 11:16:13 AM
maybe in my culture its different but if I threw my girl a 50 cent ring my own father would throw me a smack, we dont do things like that, especially when it comes to weddings, our weddings are insane, people get shot at our weddings lol, if i can afford it, my girls getting teh best, best car, best house, best clothes.. the best period. if I cant then we make due if she'll love me anyway because im awesome and im a really fast runner too.
So what is she expected to do with the money she earns? Keep it?
Quote from: somegirl on May 02, 2009, 08:26:23 PM
So what is she expected to do with the money she earns? Keep it?
It sounds like this type of culture would not expect her to work at all.
Quote from: alfisti on May 03, 2009, 06:29:56 AM
It sounds like this type of culture would not expect her to work at all.
Then why get a wife? :P
Runs and hides.
Quote from: MrIncredible on May 04, 2009, 11:56:28 AM
Then why get a wife? :P
Runs and hides.
True, true. If she's just there to cook and clean you're better off with a maid. No ring to buy and you get to keep all of your crap if you decide to trade up to a younger maid.
First off, as others stated the 2-3 Months salary thing was started by DeBeers and is a crock of $hit, but it has been very successful for them and has landed many people in the poor house.
It is my firm belief that you should not go into debt over an engagement ring, that is completely the wrong thing to start out a relationship with. Besides if it does not work out, you're still going to be in debt and she's still going to have the bling. Even if you get the ring back, WTF are you going to do with it, give it to your next fiancee? :-X Nope, you'll end up selling it for about 40% of what you paid for it if you are lucky. [bang]
Anyway if any of you local to San Antonio ever need a hookup for jewelry or just buying a rock, then my wife can help you out. She used to have her own business making custom jewelry, and still does it on the side and can save you quite bit of cash.
The correct way is to go shopping together to get an idea what she likes
It doesn't matter if it's a solitaire or something gaudy or no stone at all, as long as she loves it.
She will love it for being an engagement ring unless she hates you -- no matter what. But it should have some element of "showoff" to it, i.e. that you want to impress her beyond being her betrothed.
You don't have to pick the actual ring together, just tell her you want to know what she likes and to please not set on one particular one, that you want it to be special and you might get a custom ring
And FYI many many ateliers will make a ring for you that isn't much more expensive than an off the shelf one.
Good points db! I'll add my FHE here. Fiancée and I had talked about things related to jewelry and engagement and marriage naturally found it's way into the conversation. Found out what color gold she likes (white for her), that she didn't like jewelry that stuck way up off her finger etc. We never set foot in a jewelry store together. Keeping in mind I needed white gold and something that didn't stick way up off the finger I set off to local, trustworthy jewelry stores. The one I picked out left her speechless. She loves to show it off because it is a pretty ring and it's not so large it gets in the way of her work and such. I also didn't spend a fortune.
JM
On a side note i sold my 2003 Ducati Monster 800 dark to buy my wife here ring...I feel better getting that off my chest.
Quote from: lwszabo on June 01, 2009, 07:28:36 AM
On a side note i sold my 2003 Ducati Monster 800 dark to buy my wife here ring...I feel better getting that off my chest.
you are a real man, hope she appreciates your sacrifice!!
Quote from: dictionary boy on June 01, 2009, 08:11:16 AM
you are a real man, hope she appreciates your sacrifice!!
+1 I couldn't do it (not for a ring anyway)
Anyone ever read "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"? It's a case of the "classical" vs. the "romantic" thinker. I went to school for design so I always equate the way I think to my buddy, who's a mechanical engineer. Engineers (classical thinkers) think logically so there's generally little room in their mind for something that doesn't make absolute, functional sense. I.e.- cost of ring vs. cost of home. OBVIOUSLY to a clasical thinker, a home is much more valuable (more function, more resale value) than a ring so why spend all that money on a a pice of silver/rock that has maybe a hundred or two dollars worth of materials invested.
The romantic thinker tends to lean more towards the emotional side of things. I don't need a house, or a bike, or a fancy car. Give me a moderate apartment, a honda civic, and a really nice titanium/carbon/diamond ring that has more meaning than just materials or cost. It's a symbol of design, creativity, and the love ot two people.
I'm not generalizing about designers or engineers, it's just the personal example I could come up with. My parents got married in 1975. Both of their poor quality gold rings cost a cumulative sub $100and they got married in my dad's parents living room with a few guests. Granted they were poor as dirt back then, but I have no doubt in my mind they would have done the same thing if they'd have made millions. Later on, my mom got the birth stone of mom, dad, me and my sister set into the same ring for a grand total upgrade cost of around $500.
A ring is technically nothing more than the cost of the materials involved, but its meaning is so much more than that. I personally think ONE months salary would be too much, but YMMV :) Kudos to the incredible family, btw.
Quote from: Jarvicious on June 01, 2009, 09:41:11 AM
A ring is technically nothing more than the cost of the materials involved, but its meaning is so much more than that. I personally think ONE months salary would be too much, but YMMV :)
It really depends on what you make, and what's important to you. Some people, two months salary is $2,000. Others, it's $20,000. But, just because you make a lot, doesn't mean you have that much to spare, know what I'm sayin?
Quote from: Jarvicious on June 01, 2009, 09:41:11 AM
Kudos to the incredible family, btw.
Thanks! ;D