The Best of Craigslist

[muskrat]

being both a Harley and a Duc rider I made some adjustments:

1.   Spend 6- hours adjusting valves every other ride.

4.   paid $2K too much for suspension that only can handle 160 pounds of rider

3.   Pack cell phone and cappuccino dollars in hand for the next stop.

4.   Look in mirror and perfect the “I’m a bad ass mother" that paid too much for ” DP stuff like Termis.

5.   Don you Ducati leathers that resemble rainbows.

6.   Check for nearby gas stations for when bike runs out of gas at 90 miles (90% probability)

7.   Put on your wrist brace to help carpal tunnel from all of the unnecessary revving (especially if you have Termis).

8.   Leather pants with hockey pucks to look cool...knowing you wont be dragging knees.

9.    Gloves with kevlar to protect you from 160 mph crashes.

10.    Wrap around sunglasses to keep the sun from your eyes from all those wheelies.

11.   Skull condom cap to keep your helmet from smelling like musty ass.

12.   DP books to match the flare of your multi colored suit.

[kopfjäger]

being both a Harley and a Duc rider I made some adjustments:

1.   Spend 6- hours adjusting valves every other ride.

4.   paid $2K too much for suspension that only can handle 160 pounds of rider

3.   Pack cell phone and cappuccino dollars in hand for the next stop.

4.   Look in mirror and perfect the “I’m a bad ass mother" that paid too much for ” DP stuff like Termis.

5.   Don you Ducati leathers that resemble rainbows.

6.   Check for nearby gas stations for when bike runs out of gas at 90 miles (90% probability)

7.   Put on your wrist brace to help carpal tunnel from all of the unnecessary revving (especially if you have Termis).

8.   Leather pants with hockey pucks to look cool...knowing you wont be dragging knees.

9.    Gloves with kevlar to protect you from 160 mph crashes.

10.    Wrap around sunglasses to keep the sun from your eyes from all those wheelies.

11.   Skull condom cap to keep your helmet from smelling like musty ass.

12.   DP books to match the flare of your multi colored suit.

+1 

[teddy037.2]

+1 

+2 

[kopfjäger]

 Bike for sale


What kind of bike? I don't know, I'm not a bike scientist. What I am though is a manly guy looking to sell his bike. This bike is made out of metal and kick ass spokes. The back reflector was taken off, but if you think that deters me from riding at night, you're way wrong. I practiced ninja training in Japan's mount Fuji for 5 years and the first rule they teach about ninja biking is that back reflectors let the enemy know where you are. Not having a rear reflector is like saying "make the beast with two backs YOU CAR, JUST TRY AND FIND ME".



The bike says Giant on the side because it's referring to my junk, but rest assured even if you have tiny junk that Giant advertisement is going to remain right where it is. I bought this bike for 300 dollars from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War 2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Phillipines while stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when I did. He was so impressed with me he offered me to be his son but I thought that was sissy shit so I said no way.



The bike has some rusted screws, but that just shows how much of a bad ass you are. Everyone knows rusted screws on a bike means that you probably drove it underwater and that's bad ass in itself. Those screws can be replaced with shiny new ones, but if you're going to go to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the balls since you're probably a dickless lizard who doesn't like to look intimidating.



The bike is for men because the seat is flat or some shit and not shaped like a dildo. If you like flat seated bikes you're going to love this thing because it doesn't try to penetrate your ass or anything.



I've topped out at 75 miles per hour on this uphill but if you're just a regular man you'll probably top it out at 10 miles per hour. This thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank. The bike has 7 speeds in total:


Gear 1 - Sissy Gear
Gear 2 - Less Sissy Gear
Gear 3 - Least Sissy Gear
Gear 4 - Boy Gear
Gear 5 - Pre-teen Boy Gear
Gear 6 - Manly Gear
Gear 7 - Big Muscles Gear

I only like gear 6 and 7 to be honest.


Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a gigantic lock to keep it secure. The lock is the size of a bull's testicles and tells people you don't make the beast with two backs around with locking up your bike tank. It tells would-be-thieves "Hey asshole, touch this bike and I'll appear from the bushes ready to club you with a two-by-four".


Bike is for 150 OBO (and don't give me no panzy prices)

[kopfjäger]

being both a Harley and a Duc rider I made some adjustments:

1.   Spend 6- hours adjusting valves every other ride.

4.   paid $2K too much for suspension that only can handle 160 pounds of rider

3.   Pack cell phone and cappuccino dollars in hand for the next stop.

4.   Look in mirror and perfect the “I’m a bad ass mother" that paid too much for ” DP stuff like Termis.

5.   Don you Ducati leathers that resemble rainbows.

6.   Check for nearby gas stations for when bike runs out of gas at 90 miles (90% probability)

7.   Put on your wrist brace to help carpal tunnel from all of the unnecessary revving (especially if you have Termis).

8.   Leather pants with hockey pucks to look cool...knowing you wont be dragging knees.

9.    Gloves with kevlar to protect you from 160 mph crashes.

10.    Wrap around sunglasses to keep the sun from your eyes from all those wheelies.

11.   Skull condom cap to keep your helmet from smelling like musty ass.

12.   DP books to match the flare of your multi colored suit.

Oh, and this one needs a bump, daily. 

