Joining the Club...

[Goat_Herder]

Very sorry to hear that, Adam.  It's tough being away serving your country and not being able to work on your own family.  What's done is already done.  DOn't dwell on it too much.  Just be safe out there and focus on task at hand.  Meanwhile, we are all here for ya

[VisceralReaction]

yeah i agree man, that is bullshit. I was in the same boat and married for 16 years and she started pulling away.
Finally got the "i love you but am not in love with you" line. I just don't understand it and never will.
I have two kids 9 and 12 and they are actually dealing pretty well with it, though i never would have thought
I would be in this position with my kids.
My one piece of advice. Custody, 50/50. the kids can reside with their mother but you both
have equal custody. If there is an argument and you can't work it out nicely you can do two things. get a
mediator and help you both split things up and if that won't work. Lawyer up man.
I wish you the best in a bullshit situation and want to thank you for your service to our country.
Let me know if you need advice. Just keep in mind opinions are like assholes......

[Adamm0621]

Finally got the "i love you but am not in love with you" line. I just don't understand it and never will.

I think the proper translation in woman speak is, "I'm selfish...I can't keep my promises, or commitments... and I need a excuse so that at the end of the day I feel justified."

[dolci]

I think the proper translation in woman speak is, "I'm selfish...I can't keep my promises, or commitments... and I need a excuse so that at the end of the day I feel justified."

corrected it for ya!     I've heard that line a few times myself - it sucks and it usally means what you said but I would add in there "and I"m bored and feel like I want to try something else for a bit"

[Veloce-Fino]

I think the proper translation in woman speak is, "I'm selfish...I can't keep my promises, or commitments... and I need a excuse so that at the end of the day I feel justified."

^ This.

I'd be in make the beast with two backsing rage mode in Afghanistan for the next 6 months if I was you. I almost feel bad for the enemy, almost. 

[AJ]

corrected it for ya!     I've heard that line a few times myself - it sucks and it usally means what you said but I would add in there "and I"m bored and feel like I want to try something else for a bit"

+1  Thanks Dolci for the fix.  
I've heard that line too.  And heard it once from a guy who ended up repeating that line to several of my friends over the years, including the friend he married (you think we would've learned...)  Boredom definitely factors in, and for some folks the need for change will keep popping up again and again.

Best of luck Adam, to you and your son.  Thank you for your hard work in the field and please focus on getting home safely.

[RAT900]

Adam I am sorry to read that you are joining the national stats.

Order of priorities are:

Get home in one piece (and thank you for going to the shit-hole on behalf of us)

Don't sign anything that doesn't protect your child first and foremost....

don't waste time contesting the divorce, property crap etc...stuff can always be replaced

but make sure you are on an equal footing as an involved parent with joint custodial rights

there may come a time when you may need to pull your son to safety

as the ex "re-invents herself"...and trust me the girl you thought you knew will disappear

and if the re-invention is ugly you may need to be there for your child

better to do the rescue work from a level playing field


It is an ugly piece of road to walk but it doesn't last forever...

just stay on the path and take the longer view of life

[Adamm0621]

So I canceled her Power of Attorney's this morning, and this afternoon I'll be changing my life insurance policy so that if the worst should occur, she won't walk away with a $500K parting gift.

I'm definitely going for joint custody... her as primary, and myself as secondary with unlimited visitation rights.  I'll be paying child support, but she's going to waive alimony and any rights to my military benefits/retirement.

I should be home in about a week, and then the real fun will begin.

[RAT900]

So I canceled her Power of Attorney's this morning, and this afternoon I'll be changing my life insurance policy so that if the worst should occur, she won't walk away with a $500K parting gift.

I'm definitely going for joint custody... her as primary, and myself as secondary with unlimited visitation rights.  I'll be paying child support, but she's going to waive alimony and any rights to my military benefits/retirement.

I should be home in about a week, and then the real fun will begin.

....and move this to closure as fast as you can...do not leave it open and hanging....

the longer the divorce remains un-finalized

the more time she has to realize she isn't having as much fun as she thought she would...

and unless she hits the jackpot dating....she will get bitter and it will become all your fault...

especially if you come home meet someone decent

and it starts looking like your life is shaping up better than hers

[VisceralReaction]

Ratts last two posts said alot. Listen to this man.
Glad to see you are taking the correct steps and yeah as said before
remember it's just "stuff"
I have nothing really after 16 years. I'm starting over.
It pisses me off, but it's cool to because I can do it all my way this time. 
Just remember to "be the adult" when it comes time and you'll know it when you
see it.

[He Man]

....and move this to closure as fast as you can...do not leave it open and hanging....

the longer the divorce remains un-finalized

the more time she has to realize she isn't having as much fun as she thought she would...

and unless she hits the jackpot dating....she will get bitter and it will become all your fault...

especially if you come home meet someone decent

and it starts looking like your life is shaping up better than hers

That applies to almost any kind of relationship breakup. good words.

[Adamm0621]

Oh, wise sage... otherwise known as RAT900... I seek guidance, wondering if I shall partake in break-up sex?  The mind may be strong, but the flesh is willing.

[Ddan]

Oh, wise sage... otherwise known as RAT900... I seek guidance, wondering if I shall partake in break-up sex?  The mind may be strong, but the flesh is willing.

You'd be better off with a hooker

[Monsterlover]

The best thing you can do in that respect is date your hand.

Sex with the ex is a very bad idea.

What if she comes up preg?

Or gives you an std since you mentioned she had been unfaithful.

[fastwin]

That's what I was thinking.

Saying I'm sorry about all of this just sounds kind of lame. Not that I'm not sorry. I truly am. It's just I can't imagine being in your shoes trying to stay alive until Sept. in what seems to be a very dangerous place these days with all this nasty personal shit going on. It's been said in posts before, please keep your head in the game and come home safely. You've got a son to come home to and raise and the rest of your life to live.

And just as importantly, thank you for serving our country. We all appreciate it.