[Scottish]

And now, for your dining enjoyment, this post from Craigslist:



Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503javascript:void(0); U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

[kopfjäger]

^^^ That's old. Very old. 

[junior varsity]

Highlander Opening Sequence

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!

(I spent a good twenty minutes looking for a good video of them yelling it. No luck. So we are resorting to the New American Gladiators for add'l commentary)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBVvlq7latc#t=1m20s

[Scottish]

LOL ^^^^ looks like Stretch Armstrong.

[Monsterlover]

http://erie.craigslist.org/cto/1566168971.html

I have a 1990 Chevy Surban 4x4 the just QUIT running ( lost oil presser and started making a banking noice ) 350 V8 auto just had new grease put in rear end and tranfer case and unvacles . Has 3" lift kit Chrome wheels 6 bolts
Insp. until may 2010 , I have large Mud tires on it ! The day before it quite we had just filled the tank with 35 gals of gas ! I will knot off $ 100.00 if I take out my NEW BATTERY and the GAS !
Call for more info: 814-720-5870 leave massage for Tom

[Howie]

Unvacles

[Monsterlover]

 wasn't sure what he meant by that...

[LowThudd]

SECURITY GUARD TRAP - $500 (VICTORVILLE)

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Date: 2010-01-24, 1:14AM PST
Reply to: sale-sqvsk-1567821931@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

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HAVE YOU EVER WANTED YOUR OWN MINI ME,MILITARY AFFILIATED, SECURITY GUARD OF YOUR OWN.WELL COME ONE COME ALL AND BUY YOURSELF A 100% FOOL PROOF SECURITY GUARD TRAP!EASY SET UP AND ABLE TO HOLD UP TO FOUR TO FIVE SECURITY GUARDS AT ONCE OR ONE MIGHTY MOUSE OF A GUARD.
TO OPERATE IS SIMPLE:
STEP 1:SET UP TENT ASPECIALLY THIS MODLE

STEP 2:PLACE AND OFFICAL POLICE OFFICER APPLICATION INSIDE

STEP 3:THEN ONCE THE SECURITY GUARD IS INSIDE QUICKLY CLOSE TENT.

THEN SIT BACK AND ENJOY AS YOU WATCH YOUR SECURITY GUARD FIGHTS AND YELLS OUT OUT LANDISH THINGS SUCH AS:
"YOU ASSHOLE LET ME OUT."
"AMANDA LET ME OUT OF HERE"
make the beast with two backs I SURVIVED IRAQ WHY THE HELL CAN'T I GET OUT OF HERE"
"make the beast with two backsING MYKE AND RUDY I KNOW ITS YOU GUYS"
WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR GUYS ASSES"

SO HURRY WHILE SUPPLIES LAST.BECAUSE THEY ARE SELLING LIKE HOT CAKES

[LowThudd]

********* you never cease to amaze me 143wolf@live.com *************

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Date: 2009-12-31, 9:13AM PST
Reply to: sale-znhwz-1531847683@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

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Here's a link to the ENTIRE list of TOU's.
http://www.craigslist.org/about/terms.of.use


When YOU start following the CL's TOU's I'll stop posting the nice emails YOU send me. Once again the ball is in YOUR court.
YOU have no one to blame but yourself.



And once again thanks for the laugh !!!!!!!!!!



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a) that is unlawful, harmful, threatening, abusive, harassing, defamatory, libelous, invasive of another's privacy, or is harmful to minors in any way;

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We accept commercial posts under "services offered." You are welcome to advertise your services there. It's free.

Commercial posts submitted to categories outside of "services offered" are subject to removal. Our failure to act with

respect to a breach by you or others does not waive our right to act with respect to subsequent or similar breaches.

u) use automated means, including spiders, robots, crawlers, data mining tools, or the like to download data from the Service - unless expressly permitted by craigslist;

w) post the same item or service in more than one classified category or forum, or in more than one metropolitan area, and top posting.







This is from 143wolf@live.com:

you will not be laughing when we get a hold of you asshole. better save up for a good lawyer jack ass. You need to get a real life and quit being an self appointed craigslist security cop.. There is something wrong with your brain. Your dad must had hit you in the head with a bat went you were a little pregnant dog.... you are either a professional moron or a gifted asshole or both... looking for you. send me an email I would to hear from you. I have some little pieces and getting closer.


learn to spell also if you are going to profess to be a Rhodes scholar.. lower case since you only know about weak ass schools like local OCC. must be where you tried to get an AA and failed. surprised you even made it out of grade school and all being trailer trash pregnant dog. most likely today that is what you do in the day time is pimp and ho. HOHOHO, pun intended.
ninjas mean anything to ya. look us up.
ah

[LowThudd]

1.5c ENGAGEMENT RING - $2000 (Orange County)

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Date: 2010-01-18, 9:04AM PST
Reply to: sale-vwb8c-1558356136@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

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Brand New Engagement Ring from Kay's Jeweler. F** the cheating bastard the ring was bought for over 3000 selling for 2000 obo!!!!

this is the ring but mine is princess cut..beautiful ring but i dont want it!